Strongly suspect CM is mistreating DD - views please

[Lasvegas]

DD has been with CM since 16 months old and no problems. CM was recommended by a mum who had used her exclusively until her DD went to School.

DD will be three in 4 weeks time and is incredibly articulate and has great memory

6 months ago when DD was 2.6 she started role playing with her dolls saying open your fucking legs (when putting on nappy) and eat your fucking dinner (when feeding them). After weeks of gentle probing we were pretty sure that DD had over heard CM saying it to a baby in her charge not actually to DD.

A couple of weeks ago DD hit head on basin at home. We always say nasty basin (or whatever she bumped into) and hit it. This time she said naughty fucker to the sink. I chatted with her and transpired CM partner says this to her or she over hears him saying it to other kids.

Last night DD told Au pair when she collected her and me as soon as I got home, that CM had hit her cheek and pinched her neck. She hit her own cheek to demonstrate. I asked her why CM was nasty to her she said she had chips and Pizza and there was no ketchup.

I believe that DD is telling truth although she is very young. What do you think? DD is too young to lie in my view so these things must be happening.

In CM deffense - DD has no bruises, parents of other mindees have used her long term and sent siblings to her.

remove your child & get the cm checked by the organisations other posters have recommended.

Lasvegas here is some info to read regarding complaints and how ofsted deal with them:

here

I agree w/NP, get onto Ofsted asap. And the male partner around swearing and being abusive. To a baby? NOT ON, I'm tellin' ya.

Many thanks. After the initial swearing role playing we made plans to move DD to a nursery and it has been a phased introduction. Irrespective of latest incident this fri was her last day at CM anyway. She is at Nursery today.

DD has active imagination. When she first role played using F word. I asked her who says that? and some times she would say Granddad does. She hadn't seen her Grandad for 6 months prior and no way would my dad say that. Another eg is she may have a graze which she proudly shows DP and he will say how did you do that? and she will say a dog did it. When I know for sure that she did in with me on the swings. So that is why 6 months ago I didn't rush to remove her from CM. But we did start making plans for a planned move to a nursery.

DP will be back in UK tonite and he and I will go to see CM and raise the points with her (DD not going back) I so hope that there is credible reasons as hate idea little DD has suffered mental abuse. It is so hard to accept. DD kisses CM goodbye (my argument to self was DD wouldn't do this if CM was nastly to her).

Just want to make it clear that open F'ing legs was about nappy not sexual abuse.

Will phone OFFSTED now thanks puppy.

Las Vegas, phew! can't tell you how relieved that your DD is not there anymore. Think you're definitely right to report her, not sure I would go and speak to her myself, in your shoes, but your decision.

Ok spoke to OFFSTED complaints person and outlined what has been happening. They seemed shocked at the role play. I now have to put it into writting. They told me to report it to social services also.

I don't relish seeing CM face to face but DP is determined also I am hoping that there is an explanation. Maybe another child pinched DD y'day. I'm not on CM side just trying to keep open mind. There is a child now 8 yrs at the CM I have met him and his mum. He has been there since a baby. Surely if CM was awful the 8 year old would have fed back to his mum.

I did mention use of F word to CM but it co-incided with DD going to playschool, and CM said oh kids over hear things.

Lasvegas,

My now 3 yr old dd claimed that a male nursery worker had showed her his willy a few months ago....I took it very seriously at the time, but without going into lengthy details was ultimately able to establish there was no credibility to her story....(dd has a healthy interest in willies like so many toddlers her age,) so my point is that it is just possible that some of this has been creatively imagined by your dd.

That said, I'm glad that she is not going to CM any longer and I still feel that you should play it safe by reporting it.

HMC, yes, that's the sort of thing I meant. not that the worry shouldn't be reported or investigated. but that the possibility should be allowed that a just 3 year old can be a variable witness, for several reasons.

HMC - yes I remember your thread on that. i think we all react according to how our children act. Those with kids who have v fertile imaginations and are prone to making up stroies have been a bit more lenient on this thread.

My DD on the other hand is black and white, I just know she would never make up a story like this and stick to it for more than 30 secs.

They're all different and that's i suppose what causes our diff reactions.

Yes it very much comes down to the particular child....

I am a CM and before that a nanny

I am glad that your DD is out of there

I deffo think you should talk to the CM

Glad you have reported her

Piffle

I am deffo <strong>NOT</strong> saying this is the same for your DD or you 

<strong>BUT</strong> one of DS friends as a 3 year old would tell lies very convincingly - her mum was a insurance saleswoman and would lie to do with her job - and would lie all the time in personal life - I didn't trust anything she said to me. 

Also another friend DD would swear all the time cos the parents did and used to laugh when the DD would say F*

What does your gut instinct tell you to do? Follow that.

That is a good point OO

Your welcome lasvegas
Its better to be safe than sorry, which is why i suggested ringing ofsted also.

I need to meet CM face to face and get a gut feel for her re-action to the allegations or I will feel guilty/bad mum rest of my life.

I feel dreadful that I didn't remove DD earlier. But I had to recruit a new f/t AP in order to use the local nursery (as opening hours require AP to take/collect). It seemed silly to move DD to new CM for only a short spell. Especially as it could have been in her head.

Mine never heard the f word at Play group

I am sure they will now they are at full time School

las vegas - that is appalling, I am a childminder, and there is no way I would dream of speaking to or treating a child like that of any age.
I'm sure you know your child better than any of us, but i do know of children 3yrs and younger who do lie, on purpose, and i have caught them out.
I would remove your child from her and definitly explain to her why you are doing so, I wouldn't say anything to her about telling oftsed and this may give her a chance to rectify anything she is doing wrong, if you let Ofsted know they will give her a surprise inspection, plenty of chance to cathc her out.

Even if you're daughter heard the words (fucking/fucker) from the CM partner, that is just as bad, your child should not be around people using that language, and the CM should Have made sure he didn't use that language around the children.

Your mind will never be at rest while your child is with this CM, even if you discuss and come to an understanding. I would find another childminder, your views and your childs welfare is number one concern!!!

I think that just by posting in the first place shows that your instinct is telling you something is wrong. Am glad your dd is away from her.