So annoyed - bosses are so tight!!

[NorthernNanny]

I spent a day with my new charge and her mum last week to get her used to me and finalise a few things before I start properly next week.

I let MB know in the interview that the going charge is 40p per mile for petrol, going up to 45p as of tomorrow, she turned around last week and said that they wouldn't be paying me any more than 30p per mile, yet she's been saying she wants me to take the little girl (14months) to certain places which are miles away.

THEN at lunchtime she asked if I'd bought lunch with me, I said no and she looked SO put out - I felt really uncomfortable, apologised and said I could pop to the shops and buy my own lunch, she said ok at first and then said "it's fine, i'll give you a sandwich today but from now on, i'd expect you to bring your own lunch" - MB isnt going back to work until May and will be with me and charge until then - again, I only found this out last week and am not particularly happy about it - she will be making lunch for herself, I really don't see what harm a sandwich could do?!

In interview, I told her how much money I would be looking for - they managed to knock me down by £1 an hour - a lot less that I wanted but the days and hours are perfect for me and I thought that, after a year I could always ask for more.

It just really upset me that I'm going to give her daughter the best care possible and all this is making me feel like cheap labour - I agreed to a large drop in pay and they just seem to be taking the mickey a bit.

Sorry it's a long one but would love to hear from anyone with any thoughts on this. Thank you.

OK I withdraw comments about them not being loaded. As irony goes, that's pretty strong - they can afford to buy and run a beast like that but not to pay you enough to cover your costs?

Walk away. To any future prospective employer, just say that you could not agree reasonable terms with them. Since MB is not even going back to work until May, you won't even be leaving them in the lurch even though they richly deserve to be

Tell her you're happy to use the range rover to drive the kids about then!

Run for the hills!

My God, they sound like my last employer....my experience is they will carry on going back on things that were agreed at interview, will manipulate you into doing things that aren't in your job description. If they have the attitude of 'well, that's what's happening, get on with it' maybe you should let them get on with it and you look for another job. I walked after 4 weeks.

Have you been given your contract yet? Any excuses after the first day and I would run - especially with how they are behaving already. That's a mistake that I am NEVER going to make again.

If a future employer questions you about leaving this one almost straight away I would just explain the circumstances around this job (you can't gel with every job) and flag up all of your previous employments where you have had good experiences at.

Good luck

Run, run like the wind, as I say to my DC's.

Wish we could afford to employ you, you sound lovely.

With regard to the mileage ( and I DO pay my nanny the going rate) I was told by my payroll company that 40p a mile is the MAX you can pay tax free and that is def isn't the going rate amongst their clients.

I m sorry but I have always thought that all nannies eat at work,,if they refuse to pay 40p then leave all those miles to music, gym and toddler groups add up.I `m sorry but she sounds the type of person that may be very fussy about other things as well as food and petrol.

fivegomadintheambingshed thank you - that made me smile!

Thank you to everyone for your replies, I'm just so maddened by the whole thing. I was so looking forward to starting and now.... Picklemyster and eurycantha you've both hit the nail on the head - in interview I told them all the activities I'd plan and they seemed really impressed and said how great it all sounded, yet now they just want me to go to all these places of THEIR choosing, using the car and are finding reasons for me not to do the things I said I'd like to - it's too messy/ she's too young/ it's something only they would like to do etc. It's almost as if they're paying me the minimal amount to do all the mileage and take the little girl to all the places so they dont have to do all the running around.

They sound awful.

I have employed live out nannies before.

We provide a weekly kitty. Our nannies have always left receipts for all purchases for me to look at, but I rarely have because I trust them.

We pay for petrol, no quibbling. We expect them not to take the piss and parade all over town running their own errands, and I am pretty sure they generally haven't.

I am more than happy for our nannies to help themselves to lunch and snacks within reasons (a sandwich and some fruit and help yourself to tea, coffee, biccies any time etc). We have always asked our nannies to add anything they want specifically to our weekly shopping list and we will buy.

FGS, you employ someone to look after your children surely you should treat them with the utmost respect and trust. Some employers beggar belief with their narky, rude attitudes.

You have made the right decision I think, OP. These people are tight arses.

Run the other way NOW. Give her notice now. Her childcare problems because she's a tight bitch aren't your problem.

You sound like a nice person, and I think you should run a mile while you still can. Often people who work with children are treated like a skivvy, with no respect to your experience or quailications.

I find it unbelivable that someone would refuse you a sandwich, particulary when you really don't get a proper lunch break when you are a nanny.

There are plenty of other childcare jobs out there. Give this family a wide bearth

Look for another job now!

So what did you do NorthernNanny? Run?!

Hi all,
Need your advice again....
So I'm getting out of there - something came up in my personal life whereby I haven't been able to do anything sooner on the job front but it's sorted now so I can concentrate getting out of there!

I'm going to look online and join agencies but I'm worried that my current employers will give me a bad reference and, as it's my first nannying job - potential employers will see it as a red flag - oh, she's only been in her first job x amount of weeks and she wants to leave already - how reliable is she?

Also, I was going to say to my current employers that my reason for leaving is that I need more money/hours - try and keep it amicable so as to get (hopefully) a good reference, rather than telling them the truth that they're really not very nice people, they treat me like cr*p, are tight etc etc.

You were all great before with your advice so please, I'd really appreciate some guidance on this as It's really stressing me out at the moment.

I would just pretend that job never existed, to be honest. Say you did something else (i.e. travelled) the last few weeks. It's not like you are leaving behind years of good experience that you can't afford to lose.

And i wouldn't give needing more money as a reason to be leaving. Tell them something unforseeable came up -- like a sick grandparent or sister in need or something. If you say you want more money thay will think well why did you take the job then and possibly be a bit annoyed.

I'd also like to add a few bits - just to have a vent as I feel it's very much needed lol

I've found out since I was last on here that the reason they offered me less money was because - at interview they saw me and two other women - both of them had their own child that they wanted to bring along! I said to MB that in fact, what I was asking for per hour was right and these women only asked for less because of the fact that they had their own children and had to take a pay cut for that very reason and subsequently they were paying me the same reduced rate as what those mum/nannies were asking. She said "oh, we were lucky with you then" SERIOUSLY?! lucky?! are you kidding me?!

It was said in interview that I would only need to prepare lunch, bottles and snacks for the LO and heat up something from the fridge/freezer or prepare a small meal such as an omlette or toasties for dinner. She has now turned round and said that she wants me to cook proper meals from a cookery book while LO is asleep, enough to either store for another time or for MB and DB to eat! I don't mind but it annoys me that she said I wouldn't need to do that and now she thinks oh, why the hell not?!

Also, LO is becoming fussy with her food - she likes something one day but will throw it across the room the next. IMO if she doesn't eat her meal, she should be given a sandwich/fruit as an alternative and if she doesn't want that than it's mealtime over. However MB said LO must eat, no matter what. I said "so you just keep trying her with things until she eats something?" yes, that's right!! I know she's only young but surely she needs to learn that she can't just keep having things thrown away and start afresh until she decides to eat. I thought it was ironic that MB couldn't provide lunch for me, yet is prepared to waste untold amounts of food by giving LO 3, sometimes 4 chances at dinner time! I said maybe I could try showing LO two meal options and get her to point at whichever she wanted. MB looked at me like i was crazy.

It just gets better....

Thank you for the advice Strix, if I go through an agency though, won't they be able to find out? likewise, with a new employer - I'd have to write that i'd had another job since April on my tax forms. Also, when they contact the tax people, would it not be discovered then?

Afraid I don't know the answer to the tax question. But, I'm sure someone who does will come along soon.

To be honest, the things you mention in your last post I think are within her rights as your employer. But, I think you are so hacked off with other things which are totally unreasonable that the relationship is beyond repair so every little thing just sets you off.

She sounds like a horrible person. Are you you still in a trial period? What is the notice? Perhaps you should just ask for a chat and tell her that you think it's not working out. Avoid say, "I'm leaving because you are an unreasonable cow" just say you feel you and the family are not a good match and that it would better to go your own ways sooner rather than later.

I think you're right, it's just a horrible situation. I was so looking forward to becoming a nanny but it's just wrong on so many levels - I still want to continue with the career and at least I know what to watch out for, I'll take it as a lesson well learnt. Every cloud has a silver lining, and all that!

In the first 4 months I can give a weeks notice and after that, it's a month. Because I always try and be so happy and accommodating, I think she's going to find it a bit of a shock. To be honest though, if she cares so little about me as a person to take the pee like they have - which is obvious by their actions, I'm sure she'll find another nanny quick enough. Poor woman/man.

As a nanny employer, I would be completely honest with potential employers if I were you, and say that you weren't happy in the employment because of financial issues. You should show that you've put a lot of thought into what you could do differently next time to make sure its the right family for you to work with, rather than long rants about the family as that would come across as unprofessional - save the rants for on mnet!

However, I have to say that your 2nd and 3rd points of what you're venting about sound pretty par for the course for a nanny really. I don't think its out of order for MB to want you to cook healthy meals for LO or for storage while she sleeps, and this is the kind of thing that very frequently diverts from the original contract. (Especially if the family haven't hired a nanny before and don't know to keep all options open in the contract for these kind of changes!) Whether or not you're prepared to cook for MB and DB is a bit different; have never asked my nannies to do that personally, but neither do I think it a huge issue.

Having different views to MB on what the LO should eat is again fairly common and doesn't sound like either of you are out of order.

What seems quite clear is that the relationship has broken down (or never been established) and that fairly minor annoyances (which everyone has in their paid employment) are being mixed up with major issues and that is not a good situation, first and foremost for the child.

You'll have to judge, when you resign, whether they're likely to give a good reference or not, but I do encourage you to be honest with prospective employers.

I think when you are looking for new jobs you should mention this job - I don't think it is good to lie about things like that, but perhaps as it was your first nanny job you could say that you felt that you went in to it with different expectations to that of the family, financially and with what your role would be (from contract etc). I think that this should help you get your concerns and needs as an employee out into the open without bitching about your previous employers? I had to do similar when moving from my first nanny job to my second as I had learned so much from the experience that I had a firmer idea of what kind of job I was looking for.

How about a radical approach
Get pregnant! Lots of mat leave and then return with baby to the job you're doing for the same pay (as she realises that's what nannies with babies get). And you wouldn't mind contributing to running your car if your child was also getting the benefit.

:o

Stealth, I am assuming (hoping) your advice is tongue in cheek! There is no obligation on any nanny employer to let their nanny return with a child so the OP would need to be pretty certain that she could survive without that job or be easily able to get another one if she was going to take such a drastic step. And, of course, beyond the first few months, much of the maternity leave is low-paid/not paid at all.

yes, yes of course it wasn't serious just musing that it might solve problems