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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

So annoyed - bosses are so tight!!

78 replies

NorthernNanny · 05/04/2011 14:52

I spent a day with my new charge and her mum last week to get her used to me and finalise a few things before I start properly next week.

I let MB know in the interview that the going charge is 40p per mile for petrol, going up to 45p as of tomorrow, she turned around last week and said that they wouldn't be paying me any more than 30p per mile, yet she's been saying she wants me to take the little girl (14months) to certain places which are miles away.

THEN at lunchtime she asked if I'd bought lunch with me, I said no and she looked SO put out - I felt really uncomfortable, apologised and said I could pop to the shops and buy my own lunch, she said ok at first and then said "it's fine, i'll give you a sandwich today but from now on, i'd expect you to bring your own lunch" - MB isnt going back to work until May and will be with me and charge until then - again, I only found this out last week and am not particularly happy about it - she will be making lunch for herself, I really don't see what harm a sandwich could do?!

In interview, I told her how much money I would be looking for - they managed to knock me down by £1 an hour - a lot less that I wanted but the days and hours are perfect for me and I thought that, after a year I could always ask for more.

It just really upset me that I'm going to give her daughter the best care possible and all this is making me feel like cheap labour - I agreed to a large drop in pay and they just seem to be taking the mickey a bit.

Sorry it's a long one but would love to hear from anyone with any thoughts on this. Thank you.

OP posts:

Clarnico · 05/04/2011 17:33

I think AofE has a point - but more so I do think they didn't research having a nanny.

Providing meals and drinks for a nanny is absolutely standard. And paying you £1/hour less than the going rate is what as a gross %?

I really think these people sound like trouble. To future employers you say 'once I started the job it was clear we had different ideas - for example they reneged on the agreed mileage, in my first week of work - and I thought it better to leave sooner rather than later, before the child/ren and I got too attached to each other, which I felt would make the inevitable change of nanny very difficult for him/her/them. '

This is what trial periods are for, after all.

NannyW · 05/04/2011 17:34

At 30p per mile you will be paying to take her child places.
I had this problem with a previous employer who first said I wouldn't need to use my car - this then changed and they gave me a tenner here and there which never covered anything! I now make sure I get everything sorted out before I start working and as you are just at the start of this job then i'd try to sort it all out now before they (and you) fall into bad habits.
Tell her that you charge 40p per mile and that is that. She has to understand that you aren't doing her a favour that you are providing her with childcare!
I don't know if you can do much about lunch, it is slightly unconventional but it can be good for a child to see an adult eating the same as them to encourage them, see it as a proper meal time etc - perhaps put this to the Mum?

PartyHands · 05/04/2011 17:34

THere is no reason to assume from the get go they won't pay your NI and other people will, particualrly if the guy is already an employer, he will know what his obligations are, maybe more than other people might. It's just as plausible that it is because they know how expensive the add ons are in terms of tax and NI, and they are used to employing other people who don't require lunches etc, that they are being resistent to your requests to these. In any case, the OP hasn't said anything about tax/ni here and non payment.

Precisely becuase it's a recession I think you need to consider your position carefully before concluding you can't reach terms with them. Are you in a good employment market for nannies where you are?

It doesn't sound like a picnic, don't get me wrong.

diamond72 · 05/04/2011 17:36

Please walk. There are some decent agencies out there who have set contracts which clearly list expectations/roles/remuneration...

Set out your stall, the numbers and requirements that make you happy, then allow them to make up their minds. Otherwise, it just won't work.

warthog · 05/04/2011 17:39

i'm a new employer and i expected to provide lunch. i provide lunch for my cleaner. 45p is below the true cost of running a car too, so we made sure that our nanny will have use of our car as it's not fair.

do you have to say that you've been working for her for two weeks, to prospective employers?

i think you have to get out now and not worry about this job - write it off to experience.

PartyHands · 05/04/2011 17:40

Diamond - agencies can recommend any "conditions" they like but they are not the employers. No one goes by only the contract that the agency recommends - the employers are their clients after all, and the agencies will be looking after them and the four figure fee they are generally paying in the first instance.

It is not responsible to encourage someone to leave a position on the basis that there is someone out there to represent their interests, perhaps like a union. That is not the role of a nanny agency.

I suspect the OP is experienced enough to know the score with agencies though.

diamond72 · 05/04/2011 17:42

Totally agree with warthog. Sensible advice. Don't waste your time with these people, because once you're committed, the one thing you won't have is time. Put your energies into finding another job, especially if you are mobile.

You want an employer (like w) who seems to care and thinks about her nanny.... it's basic human kindness (and manners)

Ragwort · 05/04/2011 17:43

If you have all these issues before you start working for this family it will only get worse; where are you based? Are there other options available for full time nannies? If I were you I would think very carefully before taking this job on; if you have previous experience you will surely be able to get references from other employers.

This really does not sound like a good move for you.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/04/2011 17:46

Look for another job.

In the mean time when she wants her DD taken somewhere just politely tell her that you're very sorry but you can't afford it. Work out how much it costs in your car to drive a mile - I'm guessing it'll be more than 30p a mile.

Then point out to your boss that you need to factor in wear and tear for tyres, brakes, etc, plus the extra insurance for adding business use to your policy.

diamond72 · 05/04/2011 17:51

Sensible advice being offered. My car insurance for business use is an extra £270 per yr, so about £25/mo on top. Tyres £60 each... MOT.....

Partyhands...... wasn't suggesting working for an agency, but you must be aware of the 'going rate' and standard expectations or you have no 'bench mark' from which to negotiate.

Find time, research, then make an informed decision.... and don't panic.... there are always jobs out there with children for professional and thoughtful staff. You just have to search and set your sights high...and what's wrong with that?

Original poster

NorthernNanny · 05/04/2011 19:04

That's the thing, I'm willing to be flexible, I'm easygoing and would try and make things as easy as possible for my bosses, I'd love to have a friendly relationship with mutual respect. It's hard to feel respected when they're scrimping every corner and it just makes me feel like well, they obviously don't feel like I'm worth that much and it's sort of - is that how they see me - cheap labour?

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 05/04/2011 19:31

Given that good jobs with hours/days that fit don't grow on trees, I would ask for a meeting with both parents and table all this stuff - write it down if need be. It could be that the father understands all the implications of being an employer better and would deal with all this more logically?

It doesn't look great, but it's worth a try before you give up on it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/04/2011 19:57

tbh you should have discussed this at the first if not 2nd interview - esp her return date to work

you are the experienced nanny and should know what you want from a job and whats typical in nannying, ie being allowed to eat their food/having a kitty/40p per mile petrol etc

you have a 3 choices

stay and be unhappy
have a chat and see if will compromise
leave

Strix · 05/04/2011 20:18

I don't know if they are loaded or not. But, I do know tha tI wouldn't treat my au pair / nanny the way they are treating you and I am most certainly not loaded.

30p a mile? Don't eat my food? That's absurd. And just plain rude.

Incidentally, I see nothing wrong with them offering you one pound per hour less than what you asked for -- especially because I don't know what you asked for but also because that is normal professional hiring procedure. You ask for one thing, I offer another, we negotiate and come to an agreement... or don't. AFter you take the job is too late to moan about it.

But I am totally with you on the milage and the food. I would tell her the rate is 40p per mile. And if she says no, I would not use my car for work. Not negotiable. The food is tougher. I think I would just suck it up and bring my own food. But, I can understand why that would annoy you.

MrsSchadenfreude · 05/04/2011 20:33

What Strix says. I always found that the better the mutual understanding and respect from the outset, the better the relationship would work out. I can't believe the MB would deny you a sandwich for lunch (oh actually, I can...just remembered a "friend" who was like that).

sparkles18 · 05/04/2011 20:39

What does your contract say?
Do not start a job until you have covered every point and then had it confirmed in your contract. This should be signed by both parties before you start your employment.

microserf · 05/04/2011 21:14

As a parent and soon to be first time nanny employer, I can comment that you shouldn't assume they are loaded. We also each earn a good salary, but a nanny will be a really big financial commitment for us. We have to pay tax on the income we earn and then the tax on the nanny's income. It basically means one complete salary goes to cover the nanny. The other one has to cover mortgage, food, everything.

I have to say the rest of your post doesn't sound too good. I wouldn't work for anyone who was really tight about cash as everything becomes a negotiation, and it's just not a nice way to live. I didn't know about the lunch etc, but I would have made sure to find out before you starting and would absolutely do what is standard. But instinctively, my default position would have been to ensure access to the fridge for lunch, snacks, etc unless it WASN'T standard. 30p a mile is a joke, I would be quite annoyed about that esp as you'll have to upgrade your insurance to carry the kids.

Personally, as an employer, if you had an otherwise good CV and one very short placement, I would definitely accept it as lack of fit. It happens. Best to get out early.

microserf · 05/04/2011 21:19

PS I second the posters above - someone like this will NOT raise pay in a year. I would not continue in the position on that hope.

We need a nanny soon but we are in London. I am guessing by your nickname that you're not!

Original poster

NorthernNanny · 05/04/2011 21:33

No, I'm in Manchester :) I guess it's time to look for another job. Thank you all very much for your help, I was feeling extremely frustrated and felt maybe I was being overly sensitive about the whole lunch issue and petrol but as people have said, at 30p per mile, I'd be paying to take LO out!

OP posts:

LittleOneMum · 06/04/2011 11:20

Poor you that sounds awful. I am a nanny employer and your story makes me feel really sad. I always take the view that the person who looks after your children is someone who should be treated like gold. Not buying your lunch for you? Scrimping? These sound like horrible people. The kitty is for the benefit of their child, FFS. Nipping out to buy your own lunch will mean less time playing with the child too. I'd seriously think about getting another job if you can, I know it is not always easy. I just wanted you to know that there are nice employers out there! (my nanny eats breakfast, lunch and dinner at my house and she only works 9 hours a day). x

Original poster

NorthernNanny · 06/04/2011 18:21

You sound like a lovely boss :) Phoned my MB today to ask about the mileage - she said that they're not putting the mileage up. Final. I then asked her how her mothers day was - DB has only gone and brought her a brand new 2011 plate Range Rover. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry.

OP posts:

NannyW · 06/04/2011 18:25

After hearing that then I wouldn't bother with them! Find another job, just tell her that you will be subsidising to take her child places and that as a nanny you expect to be treated fairly as you will taking on the huge responsibility of caring for her child - tell her that you will begin to resent the situation (i.e. hate your job) which cannot be good for her child. A good nanny is like gold and she has to understand that!

Strix · 06/04/2011 18:34

Walk away. They are unreasonable. You are not happy. And the job hasn't even started yet. How understanding do you think she will be when say you call in sick. How much notice do you think you are going to get onholiday dates? If you want hols at a different time, do you think she will care?

alarkaspree · 06/04/2011 18:41

I would look for another job too, but in the meantime you should absolutely not agree to using your car for work for 30p a mile. That is totally outrageous.

Seriously, these don't sound like good people to work for.

Ripeberry · 06/04/2011 19:12

See, they ARE loaded! My god, that kind of car is over £30,000! Most mums in the world just get a card made by their child(ren), but IMHO that is much more valuable than some posh car.
Hope you find a great employer who treats you like gold

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