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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CM takes daughter on playdates to people I don't know - advice please

64 replies

LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:17

Hi there - advice please!

First child, 10mo daughter, so no experience of what childminders do as normal.

Very happy with the CM.

She has now started to take my baby with her on playdates to the houses of people I don't know. Sometimes, I only find out where they have been that day in my daughter's daily diary. This is making me feel very uncomfortable.

It's not the outings per se - it's not knowing what environment my daughter's in, with who and where she is at any given time.

I am going to chat to CM about this today but does anyone have any advice? Is this normal if you are a CM?

Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SwearyMary · 07/03/2011 09:20

My CM always told me what the plans were with regard to taking my DD out etc. I would expect any CM to do the same.

BoattoBolivia · 07/03/2011 09:21

Think you have to trust your childminder on this one. She's not leaving your daughter there alone, so she is still in charge. Childminder's are allowed to socialize with other parents/ childminder's with your child. Mine goes to a childminder toddler group, but I would be happy to trust her judgement on other people's houses.
What are you worried about?

Pancakeflipper · 07/03/2011 09:23

What do you want the CM to do?

Do you want a CM to sit in the house all day with your and other children they may care for.

Or do you want your child to socialise with other children and different environments.

If you are concerned about the homes they are visiting then have a chat with your CM and ask about them ( in an interested way not a suspicious way).

Many of the childminders I know meet up regulary at the library, toddler groups, parks, each others homes. I suppose it makes it more fun, nice to have support and nice to see the kids together?

BoattoBolivia · 07/03/2011 09:24

Apologise for the extra apostrophes. Blinking auto-correct.

Bucharest · 07/03/2011 09:26

I'm really anti-social so would be pleased that the CM was socialising with my child.

The CM will have been CRBd and thoroughly checked, so presumably isn't taking your daughter to a crackhouse.

That said, I'd also want to know where she was going and would be surprised if she didn't tell me, but as you have seen it in your daughter's diary, she has told you, hasn't she?

Just ask her face to face at pick up who these people are.

RitaMorgan · 07/03/2011 09:27

I think it's normal - you have to trust your CM to take your daughter out and about.

To an extent with a CM you fit in with them, it's not like a nanny where you can call the shots.

LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 09:28

I think if you trust your CM to look after your DD, you have to trust her to take that she is taking her to places that are appropriate. I had no idea where my DS was or what he did during the day when he was with a CM because I trusted her to take care of him.

twopeople · 07/03/2011 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Iggly · 07/03/2011 09:29

Not quite the same but at the start of the day I ask DS's nanny what plans they have. I've told his nanny that DS can go on playdates but I'd like to know who and where. She also has to ask if she takes him anywhere that requires more than walking eg a bus. She also has people over.

At the end of the day, I trust her to look after my child - which includes taking him out. If I didn't then she wouldn't be looking after him. Do you trust your CM?

Original poster

LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:32

IMO, library, toddler groups etc are one thing, someone's house is a different deal. It's wanting to have an element of control over the environment she's in. Very happy she is being socialised. Very happy with CM. Just don't like not knowing where she is and who she is with.

Of course no crackhouses etc!

But this is standard practice, then, CMs taking their mindees to friends' houses?

OP posts:

Original poster

LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:35

Iggly and twopeople: I do trust CM. Or at least, I am starting to - it's a new arrangement, would be stupid to blindly trust.

So I think that your approaches will suit me and I will have a conversation with CM to that effect. Thanks.

OP posts:

HSMM · 07/03/2011 09:45

This is very normal for CMs. It doesn't always work telling parents in the morning, because I might say we are going to toddlers and then the sun bursts through and we end up in a forest for the day.

As long as she is not hiding it from you and is telling you clearly in the daily diary what they have done and where they've been, then hopefully you can trust her. Not all CMs do a daily record of activities.

If you have any concerns, do have a chat with her, because it sounds like she is happy to be open and honest with you.

People's children are quite rightly very precious, so parents have a right to be concerned, but she is not your employee and will make some independent (safe) choices I'm afraid.

Original poster

LuckyC · 07/03/2011 09:51

Thanks, HSMM.

OP posts:

crw1234 · 07/03/2011 10:05

I think this is completly normal - although my CM only talks mindees to other childminders houses, they are a gang -and only really in the holidays - she has friends round sometimes though - I wasn't sure about that at first but its been fine. And she just tells me in the diary. I am not sure I would be keen if it was all the time - but the odd time is fine

JenniPenni · 07/03/2011 10:11

I am a CM and have never taken a mindee to another person's house, it's always been to a playgroup/park/common/library etc. where we might meet up with another CM or past mindee and their parent perhaps. Most often it's just us.

I do have 3 or 4 (sibling variation) under 5s though, and so am mindful that my mindees increase kiddy numbers considerably, wherever I go with them.

I don't see anything wrong in a mindee going to another trusted home though, and would definitely let the parent know exactly where we were going, who we are seeing, my relation to the other adult etc. Goes without say. BEFORE the outing. Plus written in the daily diary too of course.

NetworkGuy · 07/03/2011 10:14

Can certainly see your concern, LuckyC, and even taking HSMM's comment into account, think it would be courteous to inform parent eg by SMS on plans where they will be out, whether to library or forest or elsewhere. If something happened, do you know car registration of CMs vehicle, for example?

Will ask my sister (who has been in Soc Services for 30+ years, and has done inspections / checks on CMs for LA) just how much a parent might be expected to be told prior to CM taking 'mindees' away from CMs home.

Tanith · 07/03/2011 10:15

Is she taking the children to other childminders' houses? I often do this. Other childminders will also be CRB checked, inspected etc. and may have resources I don't have and vice versa when those childminders bring their children to visit me. They'll have done risk assessments: they're actually as safe or safer than taking your child to toddler group.

A childminder is a home from home environment. No doubt if you were at home you'd be visiting friends and having them to visit you?

Tanith · 07/03/2011 10:18

Social Services???

NetworkGuy, not only are you years out of date, you are completely over-reacting!

BoattoBolivia · 07/03/2011 10:20

Although I have no issue personally with CM visiting other homes, do OFSTED have an opinion? They seem to have an opinion on every other minute thing the CM does!

LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 10:22

FWIW NetworkGuy - I would have been hugely pissed off if my CM had texted me every single time she took my DS out of the house. If I didn't trust her to make sensible appropriate choices of activity then I wouldn't have left him with her.

iskra · 07/03/2011 10:46

For me, one of the reasons to choose a childminder over a nursery was that I wanted my DD to continue to be part of our local community - going on playdates, outings, toddler groups etc. So the above scenario would not bother me. My childminder has been minding for about 10 years & I trust her judgement.

Grabaspoon · 07/03/2011 11:33

As a nanny - so different to a childminder - my bosses have always been happy for dc's to socialise with local children and so as well as toddler groups/outings to the park etc.

However we do also go to special friends houses and have them over - would say there are 2 main friends that we see and dc asks to go and see or asks if they can come over and play. The children are all the same age so I know that when we go to their house the toys will be age appropriate and the environment will be safe.

In my last position MB knew of the people we playdated with and actually met them a handful of times if she got home early or had the day of work. However she trusted my judgement.

RE texting everytime I did anything - it would drive my bosses mad - they trust that when they walk out the door that they have chosen the right person to look after/educate their child and if I kept texting/calling then it would disrupt their working life and would probably get them doubting my abilities. Obviously I text/call if I absolutely need to ie taking Dc to a doctors appt because of a rash, let them know we're having fun at the beach or if mb is away just a text saying what we've been up to and that dc misses her etc.

AboardtheAxiom · 07/03/2011 11:40

When I was a childminder the only other houses I would visit where those I had risk assessed as appropriate for the mindees (eg I knew they would be baby-proof with safety gates, and where suitable adults for mindees to be around such as other cms or my SIL who used to nanny, worked with children and had her own dcs). I used to go with the flow too depending on weather, what times I had to be at home/school so often wouldn't have a specific day plan on drop off.

I'm sure your cm is weighing up these decisions before she visits people with your DD and it sounds as though she is open and honest about it, writing it in daily diary. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you talking about it with her. Does she have her own dcs? I used tor eally feel for the parents entrusting their babies to me while they went to work, having my own child I really empathised with them and was totally understanding about how hard it could be. HTH

Bramshott · 07/03/2011 11:41

I love it that my DD has friends that I don't know that she has met with her CM at playdates / toddler groups etc! Playing in a home-based setting with another child/children is a different skill from playing in a toddler group setting, and I'm very pleased that my CM gives DD the chance to do this. I chose a CM because I wanted DD to have the chance to do all the things I might do with her if I was at home.

Grabaspoon · 07/03/2011 11:45

lol Bramshot my last boss was in Tesco's when dc said that's M, MB having heard of M several times but haven't met her, told DC to shout Hello M loudly so that she could say "Hello" and meet her properly

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