CM takes daughter on playdates to people I don't know - advice please

[LuckyC]

Hi there - advice please!

First child, 10mo daughter, so no experience of what childminders do as normal.

Very happy with the CM.

She has now started to take my baby with her on playdates to the houses of people I don't know. Sometimes, I only find out where they have been that day in my daughter's daily diary. This is making me feel very uncomfortable.

It's not the outings per se - it's not knowing what environment my daughter's in, with who and where she is at any given time.

I am going to chat to CM about this today but does anyone have any advice? Is this normal if you are a CM?

Thanks.

It's been very interesting and useful to hear all your comments. Thanks very much indeed.

I'm starting to let this add to my anxiety now, so will sign off this thread.

As a childminder how is due to be inspected tomorrow around like headless chicken smiley, I have to ensure all my risk assessments are up to date. A childminder has to do a risk-assessment for every outing. I also have RA's for other childminders houses, I usually state that the other person has been CRB checked and that they have a wide variety of toys and available etc, any pets and safety equipment. If the friend isn't a childminder then a RA would be even more important, as the CM would have to take into account the persons house and garden and that if certain areas are not safe (say steps down to a garden) the CM will ensure she takes steps to avoid and minimise risks. My risk assessments are available to all parents and I regularly advise them that they are welcome to look through them.

I would fully understand your concerns and be happy to chat to you about where we go.

Haven't time to read all this, but I think when your DC goes to a childminder, there's a kind of unsettling feeling for the parent/s that you aren't the first one to know everything about your child anymore, including what they've done all day. A CM can write in a daily diary all they like (I'm amazed they can make the time) but it's not the same. And it's something you just have to live with.

Our CM is fab, but it still feels a bit weird when I come in to collect and see DD playing with stuff in a place that isn't home. However, I know this is my stuff - DD has a complete gas when she goes there, and I have to remind myself that this is the biggest priority. I trust the CM to supervise well and keep her as safe as I would, without restricting her so much she misses out on fun.

perfectly normal for a cm to take the child out.. wouild you rather she stayed in with ceebeebies!!!

you trust your cm dont you?? or not??? or just if they at her home???

in a nursery she would be mixing with lots of children and staff you dont no!!

you must relax, trust your cm and not worry.. or else stop work and stay home with her 24/7..

I think it's fine that the OP should be concerned about her child's whereabouts, but I do think her CM is letting her know the routine in her daily notes.

CMs offer a service and parents need to decide if they are happy with that service (or choose another CM). Of course they can ask questions, but the CM might have perfectly valid reasons for what they do.

Give the OP a break and let her have an update chat with the CM. It should then all be resolved I think.

just a quick rejoiner, I didnt mean that last comment to be hurtful in any way.. as a parent.(and cm) i do know how you feel but its true that when you work you HAVE to trust your child carer be it cm or nursery or you will never be able to relax..

LuckyC - please don't feel bad, I hope you are still reading this thread.

I think it must be incredibly hard for a parent to leave their child with someone that they don't really "know."

Although I ensure that parents know how I operate, and what sort of things we do on a weekly basis, things might change as time goes on and it may well be that there are things parents are a little unsure about.

I have always told parents that they must tell me anything that they are not sure about, or might be concerned about, and I would make every effort to put their minds at rest.

I meet other CMs and parents at various social groups we attend (not their homes), and children I care for often make good friendships with children that their parents do not know. I always write about their friends in diaries, and also talk to the parents.

LuckyC - you have every right to (nicely) ask your CM about her activities. I think it takes time to come to terms with the fact that someone is doing things with your baby that you don't have total control over, but I hope that your CM puts your mind at rest.

OK some hours later, found a couple of past business cards, indicating department has been called Sure Start and Extended Development, and a couple of posts she held were Childcare Development Co-ordinator, and Childminding Network Co-ordinator. Now she's a centre manager within the county.

It was me who mentioned Social Services, me, the dinosaur unfamiliar with changes, and not her, that made a posting.

I am not sure that "Any information she could give you would have little relevance today." would be a fair statement now.

Would you stick with those words now, Tanith ?

(No need to respond, it's a hypothetical question!)

LuckyC

I haven't read through the whole thread, but wanted to add my experience.

My dd is 4.5 and at school now, but has been with her cm since she was 5mths old. She loves her, and it's become her second home really! Using a cm was the best decision for us, and I was lucky to find ours.

She has always taken dd out on playdates, but generally to other cms'. They all seem to socialise together around here! It's been great for dd. She's met new people, and has turned into a happy sociable litte girl who isn't phased by new situations. We had no problems starting play school or school, actually she wanted cm to take her for her first day of play school lol!

The main bonus for ME of dd having met other cm's and their charges, is that they've covered for cm when she's been on holiday! It's been great, and so far I've never had to take time off because one of them has always been able to cover, and dd is happy because it's someone she's know for years.

Hope it all works out for you, it takes a while settle into it all.

Firstly I would not think your minder would mind you speaking to her about this. She will put your mind at rest. I am a minder and occasionally visit other minders for play sessions. The children do enjoy it. It may just be a friend with a child similar age which would also be nice. But she wouldnt mind for a second you asking her about the person and what the children do. By telling you her plans she is partly doing that anyway. :-D. And network guy what you like! Lol

I'm a CM, I have taken one mindee to a playdate before but only once in 12 months. The playdate was with children the same age and I have been to the house many times before so it was easy to risk assess before I went, I knew toys would be appropriate, stair gates etc.

I told parents before we went, but if they had said no then I would assume this meant they did not trust my judgement and I would terminate the contract straight away. If they had asked a bit more about it then of course I would be happy to tell them why I thought it was appropriate to go and not been narked off at all.

My DD is now just starting pre-school and I hate that we don't get a diary or anything. Ok, so she's only there for 2.5hrs but I hate not knowing what she's done during the day!! What I do know though is that although she is the youngest there I do trust the judgement of the staff, if I didn't then she wouldn't be there.

Yes, well I'm sure your time was well spent, Network Guy

No, I don't think your posts are at all relevant for the question being asked by the OP. Why do you think it necessary to involve Social Services, the Network Co-Ordinator, Childcare Development co-ordinator and a County Centre manager over a simple case of a childminder quite legitimately taking her mindees on a playdate?

Tanith, I do not think Network Guy is trying to "involve" SS. She was just thinking of asking her sister for professional advice, to see if she can help the OP in this situation in any way. It's rude of you to trample on her goodwill.

LuckyC

Did you manage to speak to your childminder? :)