not happy but not sure if I'm being precious.

[QuoteCode]

Long story short - ds is 3.9, been at his lovely bright busy caring nursery for a year but increasingly very anxious about leaving me. Last 4 months haven't been great, since Christmas terrible to the point of crying about it at weekends, when he wakes up, all the way there, hysterical when I leave him and although he calms down the staff tell me he is "fine" but they honestly can't say "happy".

Decided to take him out and find a CM as I think he would do better with much gentler environment, fewer children, more 1-on-1. However CMs where I live are few and far between but managed to find one near me with a vacancy. Popped over on Sat to meet her, wasn't entirely sure about the set up but she was very warm and friendly and nice with ds.

Today is first trial day. Her house smelt a bit of smoke, but not fresh smoke. Perhaps her DH smokes (he works out of home during the day). The main living room where the children are is very dark - one wall painted v dark brown, dark brown venetian blinds, down but slats open. Lights not on. Very grey rainy day today.

TV was on - we'd spoken about this on Sat and she said the TV went on after tea only. Today she said it was on because one of the mindees was a bit under the weather. It would be going off shortly, oh after Something Special, no actually after the thing with the dog because the other mindee liked that. (so it would be on for almost another hour in fact). She also said as it's ds's first day they might put a DVD on later. They probably wouldn't go out today because of the other mindee. It is wet but ds has wellies and a waterproof as well as his coat and gloves.

When I was leaving they were going to get some toys out for ds, she only had baby things out for the baby mindee. ds very upset to be left (but he always is, even with much loved gps.)

I've been out on an errand and I did do a detour past the house - TV was not on at 11am when I went past, but was on again at 11.25 when I went back.

I'm not happy about this, I am torn because this is my last option and I'm going to have to rethink work and training if I take him out and have him at home. So am I being precious or is this a bit poor?

I don't think that you're being precious, she's said that the TV is only on after tea and it obviously isn't. This is only one day though, give it a few more days to see how things go.

But, if your gut is telling you that this isn't the right place for your child, don't ignore it. Do you have any pre-schools near you with wrap around care? They tend to be smaller than nurseries.

Yes, give it a few days, she may have been having an off day.

thanks for wading through all that cakey - I didn't manage to cut it so short after all.

there are pre-schools etc but they don't operate a full day and of course not in the holidays, both of which I need to be able to work and get this qualification sorted.

tbh I think that ds is just at a point where he cannot cope with being left somewhere with other people. if I have him with me for the next 7 months it might bolster his confidence and make him more happy about leaving me when he goes to school. Or it might make him even more bonded and desperate not to leave me. Gah this is a real problem and I don't know what to do about it.

ok one day with a lot of TV won't hurt I guess - though I'd said specifically that ds is a telly addict so not too much please.

re the dark room, can I ask her to put the lights on?! I don't object to her decor but it's pretty gloomy with no lights esp with today's weather.

It sounds awful. I wouldn't be happy either. Personally if it were me I'd take a couple of weeks off work, find a new nursery, spend the time getting him setled in gently.
He'll be 4 in 3 months, he'll settle down. I assume he'll be starting school in september anyway.

erm - just rechecked her ofsted inspection. it says she can care for 5 children at any time, of which 3 can be early years. today she had 2 x 3 yo, 1 x 2 yo and 1 x baby. (ds being one of the 3yo). So she's breaking her regs? unless I've misunderstood early years.

No idea about the OFSTED regs Quote, but you're obviously not happy so you'll need to come up with Plan C. Not easy, but good luck.

I agree you need to give it more than one day but it doesn't sound good. If you/he are still unhappy you will have to re-think.

I think the nursery sounds better - you describe it positively and at least he is familiar with it even if he isn't very happy there. Could you get his place back?

From your son's point of view, he is now in strange house with a strange baby.

I have every sympathy, my son cried persistantly being dropped off at nursery - it is heartbreaking

I could have the nursery place back - but I honestly don't think ds can cope with it. perhaps I am too soft but I think when you're 3 you shouldn't be so upset so much of the time, not about a big thing like where you spend 3 days of your week.

will talk to nursery again. perhaps a break from it would help. arrgh this is horrible and so emotive and frustrating. I want him to be happy but I also want him to go to nursery!

She is breaking her regs by having four children in the early years group.

She may vary the TV watching. My mindees watch more when they are under the weather and if it's really cold outside BUT I do have a chart which we fill in so they know when they've had their limit.

She might have had it on more to help settle your ds if she knows he likes it. I'd be more concerned about her breaking her regs and the smell of smoke tbh.

I wouldn't be happy about the stale smoke smell, but that's just something I feel strongly about. So I'd not send him back and say no thank you. That's just me, though.

She may have been granted a variation since the inspection though, so might not be breaking regs.

I'd give it a few more days. However no-one should be smoking in a room where minded children are looked after, so even if her DH smokes, he shouldn't be doing it inside.

I think you need to go with your gut instinct. I wouldn't like to spend the day in a dark smokey room with the telly on all the time, even if she is a nice woman. There are too many kids which is why she doesn't want to go out in the rain.

Question is - what next? What about a nanny share? Could you stick an ad on gumtree for a nanny 3x week and see who turns up? He might be happier with a single adult in his own home environment which I think is optimal for small children actually, especially slightly anxious ones. But obviously it will be more expensive... A nanny with her own child/baby will be cheaper... there might be possibilities there?

thanks everyone. last inspection wass oct 2010.

we've spoken by phone to see how things are going. ds wants to go out, but because one of the other mindees has a temp they can't. am going to collect him now and will have a think - not due back until next week.

worth having a browse on gumtree. or putting an ad up and seeing what comes back. you don't have to make quick decisions but then again you don't want to stress your ds any more...

ahhh childcare. nobody tells you about this at school

Another thing that concerns me is why is she caring for a child with a temp? What if your ds caught what ever the other child had? I am a childminder, and I will care for children with the odd sniffle / cough, but as long as it doesnt impact on the other children in my car.

I am going to have to say, maybe have another look around. Where are you, as someone on here maybe able to help?

Another childminder here. These are my thoughts:

GLOOMY - not nice, I always make sure it's well lit and I wouldn't like it gloomy

TV - could be an off day, could see how it goes and it may be that she thought it would help settle your ds if he's that bad?

RATIOS - if you look online, it SHOULD show current numbers allowed. If that's what you looked at, unless one of those young children is her own then she's breaking the regs. If one IS her own, she's not as the certificate only shows numbers of children she can MIND.

SMOKE - I don't like that it smells. My dh smokes but NEVER in the house so it never smells.

NOT GOING OUT - sorry but no, I don't agree with that. I take children with minor coughs/colds etc. but no one can stay with a temp and even if it's just a cold, if they aren't fit for normal activities then they have to be at home. It's not fair on the other children otherwise. What if they took it in turns to be under the weather, they'd never get out! Now today I've not taken my lot out and I won't be (apart from the school runs of course). But that's because we've been busy making Valentine's cards so writing, gluing/sticking and making cookie dough then making heart shaped biscuits. After school we will decorate with pink icing and sparkly silver balls and they'll be wrapped tomorrow in red foil with ribbon to give to their parents. I have no time for them to go out today (as they have 3 hours of nursery in the middle of the day). So not going out is ok, if it's for the right reasons!!

Right, that's my opinion given. Good luck, I do feel for you as it must be horrible but you have to go with your gut feeling really.

thanks so much for your thoughts. My gut feel is that it isn't right. ds seemed ok with it, and said he preferred it to nursery (which is too noisy he always says).

I asked what he'd done and he said mainly TV but that CM had said he "shouldn't watch it because Mummy would be cross if he watched too much." so "the others watched it and I didn't" I haven't been able to work out if he sat in another room or in the same one but tried not to look!

CM also said "we'll get out next week - weather permitting". well it's rained hard all day but we went off to the local children's centre, just got home a bit damp but no bother really.

I was also about the mindee with the temp. she is long term and leaving soon so perhaps that's why allowed - but it would have been nice to have been told. she doesn't seem to have any policies, and looked surprised when I handed over a sheet with contact details, emergency contacts etc - I didn't get the impression she was going to ask me to fill anything in.

Am I right in assuming that you haven't completed a contact, health form, any permission forms etc? That is not right at all.

Sorry too many bells are ringing to me.

Sounds like she's not meeting the very basic of what I'm sure are the legal requirements (I say I'm unsure as I don't need a document to tell me I should have all this info!!). That alone makes me say get rid, sorry that doesn't help but

she said on Sat that we could do a contract "if I wanted but..." heavy hint. as I wasn't entirely sure about her at the time, I said ok - although if today had worked out better I was going to insist on a contract.

have not seen any forms eg permissions or health, though she asked if ds has any health or allergies probs, which he doesn't.

If Ofsted inspect then you automatically get unsatisfactory if you don't have emergency contact details for children in your care, so she isn't doing well if she didn't ask for yours.

You can't get a variation for 'new business', only for 'continuity of care' (so siblings or for existing children to do extra ours) so it also sounds like she is breaking the rules of her registration (so her insurance will be invalid) so that isn't great either.

Added to the no policies (what did her Ofsted report say about that?), tv on all day, not going out (under the EYFS its a statutory requirement that you're out in all weathers unless its dangerous!) and stale smoke I'd be looking at other options if I was you!

Cross posted... She was happy to not do contracts ! This means its likely children are 'off the books' and she's not paying tax?

I'd leave now - and strongly consider reporting her to Ofsted!

I suspect she has contracts for the others, but because ds will only be there a few months until school she thought this was a good option... I hadn't really thought it through until I twigged re form filling, contacts etc. but as I say I was definitely going to follow up on it if things had worked out - I guess in my gut I knew this wasn't quite right. the other cms he's been to before were very different (and fabulous! we moved away from one and the other gave up when her youngest started school. poor ds has had so many changes of childcare. perhaps he's just had enough, I know I have).

Keep looking for another CM, because there will be one with a bright welcoming smoke free house, who rarely uses the TV, because they're out all the time.

Other CMs in your area may have vacancies at the beginning of next school year in September, so if you are in a position to take some time out, then that might be an option.

Insist on policies, contracts, registration document, insurance, etc.