Would you consider a male nanny?

[Earlybird]

I am currently registered with a nanny agency looking for a one day a week nanny. A friend has just called to recommend a nanny who is available - and a 30 year male. Supposedly he was in his last job for quite awhile, and his previous family loved him.

I have several initial reactions - does it matter that he's male as long as his references and police check/first aid are OK? Second, it could potentially be good for dd to have a man around as I am a single mum (no father in the picture, and no partner), and dd does, at times, seem starved for male attention.

Would it seem strange for a man (no relation) to collect dd from school, take her to birthday parties periodically, and supervise playdates? Part of me wonders if I could feel comfortable with a man looking after dd (she's 4.5), giving her baths, etc. And would other mums hesitate to let their daughters come for playdates? Am I too paranoid? Too conventional?

Think I need to decide if I'm comfortable with the idea of a male nanny before I decide to pursue it further. What would you do?

But Madmarchhare- surely all nannies are a potential security risk initially whether they are male OR female!

But - you meet with them, do your checks, and then count them or discount them (well that's what I'd do if hiring one anyway). To make this assumption beforehand is unfair to the applicant - even moreso if it's based on just gender!

Yes absolutely, either could be a risk, but I am talking about the initial reaction. It is unfortunate that this is how we are, generally, but that just the way it is.

Madmarchhare, I know that the safety of your child is the reason for the gut reaction and that does make it different from a male having a gut reaction to hiring a female.

But my point was that having a negative gut reaction about hiring a male nanny that you DON'T then rationilise is, frankly, somewhat ignorant and backward-thinking. Because you are implying by that thought process that all male child carers are potential abusers and must be considered more warily than female carers. Are you therefore going to ensure your child goes to a nursery where there is no male staff, or a school where there are no male teachers?

ANY child carer regardless of sex needs to be assessed for possible risk.

In Earlybird's case I would have thought given that she is looking for a nanny through an agency and a friend recommended the male nanny, the recommendation from someone you know would be a plus, regardless of the nanny's sex. I understand why Earlybird had concerns - it is natural - but I hope that certain people here haven't put her off pursuing that avenue.

Entirely .

Well, I am slightly changing my view on this. I would be less worried if all child carers were female. Why is this? I have questioned myself over the last couple of days and wondered. Is it because, we as, mums, feel that women take care of children better than men. I certainly feel when I phone my DH on a saturday (whilst at work) at about midday, to find out what my ds has eaten. DH says toast and he didn't want any mmore. I say 'can you cook.......' and DS eats it.

Also my Childminders DH dressed up as Sylvester the cat today for a party and my DS went mental. I was not expecting this re-action. The other children were ok, but my son went absolutely mad, even when he knew it was his childminders DH.

Maybe males are not as good carers as women. I have found that most kids go to mum when upset and dad when having fun. Maybe I am wrong.

This is a bit late on the scene but have got to reply to TTT's reply to mine.

As I said in my post (and I did do it 3 times for good measure ) I hadn't got time to read the link (all 20 dense typeset pages of it). I was hoping that as TTT knows so much about it he could quickly point me to the relevent paragraph.

Seems not ....

Another thing TTT, are you disagreeing with the assertion that women are more likely to be the main carers of children? If so can you tell me why you disagree with it or am I misconstruing the meaning of "ahem"?

Hello there.

I happen to be one of the dreaded male nannies you speak of. I find it very disapointing that most of you share the same point of veiw. That is, "That all males are potential abusers." Bollucks. It is to be expected though. I have been caring for children for over 3 years now. During that time I have cared for children ranging in age from birth to 16. I am a great person. I have even been a summer camp counselor. Sure, I agree that you should take all necessary precautions before letting a man take care of your children, but that does not mean to automatically think of him as a child pervert or any such thing. Its sickens me really. In todays world. That if a man shows effection for a child he is either gay or a pervert. Thats the mindset of most woman, and men for that matter. Something needs to change. I guess thats all I say for now.

Most people act under the press related image of male child care professionals, This is predominantly an image of an abuseive character. Would people think twice now about seeing a male nurse? The abuse image is also tainted. For a start as with all abuse it is not a male dominated area. Yes Most sexual abuse is commited by males but not all. Emotional abuse is mainly female dominated, physical abuse is 50-50. However recent cases of abuse have been cases where female staff have allowed their non childcare boyfriends abuse children. Male professionals are fully checked out and you will be able to collect references for them. Equally as this is an issue always at the surface when male carers are concerned you will find that men have had to work harder to succeed as so many automatically discount them as if they were abusers.

Haven't read the whole thread but DS goes to creche one day a week and one of his nursery workers is male. I think it's great and since the male worker started DS seems to have really started to enjoy going. He used to cry when i left him (albeit only for a short time) and now he cries when i try to take him home! We used to have a male babysitter when we were kids and he was also great.

definitely!! DD's childmider ia a man and she loves him and he's great.

I haven't read the whole thread (although I've skimmed it so know it's got a bit heated).

I would absolutely consider a male nanny (I have a DS, but I would for a DD as well), and even more so if I were a lone parent.

I did not read the all thread but I am quite surprised I must admit by the replies. actually I am quite shocked about it.

I'd thought when you choose for suitable childcare you'd judge the person not the social,racial,national,gender group that person belongs to.

TBH this is discrimination bug time and I do not understand why is it not okay to say all these things that have been said below against someone say from a different country or race but it's perfectly fine to say it about men. would you have a thread that says "would you be okay with hiring a polish/italian/black/asian nanny????"

How can we then complain that men are not caring enough with their own children or do not help out in the house!!!

oh FFS I am so so so very now it's not good for me.

I have to say that I agree with NotSoUseless about this. What on earth is the problem with a man? Sure, there are things sexually a man can do that a woman can't (although that doesn't mean female paedophilia is impossible), but we're all big and strong enough to hurt/damage young children. I looked enthusiastically for a male nanny for my kids last time I was looking, and couldn't find one. Now I know why they don't apply!

Childcare and primary schooling is completely female dominated and I think it does kids a lot of good to have the odd man around. Earlybird, I think a male nanny would be great for you as a single mum - I always think the value of a nanny is to provide a different viewpoint and a different set of skills from the parents, and it would be great for your dd to see a male viewpoint in her day to day care as well as the loving women she has around her. I can't believe that other kids wouldn't come round for play dates and do you want your kid mixing with the children of the 'all men are rapists' crowd anyway?