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Original poster

CM Club: kissing mindees on the lips

55 replies

navyeyelasH · 13/10/2010 22:05

Long story short, can't go into much detail for obvious reasons.

I never actively seek to kiss any mindees on the lips they are usually walking germ bags!. A mindee (1.5 yrs, wanted to give me a kiss goodbye and kissed me on the lips, in that puckered lips style kiss IYKWIM.

All hell has broken lose and I really didn't think it was an issue. What's the consensus?!

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onepieceoflollipop · 13/10/2010 22:08

I think that you should always turn your head very slightly so that the person (unless it is your dh/dw/dp or possibly own child) makes contact with your cheek rather than lips.

"all hell has broken lose" - what exactly happened?

I also think that even if a kiss on the lips is accidental/unintentional then it is inappropriate in this setting. (not "pervy" or anything like that, just crossing the boundary and some people may choose to misconstrue it)

RandomMusings · 13/10/2010 22:11

I always turn my cheek, you have to cultivate that kind of sideways glance to check if they are lunging at you and dodge

You MUST protect yourself NEL

xxx

woahthere · 13/10/2010 22:14

Bloody hell, Im always kissing the babies I look after.

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 13/10/2010 22:15

Not serious "I'm reporting you to the police hell" but still, don't really want to go into detail here.

I'm so naive! I don't think I've ever kissed a mindee on the lips before and often tell older ones to kiss on the cheek due to germs etc.

Loos like I was stupid and will learn my lesson. What about blowing raspberries on tummies/cheeks? Fake eating of tummies? Tickling etc.

I do have a physical contact policy btw!

OP posts:
Original poster
navyeyelasH · 13/10/2010 22:16

"Bloody hell, Im always kissing the babies I look after."

Yeh well, don't anymore you wont! It seems home from home environment isn't quite home from home. What if I mindee says "love you navy", should I say, "love you too mindee"?

OP posts:
NJE · 13/10/2010 22:17

Hi,
I pick up a child from her childminder in the evenings and she always kissed the childminder on the lips when she says goodbye. I don't think it is a big thing. Children get attached to someone, especially after they have stayed with a childminder for a long time (It's her fourth year now)

I am a nanny and some of the children I have looked after have kissed me as well. I did not feel very comfortable with that first, but mums have even encouraged it. "Give her a hug and her kiss ..."

RandomMusings · 13/10/2010 22:20

no fake eating of tummies, or blowing bubbles on tummies, nothing like that

cheeks and hands, fine

honestly it's dreadful but for our own protection

Sad
onepieceoflollipop · 13/10/2010 22:22

There is a big difference (imo) between a hug and a kiss on the cheeks compared to a kiss on the lips. Some people (rightly or wrongly) feel that a kiss on the lips is too intimate/inappropriate apart for close family/partner.

woahthere · 13/10/2010 22:27

if they say love you, do you not just say ...oh that is so sweet thank you, youre such a lovely boy/girl?
Im not stopping blowing raspberries or fake eating tummies.Thinking about it I probably dont kiss on the lips but if a child kissed me on the lips and caught me unawares it would be a bit horrible to recoil in horror wouldnt it. The world has gone mad.

thebody · 13/10/2010 22:30

wierd,

and I mean the people who think its wierd to kiss all mindes on the lips, tummy, shoulder, bum.. for gods sake what is the world coming to!!!!

yes I kiss all of mine good buy and if a lip puckers I kiss it... for fucks sake.. should I turn my head as if child is in the wrong ..to have a kiss from me.. of course not...

usually think if someone thinks thats wrong then that person has a problem not me....

perverts charter... we all need as adults and parents to fight back.. all know whats innaopropriate for gods sake and whats not.....cokmen sense where the fuck r u ...

RandomMusings · 13/10/2010 22:32

woahthere yes I would say oh that's a lovely thing to say, aren't you just the loveliest child etc

we work alone, and are very vulnerable to accusations so avoiding actions that may or could be miscontrued is imperative

so no I don't kiss lips, or blow bubbles on tummies or whatnot

Sad
Original poster
navyeyelasH · 13/10/2010 22:32

I think I normally say "thanks X" but I can't be sure I haven't said something like "I love you to the moon and back" or whatever that book says, or I might even have said "love you too", I don't really think about it stupidly. So no I love yous and no raspberries.

Ok so allowed are kisses on cheeks and heads and that's it?

RandomMusings, are you a namechanger? Don't revel your original name if you don't want I think I know you x

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 13/10/2010 22:34

thebody I didn't see anyone on the thread saying it is weird to kiss mindees on the lips, tummy, shoulder, bum ..

I think your post is rather rude actually.

Personally I think it is inappropriate to kiss anyone on the bum unless possibly your own dp/dh/dw but perhaps I am weird?

thebody · 13/10/2010 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

RandomMusings · 13/10/2010 22:36

yes indeed I am NEL x x x

kiss cheeks, heads, hands

again I say, it's not about protecting the children it's about protecting you

onepieceoflollipop · 13/10/2010 22:37

I still don't think I would kiss a mindee on the bum, nor would have I been happy if my former cm had done this to my dd! Shock

Each to their own though. :)

edam · 13/10/2010 22:43

when ds was little, his nanny used to kiss him on the lips. I didn't like it, tbh - just didn't sit right with me. But she is a lovely woman so I never said anything. Would have hated to hurt her feelings - ds adored her. Glad I kept quiet, she's so lovely she's still in touch with us now four years after she stopped working for us, and takes ds out for the day occasionally.

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 13/10/2010 22:43

Aww man can not believe this, wish the world really was the fuzzy warm place it is in my head. I haven't been accused of anything FWIW but parent not happy and I feel a bit ick about everything.

I wouldn't kiss a bum, cos well, it's a bum and also a bit more taboo than a mouth, but the hell what do I know! I am saddened to hear that if I child kisses me on the lips I have to give myself whiplash to avoid it and that I can't say I love children I often spend 50 hours a week with!

RandonMusings, thought so! Hope tricks are good with you? xx

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thebody · 13/10/2010 22:45

sorry dont mean to be rude but I couldnt do my job as a cm like that..

i treat all the children as if they were mine while they with me.. same love, same discipline, same fun..same cuddles.. how could u not...

parents love this. my own children kiss and cuddle mindees, they 21,19 and 11..

we are tactile as a family i suppose and my parents love this and I have a huge waiting list.. think I may b doing something right..

thebody · 13/10/2010 22:50

reading the posts again it seems like its not about the cm, nanny being a perv.. (and lets face it thats how it was represented..) its about the parent being uncomfertable with the close relationship between the nanny/cm and the child..

totally diferent things and a whole new post in itself....

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 13/10/2010 22:56

thebody, you're very aggressive this evening! I didn't represent it any-which way I did say "Not serious "I'm reporting you to the police hell" but still, don't really want to go into detail here"

Im not sure what the parents issue is TBH and I don't think they do either but something isn't working or else I wouldn't be here asking for advice.

How can you not be close to children you look after everyday? I though that would be a good think. So long as you're not a weirdo clingy TOO CLOSE childminder.

Anyway, I'm going into detail which I didn't want to do. I was just trying to gauge as a general rule of thumb what is and isn't ok. I've also reviewed my physical contact policy to cover everything I hope!

OP posts:
RandomMusings · 13/10/2010 22:58

yes all fine here thank you NEL x

ah, thebody, it's not about being a perv AT ALL it's about not giving anyone the chance to ruin your life by making an unfounded accusation

NEL I hope you are okay my lovely x x

thebody · 13/10/2010 23:14

omg.. sorry to appear aggressive, i am sooo not.. or not overly this evening!!!!!

now I m worried that I dont have a physical contact policy.. for the love of god.. whats that.. I dont have it... going into the garden to eat worms!!!!!

MaureenMLove · 13/10/2010 23:35

Er... THEBODY.... I'm with you! The world has gone potty! This is one of the very reasons I stopped childminding! Well, I didn't cite not being able to kiss on the lips in my resignation, but you know what I mean!

I will not be dictated to by some Power in Government about how I, and the parents who's kids I minded, are looked after and nurtured! I too was full for the 12 years I minded and never had to advertise. All my charges came by kiss word of mouth.WinkGrin

Of course, I kissed them on the lips, if lips were offered. I obviously didn't activity encourage it, but you can't beat a sloppy, wet, snotty toddler kiss!! Grin It's what being a CM is all about isn't it? The CM is an extension of the family, isn't it? Business or not, THAT'S why people choose childminders!

Sorry you've been made to feel so bad though OP. Hope it doesn't cause you too much stress too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/10/2010 23:45

nel sorry you have been through the mill with this - its a sad world when we cant show affection to our loved charges :(

fwiw i get kissed by all my dc all the time (am/pm pick up at school/before i go home etc)and often they do pucker up and get the lips

i dont turn head to the side (unless no 2 as he is quite salivary Wink) but neither do i lunge for their lips

mb isnt bothered at all - think she would be worried if they didnt want to kiss me

obv no bums are kissed Grin but lots of raspberry blowing on tummys etc - but again different as a nanny then a cm

i really dont know how you cm's do it you know with all your policys/paperwork etc