CM Club: kissing mindees on the lips

[navyeyelasH]

Long story short, can't go into much detail for obvious reasons.

I never actively seek to kiss any mindees on the lips they are usually walking germ bags!. A mindee (1.5 yrs, wanted to give me a kiss goodbye and kissed me on the lips, in that puckered lips style kiss IYKWIM.

All hell has broken lose and I really didn't think it was an issue. What's the consensus?!

This has really scared the shit out of me. One of my children regularly grabs me by the head holding my cheeks with both hands to make sure I get a snotty, gooey smacker right on the lips. (then laughs at me, when I pull a funny face) Children that have been with me for years, 50 hours a week, regularly tell me they love me, I always sing back "I love you too, you gorgeous little one". They are without their parents for gods sake for so many hours a day, if they choose to trust me to tell me they care for me in the most basic way, I do not like to side step it, I have always felt it would make them feel rejected.

For goodness sake the words "i love you" come up all the time in shows like x-factor, people who barely know each other telling them they love them soooooo much. At least I really do care and love the children I care for.

I'm with the body, I find this really sad and it makes me re-consider my job (yet again).

I am a CM and I avoid kissing mindees on the lips, because I do not like people kissing my own DD on her lips. I kiss them on their cheeks and foreheads all the time and I tell them I love them nearly every day, because I do. I do have a contact policy, but I shouldn't think it gives me much protection.

Well, personally I dont kiss any one on the mouth apart from hubbie when he goes to work in the morning, and this sounds awful but I always wipe my mouth with my hand after , horror.
I just dont like it, thats all, germs an all that I think subconciously.
Kisses on cheek, top of head, hand, raspberries on tummies, cuddles and hugs thats fine by me

Well, personally I dont kiss any one on the mouth apart from hubbie when he goes to work in the morning, and this sounds awful but I always wipe my mouth with my hand after , horror.
I just dont like it, thats all, germs an all that I think subconciously.
Kisses on cheek, top of head, hand, raspberries on tummies, cuddles and hugs thats fine by me

Have I missed something in this thread: Are we also being discouraged from telling our mindees that that we love them???

No 4 - No way am I stopping saying it back when they say it. I've never said it first but say it back to them as I feel as though they'd be hurt if I say 'ahh, thanks'. At the moment I have all the 2/3 year olds having competitions with who can say it the most and if one says it, the next does and so on. I just say 'I love you too....'. Like someone else pointed out, they can be with us for 10/11 hours a day, 5 days a week (and some regularly stay overnight or have stayed for a few days in a row) and it's a bit sad if they can't have it said back to them.

I've always kissed them loads (younger ones) but then again, they all pretty much all started as babies (2 of them were 8 weeks old when they started) and I've never myself gone for the lips but if they go for them, I just go with it as feel bad otherwise. I do insist we do cheeks when we've got colds etc.

Anyway, this thread made me wonder about the kissing thing so this morning I asked one of my nearly 3 year old mindees mum what they thought about it and she looked at me like I was mad and then said of course it's ok to kiss on the lips. I will check with them all, well one I don't need to as mum said 'say bye bye to looney, kiss on lips' type thing from when they first started with me at the beginning of the year!! I appreciate we're all different but I'm pretty sure the parents of my lot would rather I did, it's just the sort of relationship we have.

Oh, and I do raspberries on necks/tummies and tickle too!!!

What has the world come to! :(

looney you and i are the same :) and also have sensible mums

how can someone not lovve/hug/kiss a child they look after?

My cm says "I love you" to my ds and if she stopped, I'd be so very :(

Sorry you've had a hard time with this, navy. How horrible.

oops
jsut saw the "CM Club" part of this title . Not a cm here. sorry! Just wanted to add my 2p worth :)

This has cropped up before and I always find it interesting as it shows how different we all are and how we have all been brought up differently.
Personally I don't do kisses and I offer my cheek if a child wants to kiss goodbye, I love all the hugs that go with looking after mindees but I don't love them and never will, I just don't feel the same about them as my own children, I love their company and the fun that they bring but thats where it ends.
I wasn't brought up to be all hugs and kisses and i'm sure thats the difference as I do do hugs and kisses with my own children and they are much more tactile because of it.
Its just another area where we have to respect the fact that there is no right or wrong answer to this it just depends on the parents.
I hate to think that the op has been made to feel she has done something wrong, but in the parents eyes they don't like it and unfortunately that doesn't mean the parents are wrong but that is the way they feel.
I hope it works out ok for you op in the end, sending you a hug and a big smacking kiss!!

Blondes - I feel very lucky and feel very sorry for NEL :(

Star - I think many of us value your input so I wouldn't worry about the 'club' bit :)

Dan - think that's it, we're all different and need to see how each family feel. But I think it's a hard question at the very start when maybe the parents are finding it hard to leave their child with someone else. Then when is it the right time to ask? I guess I judge by how the family are. I personally DO love my mindees, they are my extended family! Obviously I don't love them like my own, nothing could compare to that, but they are definitely special little people in mine and my families lifes :)

Oh, and that includes the nearly 7 year old who I've made perfectly clear to that she's NEVER allowed to leave!!! I've told her parents too - we joke and I say I'm going to 'keep' her (she is lovely) but it's a jokey thing!! lol (some people would probably think that makes me some weirdo but I don't care, as long as the parents are happy!!)

Thanks, looney :) I honestly do think my cm loves ds... maybe I'm naive, but I think she does! And that makes me so happy!

I'm a teacher of young children and I'm a very hands-on person. I put my hand delicately on the back of a 2/3 year old in the dr surgery last week when I had to step over to remove DS and the child was playing very close to where I had to step and I didn't want to frighten him (looking up and adult legs, not your mother's 2 cm from your face when you turn around sort of fright!) - anyway, I put my hand delicately on his back and said, "sorry, excuse me sweetheart :)" and he smiled back and kept playing. The mother briskly picked him up and set him on her knee, with a glaring look... (??) I had no idea that this would have made a parent angry! If I do this in my school, no one even notices!

What on earth goes in a Physical Contact Policy?

I kiss mindeees on head, cheek etc and blow tummy raspberries. I treat them like I treat my own children which is something the parents have commented on but only ever as a positive thing.

One mindee always went for the lips and sometimes its too difficult to turn a cheek. His mum was always there though as it was a goodbye thing and she seemed amused and pleased that he obviously liked me.

i find it weird that you dont love your mindess dan?

though i know we are all different :)

i love my dc with a passion and have been the same with my ex dc - its heart breaking when you leave a family and know you wont see their dc every day/week even if you keep in contact

i gota massive hug and kiss from all 3 today when i left as they know they wont see me again for 4 days, no 3 babs always squeals with excitement and runs for a hug/kiss when i come to work and you can hear her calling my name as i put the key in the lock

awww blondes how sweet! :)
I would go even further to say that I would not feel comfortable with a cm who didn't love my ds. I know that sounds selfish!
But I do understand that those with their own dc obviously would love their own dc more than mine!

it is sweet and i would do anything for my dc (not sure about the woofa )

I have a baby daughter and a mindee about the same age. They are both kissed, tickled, cuddled and loved. It's what the parents want - a loving home from home where their child is treated as one of the family. I couldn't treat one differently from the other, even if I wanted to.

Exactly, if I wanted a less personal approach where there were very strict rules about kissing and all that, I'd send ds to nursery. CM is a home away from home.... with some preschool learning mixed in! :)

Blondes- I do get big hugs and we laugh and tickle each other, but I don't feel love for them.
Some of the children I have cared for are friends children and yes i'm close to them, one child my children became very close to and I have her come to play just so we get to see her, she is lovely.
I think with me its a bit of a protection thing for me as I don't want to get too attached to them, I also have 4 children of my own and I suppose when I first started minding I didn't want mine to feel jealous, to be fair that has never been a problem.
I don't think i'm weird but I understand what you're saying.

dan - good, coz i thought i may have offended, glad i didnt :)

So you do show love to the mindees you look after, then! That's what is important. :)

I've kissed on the lips as well, usually by accident, but I don't feel bad about it. I've got one little girl that prefers it, in face my 2 year gives others kisses on the mouth as well. There is the germ factor but...

I always respond to I love you's as well - because I do. Not in a replacing their mum kind but a care for them kind. I adore them, and I am sure their parents wouldn't have it any other way. They ARE part of my family while they are here, they feel it as well. Again, full spaces and waiting list.

Goodness, I kissed one of my mindees heads when I saw her in school this morning. I would hate to think someone thought badly of me!

Crace - I'm pleased there are a few of us as this thread worried me. Snap about the full and waiting list - as long as the parents are happy, I don't care. Maybe I should do a permission for though? . I know the bond is stronger with those who start as babies, especially my tiny ones (earliest started at 5 weeks old and she was 5 weeks prem so TINY and she was scrummy too, thank god I still see her from time to time, I was so gutted when I had no choice but to give notice). I've even offered one of mine to visit during my week off - I'm off during half term and their parents are off abroad on business so an aunty is coming to stay with them. They don't see the aunty huge amounts so I offered that if mindee got sad about everything being different, for the aunty to call me and we can get together and have a chat/cuddle etc. Mum was very grateful that I cared. I even had this one visit me several times whilst I was on my 12 week maternity leave, so I could cut her nails! LOL (she was only 6 months then though). Anyway, went off on one there, just trying to say I don't see this as just my job and then I switch off.

It never occurred to me that a CM kiss on the lips could be considered wrong. My dd had a lovely relationship with her CM, which included lots of cuddles and kisses. I can't remember whether there were any kisses on the lips but I don't think I would have even noticed. I was more concerned that my dd was happy and felt secure. I know that some parents feel threatened if their dc becomes very attached to the CM but imo that is more about adult insecurity.