Anxious about my chosen chilminder

[chilminderdilemma]

I've name changed just in case.

I am probably nervous as this is the first time I have left my kids with anyone for this long at this early age.

DS is no 3 and he is just one. His 2 older siblings are at school but will be having some before and after school provision with the same childminder.

There is nothing I can put my finger on, just an overall feeling of it not being 100% right.

There are no other childminders available who can pick up at school and the older two really like her.

She has her own child who is nearly 2, a little girl and DS who share a birthday and are just one. This isn't my ideal set up, as that sounds like bloody hard work to me.

Her house is very small and there is no seperate room or anything, just the toys in the lounge. There are no stair gates and the back door has a high concrete step. Are these things actually ok, Ofsted wise?

I am not bothered that her house is small, mine is too, just about how they are all going to play etc.

Should she accomodate DS's normal sleep pattern or make him fit in with the other charges?

God, I am talking myself out of this now.....

Sorry for waffling.

I think if your gut feeling is telling you it doesn't feel right, then listen to it.

God. I feel bad though. She has been holding a place for months. No retainer.

That is her choice though. Do you have other options?

If no one else has asked for a place she is no worse off.

Normally I would say, go with your gut, but in your case it sounds like you are having a bit of a wobble, as you haven't done this sort of thing with your older children.

In terms of the 3 littlies, DD's childminder has had similar ages, and it has worked really well.

I don't think many childminders have separate rooms for the children - certainly around here it doesn't pay enough! Presumably they won't be in the house all the time, but will be out and about at playgroups etc.

With regard to sleep, it's really important that your DS can sleep when he's tired, and a good CM will always find a way to make that happen. But if he always has a nap at 10, and that is when they are out at a playgroup, he might have to nap in the buggy, iyswim? But you should have a chat with the CM about this to put your mind at rest.

If your older two really like her, that is great. Also great that all three of them will be together some of the day.

In your shoes, I think I'd give it a go, and see how it works out.

I agree, gut feeling is very important. If you'd said it was just the ages you had a problem with as you think it's 'bloody hard work' I'd have said something about that (I've had loads of littlies, including after maternity when my ds2 was 10 weeks old, I also had an 8 month old, 17 month old and 19 month old - all at the same time - they are now 2.2, 2.8, 3.4 & 3.6). However, I do have a seperate room, not huge house but it's fine for what I do. Could never have managed in my smaller house when I just had the lounge full of toys (I never had so many so small in that house).

Does the school have a good after school club?

I have just found online that there is someone else that does pick up and drop off at our school. Shit, that gives me another option.

Her house is scruffy. Am I a terrible bitch/snob *delete as appropriate

Apart from these practical things that you mention (which to be honest don't seem like the end of the world to me, as long as she's a lovely person)- is there anything personal about her that feels not quite right? That's much more significant, in my view, than size of living room.

Yes, the school has before and after school club.

I think if you are going to use a CM, you have to accept that:

• there will be up to 3 under 5's there. Even if you start off with your ideal age combo, things can change quite quickly, and you could end up with 3 littlies.

• Most CM's, around here at least, don't have a huge amount of room in their houses.

• There will have to be a bit of flexibility around your DS's naps - e.g. he won't be able to have a nap in a cot if it's school run time.

Are there other problems with the childminder over and above these?

the stairs ought to be gated

the step isn't so bad, she should have risk-assessed to show how the hazard is minimised

my house is very small, a front room free-flowing into kitchen/diner then on again into the garden, so that shouldn't be a problem (I am rated as Outstanding) - the quality of the care need not be compromised by small space

3 under 5 sounds hard but an experienced minder will do it standing on their heads

So in all, the ungated stairs would bother me most - you could ask her to gate them, that's not unreasonable at all

Her fault for not charging a retainer/deposit

Don't feel bad if you pull out, your children are your most precious possession

I'm not sure about the personal side of it. I am a terrible cow, and not sure if I am just being a cow now.

I feel like I am clutching at stupid straws because its just not quite right.

I might wobble like this with any childminder though.

I want to cry.

Her house is scruffy. Am I a terrible bitch/snob?

Yes, sorry! What do you expect? Childminders have a house full of children, aren't paid very much, have to store tons of toys, and work long hours. They are not exactly going to live in a show home.

But at the end of the day you are really not happy then you'll have to make other arrangements. Could you afford a nanny, it sounds as if you would be happier with that?

inveteratenamechanger - I take back some of what I said now and agree with what you put. When I said I wouldn't have had the ages in my smaller house, that was with my 4 under 2s, not OP's CMs ages. Yes, I'm out a lot so if she's like me and many others, it shouldn't matter so much. Agree about the naps.

As for the stair gate, Ofsted are ok as long as we can explain how we'll keep the children safe.

Agree about the 'wobbles' comment too. I rush read the OP and didn't realise that this was the first time using a CM, I just saw the 3 children bit and thought confident mum LOL. If this is your first time using a CM then you are totally within reason to have doubts but if the older children really like her, I agree it's worth a go. Does the contract give a settling in period (usually 4 weeks) where you can leave without paying notice if you don't like it?

I'm a little confused on numbers. Most childminders are generally only allowed 3 under the age of 5 including their own children, unless they have a variation to allow otherwise. If she has a variation then she would have had to show Ofsted that she has the room and facilities to accommodate them. Basic safety issues should be in place such as stair-gates. If there is an issue with the step then I would imagine access would be restricted.

I do daily diaries for all of my children and ensure I keep parents fully informed of any changes. I would also be open to discuss any queries/concerns parents have especially when children first start.

Have a chat to her and settle your worries one way or another.

So you're saying that actually she's really nice & you like her and it's just you being (and this is normal of course) ambivalent about leaving your children?

Or is there something personal, even just a vague gut feeling, that you don't like about her?

I ask because even gut feelings, something feeling not quite right, are important when it comes to nannies/childminders.

Should it be dirty and scruffy though? Am I being terribly unrealistic?

naps - yes you may have to compromise on exact nap times

My house is scruffy too - because the nature of the job means that skirtings get scuffed/paintwork gets grubby, we paint it out every year but it soon looks tatty

It must be clean though, sparkling clean

Oh lord, don't cry! It IS very hard. I wonder how much of this is about the CM and how much about going back to work?

If you do pull out, I wonder whether it might be worth offering to pay her something akin to a retainer? Presumably you will bump into her at school gates, potentially her DC will be in a class with your DS - you don't want any bad feeling.

Why is it shit that there is another potential option?

Did you feel relieved when told you could cancel?

Even if it 'shouldn't' be dirty & scruffy, it might well be a bit like that because I'm sure CMs have a hard job on their hands with so many children around. Hell, I have one 2 year old toddler & my house is very often dirty/scruffy let alone if I had 3 under 3 or whatever, plus older children.

Or is the dirt/scruffiness well beyond what might be considered normal?

aarggh keep x posting

clean at the beginning of the day, by pickup it may be erm less than sparkling depending on the weather/activities

But if you are not keen then cancel

Yes, I do like her. She seems kind. There is something but I'm not sure what.

The sleep time thing has got to me the most.

I don't mind him sleeping in a buggy, thats what he does at home. He normally sleeps 10-1, but she wants him to wait til 11. I'm just worried he'll get overtired and upset.

Am being precious aren't I?

Scruffy yes, dirty no. But scruffy can look dirty if you're not used to it!