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Original poster

Anxious about my chosen chilminder

68 replies

chilminderdilemma · 03/09/2010 13:37

I've name changed just in case.

I am probably nervous as this is the first time I have left my kids with anyone for this long at this early age.

DS is no 3 and he is just one. His 2 older siblings are at school but will be having some before and after school provision with the same childminder.

There is nothing I can put my finger on, just an overall feeling of it not being 100% right.

There are no other childminders available who can pick up at school and the older two really like her.

She has her own child who is nearly 2, a little girl and DS who share a birthday and are just one. This isn't my ideal set up, as that sounds like bloody hard work to me.

Her house is very small and there is no seperate room or anything, just the toys in the lounge. There are no stair gates and the back door has a high concrete step. Are these things actually ok, Ofsted wise?

I am not bothered that her house is small, mine is too, just about how they are all going to play etc.

Should she accomodate DS's normal sleep pattern or make him fit in with the other charges?

God, I am talking myself out of this now.....

Sorry for waffling. Sad

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looneytune · 03/09/2010 13:53

Oh I'm slow Grin And I agree even more since the state of the house comment. God, I'd LOVE to have a lovely decorated home but I just don't get time (we have tons of paperwork and stuff too which we do in our free timem) plus I'd then be upset if someone messed up my nice home so it's best to be not perfect instead Wink Seriously, I'm not saying all but MANY comments on here about childminders NICE houses has been from parents saying they never do messy play, children can't do this and that because it might make their house messy. I'd say a scruffy house is a GOOD thing, means they aren't precious about kids ruining it :)

lukewarmcupoftea · 03/09/2010 13:54

Look at your issues.... You say your older two love it there, so I think you need to be really sure why you're having cold feet, and that it's not just a wobble at leaving your son, rather than where you're leaving him iyswim...

No space... but do they play in the garden, or have a trip out most days to the park etc?

No stairgates... yes, that would be an ofsted requirement. I have to say, my cm has them but I never see her using them. But there's also never been a problem as she keeps a really good eye on them, so I can live with that as she is generally fab

Concrete step outside.... can't see why that's an issue?
Number of kids... 3 under 3 is hard, but do-able and within the allowed numbers (and the ratio would be unlikely to be better at nursery). If she's new to cm then maybe she'd struggle, but if she's experienced then she'll cope ok. Don't forget they're all getting older all the time, so rapidly gets easier for her.

Sleep patterns... yes she should try to accomodate your sons needs, but obviously has to balance that with the other children as well, so eg won't be able to sleep at school run time.

The best thing to do is to talk to her about all this. If she's any good, she'll hear exactly what you're saying, and should be able to set your mind at ease.

Unless there is some other reason you are uncomfortable?

Maria2007loveshersleep · 03/09/2010 13:54

Well he's 1 isn't he? Eventually (very soon, probably) a 10-1 naptime will change, so yes you're being a tiny bit precious, 1 year olds usually can delay their naps by 1 hour. What time does he wake in the morning, out of interest, and then needs a long nap so early (at 10)? Perhaps actually it might be good for him to eventually move to a later nap ie after lunch? Just ideas.

inveteratenamechanger · 03/09/2010 13:55

Yes, you are being a bit precious! But it is totally normal if you have not gone through this with your other DCs.

If they go to a lovely toddler group at 10 and do singing etc. he will WANT to stay awake until 11.

Don't forget that their sleep changes so quickly at this age anyway.

Original poster
chilminderdilemma · 03/09/2010 13:55

I don't live in a show house either, I have three as I've said so its not always clean and/or tidy.

I went to visit at 3pm which was arranged in advance. Dirty dishes still on side, lots of them. Bedrooms so messy that my DD (who lives in a pig sty) was shocked. Should she have tidied up or just had it like it 'normally' is?

OP posts:
ForzaDelDestino · 03/09/2010 13:56

he will slot in to a new routine very easily, you would be amazed at how many children I've had adapt to sliding their nap back or forwards depending on the activities/outings planned and how the child is too on that day

Maria2007loveshersleep · 03/09/2010 13:57

Oooh, I wouldn't like dirty dishes I think. And I don't like the super-messy bedrooms thing.

The naptime I really wouldn't worry about though.

Original poster
chilminderdilemma · 03/09/2010 13:57

Thanks for being so kind and not flaming me. I'm not going to work, I'm going to uni, so v excited about that. I don't have any help with the kids, my parents live overseas. I am a huge control freak and I think it is more about me relinquishing control than her house being scruffy TBH.

OP posts:
inveteratenamechanger · 03/09/2010 13:58

Hmmm, tough one about the messy house. ISWYM, but on the other hand, if it had been really really tidy it might have meant that she had stuck the other mindees in front of Cbeebies for 2 hours while she did her cleaning. Which obviously wouldn't be great.

So you could interpret the messiness as a sign of her child-centredness.

ForzaDelDestino · 03/09/2010 13:59

ah now are the bedrooms used for minding?

my children's aren't and they are TIPS; you might need to check this with her

bless you, you sound so torn

don't cry, we're trying to help you unpick this

inveteratenamechanger · 03/09/2010 13:59

Enjoy uni, whatever you decide! I would honestly give it a go. If your DS is happy there, who gives two hoots about some dirty dishes?

It must be very hard leaving DC3 when you've had total control with the other two. But he will be fine - and so will you. Smile

Original poster
chilminderdilemma · 03/09/2010 14:01

No idea if the bedrooms are used for the littlies, but def are for the after school kids.

You are really, really helping. I am crying but feel better.

Damn control freakery.

OP posts:
Original poster
chilminderdilemma · 03/09/2010 14:02

I would feel I was betraying her if I went elsewhere.

She is vegetarian. So am I. Grin

OP posts:
ForzaDelDestino · 03/09/2010 14:02

It's okay to be precious as long as you know you are being precious, IYSWIM

[hug]

ForzaDelDestino · 03/09/2010 14:03

oh at both being veggies, that has hilaired me immensely

lukewarmcupoftea · 03/09/2010 14:04

Hmmm, was itclean apart from the mess? She could have just been having a bad day. My cm has a touchy house, thousands of kids, but it is always immaculate (apart from the toys, piles of washing, normal household stuff). What I'm trying to say is it always feels bright and welcoming, I think that's important.

The naptime.... to be honest that isn't going to fit with any cm unless she doesn't have other kids (and if that is the case, it might not be for long). If you want them to get out and about, then they need that 10-12 slot when most stuff goes on in between school runs. Wouldn't a short nap say 9.30-10, then long nap after lunch 1-3 work? That seems to work for most 1 year olds?

Why don't you check out the other option you mention, then make a decision? You need something!

ForzaDelDestino · 03/09/2010 14:04

Any other issues you want to raise, or come back later if you have more questions, yes?

have a cup of tea and blow your nose

looneytune · 03/09/2010 14:04

Awwww, {{{big hugs}}} you'll set me off soon! I've had to hug new parents who are in a state at leaving their babies but I'm sure you'll be fine. 2 of my mindees started at 8 weeks old and one of the poor mums used to be crying at every drop off, bless her (hormones all over the place), yet the one who left their 5 week old was fine (although I had their sibling). All parents are different but I certainly do as much as I can to reassure wobbly parents and I'm sure your childminder would be happy to discuss any concerns you may have x

lukewarmcupoftea · 03/09/2010 14:05

Touchy??? Darn predictive text, tiny, tiny it should read!

lukewarmcupoftea · 03/09/2010 14:07

looneytune, you sound like a lovely cm! (despite the very un-mumsnetty hugs Wink)

frakkinnakkered · 03/09/2010 14:08

Will the children be using the bedrooms? If so, does it matter whether they're messy or not? What about the areas the children would be using?

Dirty dishes on the side - would you rather she had washed the dishes or supervised the children? She might have had a hectic day and felt terrible about the dishes being there. The dishwasher might have been on the blink. It might be normal.

Was it the only time you went round? Did you try to raise the issues with her when you were there?

Whether she should have tidied up or not is slightly irrelevant really. What matter is whether she showed any awareness of the state of her house, whether she considered it normal or whether she apologised for the mess, and whether you're comfortable with that level of mess.

lukewarmcupoftea · 03/09/2010 14:10

PS also want to say, I am also a massive control freak. I think I am lucky enough to have found one of the best cms ever, who loves my kids almost as much as I do, but I still have wobbles occasionally over small stuff, and I've been using her for 2.5 years! That's why I think I, and the others, are trying to pick apart your issues, to see if it is just colly wobbles.

looneytune · 03/09/2010 14:11

YEAH, what is this thing about NON MN hugs???? I've seen them offered recently as 'non mumsnetty' and yet I don't know when all that started. I've been on here for nearly 6 years and there used to be a lot of hugging going on Grin

Anyway, thanks for your kind words :)

lukewarmcupoftea · 03/09/2010 14:13

looneytune - all to do with this snobbery rivalry that seems to have sprung up with a similarly named site. I love a good hug meself. (just not too many kisses, shudder)

looneytune · 03/09/2010 14:19

Oh right, thanks for clearing that up for me, I don't venture from this section often so not totally up to date Wink.

Just for you..... xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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