Anxious about my chosen chilminder

[chilminderdilemma]

I've name changed just in case.

I am probably nervous as this is the first time I have left my kids with anyone for this long at this early age.

DS is no 3 and he is just one. His 2 older siblings are at school but will be having some before and after school provision with the same childminder.

There is nothing I can put my finger on, just an overall feeling of it not being 100% right.

There are no other childminders available who can pick up at school and the older two really like her.

She has her own child who is nearly 2, a little girl and DS who share a birthday and are just one. This isn't my ideal set up, as that sounds like bloody hard work to me.

Her house is very small and there is no seperate room or anything, just the toys in the lounge. There are no stair gates and the back door has a high concrete step. Are these things actually ok, Ofsted wise?

I am not bothered that her house is small, mine is too, just about how they are all going to play etc.

Should she accomodate DS's normal sleep pattern or make him fit in with the other charges?

God, I am talking myself out of this now.....

Sorry for waffling.

Sorry, was just speaking to a friend about it. No, she didn't apologise for the dishes and yes, the bedrooms are used for the older bedrooms.

The day I visited she had no mindees and hadn't had any all day.

Am going to ring this other lady I have just found, then at least I have a comparison.

Have blown nose and re-applied mascara.

Thanks for your help. And I will be back

older children

Duh.

She should've tidied up if she'd had time. I once totally forgot I'd made an appointment for someone to come around, the house was a DISGRACE, I was so embarrassed I could've died. I didn't get the contract funnily enough and I'm not surprised, dishes were unwashed, I hadn't hoovered and I hadn't put the toys away, my last mindee left just as she came, it was a nightmare. But that was at the END of the day, not mid-way through a day off. As an aside, I'm not really sure what relevance dirty dishes have to childminding though?

I have only been a CM for 6 months, I have been looking after 3 under 2s pretty much since I started - I don't think you have to be particularly 'experienced' to be able to do it, you just have to have the right personality and have no intention of ever getting anywhere on time!

lollipop, you wonder what relevance the dirty dishes are but say you were so embarrassed about them, so they obviously are enough of a factor to care about IYSWIM.

I have seen the ofsted report. 3's throughout and something about missing documents/information. This has now been rectified I believe.

I wouldn't set too much store by Ofsted - DD's CM is 'satisfactory' and she is fab. Equally, I have read here of 'outstanding' CMs who are dreadful.

Good idea to see how you get on with the other CM - it is always good to have a point of comparison.

Have tried 7 and no vacancies so far. None of them pick up from the DC school either.

Could you just discuss your concerns with her, eg re nap/stairgate, and assuming she's good at talking things through with you (v important for the future relationship), then proceed on a trial basis?

That's just far too sensible lukewarm...

My life is nothing without a drama and I think I'm doing my usual trick of making mountains out of molehills.

I'm just panicking as I always trust my instinct and it is ringing the warning bells at me- loudly.

I will talk to her about his nap and provide her with a buggy so he doesn't have to sleep in the double all the time, or the other mindee can use it if neccessary, so there is another option available.

Then I need to get DH to meet her, but I don't think he'll be keen either

Captain sensible, that's me!

I've had those feelings as well, but my cm is fab and it's largely that I'm a control freak and she does some things differently to me (although safeguards their sleep as she knows I'm totally paranoid about that). I'm just trying to figure out whether it's your natural mother bear coming out iyswim, or whether they are alarm bells you should listen to... Either way, I guess a trial period would sort it out one way or the other?

It's tough, and horrible, and I really feel for you.

Aww thanks lukewarm, that's what I'm trying to work out too. I don't want him to have a 10 am sleep tbh and 12-2 would be much easier but that's what suits him and he sleeps dead on that time every day. I'm worried that trying to move him til 11 would make him cry
You are right though, I just need to ask her.

Hi,

Can I add a story to your alarm bells ringing??

Ds went to nursery at 4.5 mo. I had been to see the nursery whilst I was pregnant, was so so taken with it, that I paid my deposit there and then to make sure he got in. Anyhoo, he had a couple of settling in sessions, and I just thought I had made the worst mistake ever. I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, but I just it was going to be terrible, that my pfb would get 'lost' in this big nursery, that I should have used a childminder instead etc etc. Something just screamed 'no' to me. But I had to send him, I was going back to work and had no backup plan.

Well, fast forward 7.5 months and he is just leaving the baby room to go into the ones and twos and he absolutely adores his time there, he screams with delight when he sees his keyworker. I nearly cried today, as they have just looked after him so well.

This was my very long winded way of saying that whilst you should never ignore your alarm bells, they don't always ring for what you think. Try this lady, make enquiries like mad for other places and then see how it goes?

Good luck.

"No stairgates... yes, that would be an ofsted requirement"

No, it is not a requirement, I have been minding for 24 years and do not have stair gates, I have had 2 Outstanding Ofsted Inspections too.

I have told Ofsted I do not use them and they are not recommended for use with over 2's. More accidents happen WITH stairgates than without.

It is about teaching children how to be safe and keeping safe.

It is far easier for a childminder than a parent to manage children and their safety. We are always consistent and continually reinforce good practice.

I was at the zoo yesterday with a colleague, we had 7 under 2 and a half with us, they sat beautifully on a rug eating their lunch, the number of comments to us on "how well behaved they were" " how did we do it" and " Amazing children" and to their own, "look at those children being so good and eating nicely" and so on were so numerous, we can't remember how many! The same at the Open Farm the day before.

It's about expectation and constant praise, I am very proud of my minded children.

But this is not what the OP is worried about, GUT FEELING is what I tell prospective parenst all the time, go with your gut feeling, if that's not good, then you are probably right.

I don't have stairgates and ofsted are happy. My house is clean at 8 am, but by 6 pm there are dishes all over the kitchen and the play room looks like a bomb's gone off. I try and let the children nap at their normal times, but it doesn't always happen unfortunately. I agree you should go with your gut instinct, but do that after having another visit maybe?

i would go for another visit, but sounds like you are having a wobble as your older 2 love her

so she has 3 under 3 - quite doable, esp if she buys a triple buggy - theres a thread somewhere with an exspensive one lol

agree about stairgates, children dont learn from an early age to go upand down safely with them

maybe pop in unanounced to see how she is with the other mindee, maybe ask to speak to that mum as well,esp if her child is the same age as your dc

Just a v quick one as I'm on my phone. She'll have 3 under 2 until before Xmas. She must be crazy! I agree about no stair gates being safer and DS can do the stairs by himself. I understand what you are saying about her looking after them 'better' than me, as she won't be multi tasking with MN . That was what worried me about the very high step but I guess DS won't be left alone like he frequently is at home. Yes, I will go for another visit and ask specifically about his nap. I am trying to relax though and not read too much into things. Thanks all.

Oh and ps, I can spell childminder, although my name and thread title suggest otherwise

3 under 2 isn't uncommon, as I said earlier in the thread, I had 4 aged 19 months and under all at the same time when my own ds2 was only 10 weeks old and I was a big milk machine Now I couldn't handle that many of my OWN children, minded children are totally different to your own children (trust me!). I often get complimented about dealing with all the children, comments on how they wish they could control their children like that etc. and I just explain to them that it's nothing they are doing wrong as parents and nothing I'm doing that's particularly special and that I'm only human and yes, my own children can drive me mad (mainly at weekends) as they know just the right buttons to press

Yes why is that Looney? I have 4 under 2's that I look after at various times during the week, one is my daughter and she is the worst behaved by a country mile!