How do I deal with people's negative comments about ELCS?

[iamwhatiamwhatiam]

Hi,

I'm having an ELCS after a large degree of trauma from previous assisted birth and previous and (suspected) current big baby.

I know there are plenty of people who go on to have straightforward births after assisted deliveries.

I know there are plenty of people who deliver big babies without any problems.

However, I have read and read and read about the risks of C-Sections, and VBs and I have made my mind up that a c-s is right for me.

Generally I try not to get into conversations with people about me having an ELCS as frankly it's none of their business.

However, I've spoken to a few friends about it and thought they understood. My main concern is the level of trauma that my first baby and I sustained as a result of the birth, plus not wanting to exacerbate any previous damage.

I thought my friends understood that, until the other day one of them basically told me she "knew" that the thing I was worried about was the pain and that's why I want a c-s.

Why do people hold these entrenched views, 'too posh to push', 'too scared of the pain' even when they've been confided in otherwise?

Obviously I won't be discussing the birth with this friend again, but I saw her this week and still felt really cross with her, so I'm wondering what I should have said to her, really.

Girlsyearsapart,

It all worked out fine for me. I just kept on insisting that I wanted a section and I had one. To be honest I did discuss the idea of a vbac with my consultant and he said that I wouldn't be allowed to go overdue, had to come in to be monitored as soon as I went into labour, would only be allowed a maximum of 6 hours to have a natural birth. If anything other than the perfect fast labour, before my due date happened then they would be doing a section anyway! That made me even more determined to have an elcs.

So I was booked in at 39 weeks, I wrote a birth plan for the section about things like having one arm free above the screen so I could touch my baby once he was delivered, wanting to breastfeed in recovery etc.

It was a wonderful, CALM experience. So, so different to the emotional upset of my daughters birth.

I know I made the right choice for me because I still cry when I think about my daughters traumatic birth (5 years nearly!) but my son's elcs is just a happy memory.

Another thing to consider is that after my dd's birth it took me 9 months to be able to start bonding with her. Endless counselling just to allow me to relax enough around her to actually let myself love her. I was so obsessed that she nearly died that I was too scared to become attached to her. I desperately wanted to KNOW that my ds's birth would not have any such repercussions. The only way I felt I could be sure was to have a elcs and cancel out the majority of risk to him. (I know my risk was probably higher but that was the least of my worries!)

girlsyearsapart - My best advice for your friend is to seek out the hospital's maternity psychologist, and cry buckets every time she sees her. It worked for me. Psychologist ended up convincing the consultant & head of maternity unit that I should have an elCS.

Having said that, I don't live in a place where SS takes newborns off parents because they think mom is unstable, so it might not be the best strategy for the UK.

Funnily enough that is her plan if she doesn't get the ok next week! she has already contacted the patient liaison people so I think she'll get a yes next week when they realise she is not going to budge.