who's contemplating a home birth - want to discuss it?

[elliott]

Hi there
Noticed that quite a few of us who are now pregnant are planning or thinking about home birth - katherine, motherinferior, princesspeahead, www etc. I'm just 17 weeks now and very undecided about what to do, so would welcome hearing other's thoughts and views. What has motivated your choice? What are your greatest worries/fears/hopes? What is the deal in your area re midwife care - do you feel confident in your midwives? Lots of other thoughts but that should do for now...

[3GirlsMum]

I had a wonderful home birth with my third daughter. Only in labour for an hour and a half and I had a completely natural labour with no pain relief. I can honestly say that it was so much easier to cope with because I was in my own house with people I was familiar with around me. I had the best midwife who I had got to know over my pregnancy and she was as tearful as me when baby popped out and just as suprised when it was a girl instead of a boy as I had been told at my scan!

Good luck to anyone else that decides to go this route and I really hope that your labour is as memorable as mine (in a good way)!

[pupuce]

Probably not
Which part of the country do you live in ????

[Rhubarb]

Up North Pupuce! Thanks 3GirlsMum, reading these experiences does make me feel better. I am scared of having a home birth, I'm scared of giving birth full stop! And whilst dh is ok about it, he's hardly full of encouragement for the idea! Does anyone know where I can go for hypnotherapy? I think my main fear is fear itself, so if I can learn to relax and breathe the pain through, I might be ok. Hypnotherapy sounds like it could help me to do this.

[Gem13]

MotherInferior - your story is so fantastic, you've really inspired me. Got some way to go yet (ok, 32 weeks!) but seriously considering a homebirth now.

Hope you're enjoying these first few weeks.

[SueW]

Rhubarb, try here

FWIW, one of the best Discovery Health programmes I ever saw of a woman giving birth in the US involved hypnotherapy.

I met my first real live doula last week (well I suppose that depends whether pupuce counts as I met her pre her doula days ). She is lovely. I'm not really sure how to describe her other than calm and reassuring and quietly confident. I almost wished I was meeting her because I needed a doula rather than because we had arranged to meet cos we'd been corresponding through the internet iyswim.

[WideWebWitch]

Rhubarb, I'm cacking it too. My strategies, FWIW are:

• Looking at doulas as I think 1:1 emotional support might help. All of those I've spoken to so far have agreed to a bartering deal where we exchange services rather than paying cash, so it needn't be expensive.
  I've asked for copies of my old notes so I can compare how bad it was to how bad I remember it was IYSWIM. Even though it wasn't that* bad, I'd still like the details.
  
• I've been talking to someone here who was scared and yet had an good second labour and her experience has helped (she knows who she is, thanks!)
  
• I've stopped speaking to unsupportive family members about home birth. It's none of their business.
  
• I'd consider hypnotherapy too. As pupuce says, confidence and mental attitude is important and I really need to sort this out before d day. Atm I'm scared and not at all confident so I know I have to change this somehow.
  *I'm also thinking of buying a birth pool - the £34 one from the US.
  
• I'm going to look at the 2 nearest hospitals anyway just so I know them if I do end up there.
  You're not alone though in worrying about it. From talking to other people (friends and doulas) it is completely normal to feel like this 2nd time around. If anyone else has any other coping strategies or positive thoughts please feel free to share them, Rhubarb, it sounds like we both need all the help we can get!

[3GirlsMum]

Rhubarb I suffer from terrible anxiety problems but once actual labour starts all those worries disappear (in my experience anyway). You are so caught up in whats happening you dont have time for the worry. Just remember slow deep breaths..in through the nose for 7 and out through the mouth for 11.

I had a hospital birth for the first two and my third, at home, was by the far the most relaxing. I think everyone experiences doubts and worries whereever the baby is due to be born. As my midwife told me though, if need be you can change your mind anytime you like and an ambulance is only a small phone call away if needed!

I too am up north which area are u?

[Wills]

Gosh I've not been on this thread for a while. Rhubarh I think www's points are extremely good and wish I'd thought of those ages ago. I've sort of pinned my hopes for an easier labour on being at home IYSWIM. Hospital was soooo awful and so out of my control that I hope that by being at home in a more normal environment that I can remain far calmer. Of course dreadful thoughts still filtre through but I have a supportive MW who is so overjoyed at the thought of me having a homebirth (gosh but some people are wonderfully passionate) that she manages normally to put all these thoughts to rest. I'm still humming haring about whether or not to hire a pool. MW has sort of implied that unless we hire a decent pool that self heats that the effort of getting the water to the right temperature and then keeping it there becomes a real hassel and will destroy the calming effect its supposed to have. The idea of my husband being asked to keep the pool warm is just too stressful for me o). So I'm left with hiring an expensive version and I'm soooo tempted but being ever the pessimisitic optimist I feel that simply by hiring it I will end up in hospital. At this rate (32wks) they're not going to have any left so I really need to sort out what I'm going to do. Problem is my feet, ankles, hands etc are all swelling and I suspect my blood pressure is on the way up. I shall be enormously disappointed if I'm told that a homebirth if ruled out because of this.

[princesspeahead]

wills, I've just hired a birthing pool from the active birth centre and they recommend you do it by 4 weeks before you want it so you aren't too late!
I'm the opposite - my dh is the sort of person who needs to be given specific jobs to do in these sorts of cirumstances, so he will be responsible for the temp of the pool. It is just his kind of thing, checking the thermometer every 5 minutes, and will keep him out of trouble!
I also have times when I think "why on earth do I think I can do this at home?" but I know it is what I want to do so I'm just trying not to think about it IYKWIM. And since I've gone for an independent midwife so know exactly who will be there with me (and like her and respect her) my stress levels about it have gone down considerably.
No doubt they will shoot up again nearer the time!

[motherinferior]

You couldn't have been more scared than me (or my dp) of labour, honestly. And I had a completely awful birth the first time round. Www if you want to email me directly feel free too!

I think you need a weird balance of determination to go through with it, and realism that for whatever reason going through with it may not be feasible.

And bugger what friends, relatives, partners etc think (one way or the other - I felt just as cross when a friend opted for a home birth because her partner hated hospitals!). They aren't giving birth. I do know someone who actually didn't tell her dp she'd decided on a home birth till she was actually in labour - she'd packed a hospital bag and all - and whereas I used to think she was out of order I now think she did absolutely the right thing!

[Rhubarb]

3GirlsMum, I'm in Preston, where are you?
SueW, thanks for the link, I've emailed a couple of people to see if there are any practitioners in my area.
WWW, it is good to know that I'm not the only one cacking myself! As you are about 3 weeks ahead of me, I'll be monitoring your progress carefully! So don't feel pressurised in any way will you?

I'm sure everything will be ok. At the moment my strategy is ignorance, the less I know the less I will fear. It would be nice if dh backed me up a bit more. I'd quite like to hire a birthing pool (how much is it to hire one?) but he'd try to put me off. He thinks I should have it in hospital. I don't really know why, and neither does he probably. Maybe he doesn't want the responsibility or something? He also said about the idea of a doula, that he might as well not be there then as he'd just feel pushed out. I can understand this, but you'd think that as I have go to through this, he'd be a bit more supportive. Whenever I try to talk it through with him, he just nods his head in agreement but won't actually vocalise his thoughts on the matter. It is very annoying as I could really do with some positive vibes from him, and I'm getting none!

But I do have a friend who's had 2 successful home births, so she's being very helpful. Family haven't really commented, they don't seem that interested in what I'm doing at the moment, so that's fine by me!

[WideWebWitch]

Rhubarb, the doula I met told me she's there to support me and dp, without being as emotionally involved as he will be. So maybe if you meet a good one she could help your dh talk through his fears and reassure him?

[motherinferior]

Rhubarb, my dh was really reluctant and unhappy about a home birth and I felt like you. But he did go through with it, because I kept stressing that 'I'll stay at home till I go to hospital' and in fact we were talking in those terms till halfway through my labour. And he is now very happy about the outcome...

[motherinferior]

Rhubarb, my dh was really reluctant and unhappy about a home birth and I felt like you. But he did go through with it, because I kept stressing that 'I'll stay at home till I go to hospital' and in fact we were talking in those terms till halfway through my labour. And he is now very happy about the outcome...

[motherinferior]

Btw, www, haven't heard from you if you've emailed me - I did actually try to contact someone else through mumsnet a few days ago, who either didn't get the message or doesn't want to reply, and haven't heard from tech when I wanted to know if my message had got through...don't know if this is just me?

[Wills]

Blast blast blast! Little one is breech and there was me adament that it was head down. I've been feeling like I've got a football between my legs but that appears to be a very firmly ensconced bottom. At only 32 weeks I know that little one could move round but breech will rule out homebirth for certain. I can't help feeling disappointed at the moment cos I'd have really liked this pregnancy to have been nice and simple - well normal! Wish me luck in turning this little one.

[3GirlsMum]

Rhubarb I live near Haydock. My hubby was very worried at the thought of a homebirth and how much mess there would be in our bedroom, which was where I elected to have DD3!

Afterwards he was telling everyone what a great experience it was and how little mess there was. So much more relaxing for him as well! He said that being in your own house and going off to make a cup of coffee was much better than being stuck in a sterile hospital..lol!

[Oakmaiden]

Wills - there is lots of time for it to turn - don't panic yet. In a second or subsequent pregnancy it is not unusual for a baby to turn in the last 2 or 3 weeks - with 8 weeks to go it would still probably turn even in a first pregnancy.

[princesspeahead]

3Girls - my dh is perpetually obsessed with where his next cup of coffee is coming from - that is a very good selling point isn't it? "You can go and brew your own WHENEVER you feel like it darling!"

hee hee

[aloha]

Motherinferior...was it me (small voice)? If so, look in your inbox...

[motherinferior]

Gottit, aloha, no problem!

Wills, I'm sure mine was breech around 32 weeks. And then spine to mine. And even in labour she wasn't fully in position at the beginning.

My dp did seem to spend a lot of time clearing up, I have to say. Don't mention that. Stress access to recovery booze, as well...

[3GirlsMum]

Im just thankful there was no football on..I probably wouldnt have seen him for dust!

Must admit he was very good and went along with it because it was what I wanted. I have a big aversion to hospitals which over the years has got worse and when I was rushed in at 32 weeks with suspected labour pains it made me even keener for my home birth. It was my midwife that suggested it to me and she was really good and went through all the good and bad points.

Was anyone else suprised how much equipment turned up at their house prior to the birth but how little was actually used? I think most people dont realise how well prepared the midwives actually are!

One thing I specifically asked for were sick bowls as with each labour I had been sick after the birth (shock I was told because labour was so quick!). However on this occasion I wasnt poorly at all and my older girls thought that they were hats and took a couple off to decorate them!!!!

[Rhubarb]

3GirlsMum, you're quite near me then! If you want to email me, just ask Tech for my addy, or you can visit my site here and click on the links to email me. I'm sure dh will come round, he probably feels 'safe' in the hospital. I'll try to talk to him this weekend and see if I can put his mind at rest. (Who's supporting who????)

Wills, with my last pregnancy I was breech at 34 weeks and was going into hospital to book the section when a quick scan beforehand revealed that the baby had turned! I was quite disappointed actually, I thought I was going to get off lightly! I'm glad she turned now though!

[WideWebWitch]

I'd appreciate it if anyone has any thoughts on the following. I saw my GP who said she'll support me whatever I do but she then she said the following:

• She has 2 friends whose babies would have died had they not been in hospital. One needed resus beyond the home equipment and I can't remember the other but I did think OK, fair enough when she explained it to me. She said "but I suppose if you asked me as a doctor, I've seen thousands..." and didn't go on to say thousands of what. I assume she meant OK births.
  She said it would be at least* an hour from here by amblance but longer if the ONE ambulance for the area isn't here when I go into labour - i.e. it has to come from elsewhere, so if I needed to transfer it could be a lot longer. We do have a car though.
  
• She said that since I'm with a different partner this is like a first pregnancy and just because everything was OK last time doesn't mean it will be this time.
  Now, is it just me, or is she really not that keen? I've just got my labour notes from ds, 5.5 yrs ago and they're encouraging - first stage was 6 hours 50 mins and the second stage was 39 minutes. I've read them and can pinpoint the painful bit - the pain was about 2 hours but the rest of it wasn't very painful and was completely manageable, in fact, I remember saying to my mum "is this it, it's fine, what's all the fuss about?" Yeah, right, I sure knew what all the fuss was about later. I did panic (and the notes say I was distressed) about an hour before he was born. That'll be the "just as I thought I was about to die it was all over" feeling then.
  
  Anyway, I'd appreciate any thoughts, especially on the "it's more or less the same as a first pregnancy all over again" thing. Surely my body will know what to do again, since it did last time? Thanks in advance anyone.

[Katherine]

HI WWW - it does sound like your GP is trying to descretly put you off the idea. I'm no pro so I can't really comment on a lot of what she has said but.....
I'm in a similar positiion in that its about an hour to the hospital from here. For me that is a major motivator - I don't want to give birth on-route and I don't want DH to have to travel too far with the kids.

There is always a "what if..." thing and I suppose you've just got to follow your instincts as to whether the risks outweight the benefits. Most of the time the birth will be fine and straight forward but no-one can guarentee it. Equally however no-one can guarentee that a complication would be lifethreatening (there is a whole spectrum in between), that it would take ages for the ambulance to come, or that it would be something that couldn't be dealt with. Everyone will always tell you a horror story about someone who would have died etc if they are not keen on the idea but sadly enough if there are going to be complications then there is no guaretnee that having baby in hospital will mean a happy ending either.

REgarding this first time pg thing I just can't see that its that clear cut. Every pg will produce a baby with a differnt set to genes and so every single one is unique anyway, regardless of partner. Maybe there is some evidence that a new partner means there is the potential for things to be different but equally that doesn't mean it will be bad. And I agree that your body will also remember which in my mind probably has more impact than having a new partner.

It really does sound as if your GP is a bit reluctant deep down. Why don't you have a chat with your midwife and see what she says. In my book though nothing she has said if enough to say you shouldn't have a homebirth if you want one.