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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Midwives: amused by people's birth plans?

60 replies

upduffed · 12/02/2010 20:57

Just wondering if any midwives out there would confess to secretly finding what some people write in their birth plans funny?

Am thinking perhaps I should just write "Go home with a baby" on mine...

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Fibilou · 13/02/2010 08:09

That's pretty much what mine said. In the event it never came out of my bag as I delivered within 15 minutes of arriving in the hospital.

SIL is a MW and says they do try to follow them - within reason and safety

Fibilou · 13/02/2010 08:10

And yes, she said that some peoples' expectations and level of detail (esp for 1st time mums) are quite comical

tassisssss · 13/02/2010 08:12

If I have a 4th I might actually write one...maybe I'll say what I've actually wanted to say the previous 3 times

"Don't talk to me, don't touch me!"

(bet they all love me!)

Original poster

upduffed · 13/02/2010 19:15

ha ha ha - it's not that I don't think writing a birth plan is a good idea...

Well-meaning hippy colleague at work asked me what kind of birth I was going to have, and I had to answer "the sort that results in a baby." (am not total cynic -in reality planning some combination of paddling pool/active birth/but definitely-drugs-if-needed extravaganza.) She then said that when she got pregnant she intended to have a beautiful homeopathic birth and I felt a bit sorry for her.

Think any lurking midwives are probably too well-mannered/professional to dish the dirt, or maybe worried about the actual patient seeing it!

OP posts:

Loopymumsy · 13/02/2010 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

carmenelectra · 13/02/2010 21:06

Must admit that i sometimes do have abit of a laugh, as some of them are massive and totally unrealistic. Its a bit of a standing joke that those with birth plans end up with CS or the very least a ventouse. Sorry that sounds awful. I think you need to keep an open mind

fishie · 13/02/2010 21:12

i was very cynical about anyone even bothering to read it, but lovely community midwife persuaded me otherwise.

unfortunately i was proved right when i met the hospital midwives. one of whom did laugh in my face and not in a nice way.

aoifesmama · 13/02/2010 21:13

I didn't even have one printed out... although did end up as an emergency CS so wasn't even awake for the event! (Did have 18 hours of labour first)

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 13/02/2010 21:17

Hmmm. I wrote a birth plan for my 1st and yes, I did end up with an e-c-sect so I wouldn't have been very happy to find out that my birth plan had been laughted at. It was what I was told to do. However, this time I won't be writing one, I'll just use my voice. Maybe then I'll get the birth I want.

hester · 13/02/2010 21:18

Mine was short and focused on those bits of information that really were useful, like: "If baby's dad turns up, don't let him in". My midwife approved

sanfairyann · 13/02/2010 21:19

who cares what they think?
if you're opinionated (like me) you'll find you've got lots of opinions about your births as well
eg do you want drugs offered or want them to wait for you to ask?
what if it's a breech birth? do you want to try vaginal delivery or go for c section?
em c section - want dissolvable stitches? want baby delivered onto your stomach rather than taken off straight away? still want dh to cut cord? want spinal or epidural (assuming is not gen - but if it is a gen, who do you want to hold the baby while you are still under?

maybe it's just my imagination but I can think off the top of my head of about 30 things I've got an opinion on about birth plans. needless to say, my birth plan was long, detailed and flow chart in nature . keep the mw on their toes,I say

BertieBotts · 13/02/2010 21:22

I might dig mine out if I am feeling brave, it is saved on my computer somewhere... I remember looking very seriously through many different websites and downloading templates etc. It was probably very detailed

In the event, I was so disorganised I hadn't even bothered to print it out and so when I finally went into active labour a midwife came up to me and said "Right - birth plan?" I mumbled something about leaving it at home and she said "No bother, only two questions which are really important anyway, do you want an active or managed third stage, and do you want the baby to have vitamin K at birth? We can do the rest as we go along."

And do you know what, she was right - I made sure I asked for a waterbirth and was able to use the pool, but the only things which I wouldn't have been able to intimate at the time were those two preferences she asked me for.

So my top tip for birth plans is to include answers to those two questions, and then basic notes for the rest (ie I would quite like a waterbirth, I would prefer not to deliver on my back etc)

bibbitybobbityhat · 13/02/2010 21:22

Hmmm, I would truly hope there are NO midwives out there who find anyones birthplan "funny".

Fair enough to look back and laugh on your own birth plan.

You cannot predict the way your birth will go but most of us have a pretty serious and sincere vested interest in how we want our births to go. I would think it very mean indeed to laugh at anyone for setting out whatever kind of birth they wanted.

[cats bum].

GothDetective · 13/02/2010 21:23

Best birthplan I ever read said (amongst other things).

"Osama Bin Laden has more chance of becoming President of USA than you have of getting me to b/f, please do not discuss this with me".

I've honestly never sniggered at anyone's birth plan. I always read them and think they give m/ws a good idea of what type of birth the woman wants.

There isa general groan at handover if someone mentions that the lady in Rm x has got a laminated birth plan that's 3 sheets long. Someone will always say "is she a teacher" (usually yes) and someone else will always comment that these are the people who seem to end up having an emergency section.

bibbitybobbityhat · 13/02/2010 21:25

OMFG that is so horrible about the c-sections! Please don't be amused by it .

sanfairyann · 13/02/2010 21:27

to teacher comment

either that or lawyer!

Loopymumsy · 13/02/2010 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

carmenelectra · 13/02/2010 21:30

LOL ar hester. I Wouldnt laugh in a mean way, perhaps just a bit of a groan. You really cannot predict how a birth will go and how you will react(me included and i know the score). Things like cutting the cord and baby straight onto mother etc or cleaned up need discussng and i try and do that when the first arrive although of course its not always possible.

tummytickler · 13/02/2010 21:34

My personal favourite birth plan for a section had no mention of getting baby out safely, but seemed to revolve around her desire for nobody to speak as the baby is delivered and to have the lights in theatre dimmed. I mean, come on - I am on the theatre team - how the hell are we supposed to safely accomodate that kind of birth plan! We did have a little chuckle at that!

However, bullet points are good (no father to come in, yes to Vit K etc).

arolf · 13/02/2010 21:34

we were advised in nct classes to have 2 plans - 1 normal, 1 c-section (then you can whip the right one out when needed), and they were really after-birth plans - breastfeeding yay or nay, skin to skin, vitamin k, how you want 3rd stage managed, what you want if baby needs to be taken elsewhere (i.e. does dad stay with you or baby)

written in short, bullet pointed sentences, no more than 1 side of a4 (mine were much less).

my community midwife mocked mine, said it was unrealistic to breastfeed shortly after giving birth. hospital mw was great, read it, said 'shall i just strike these things out?' about irrelevant stuff (I had wanted a water birth, but bleeding prevented it, then needed induction after 2 days labour=2cm dilated )

I ended up saying to her my new plan was 'get baby out, keep carnage to a minimum, don't tell me if i poo' which i'd read on here somewhere they managed the 1st and 3rd of those aims anyway...

BertieBotts · 13/02/2010 21:37

Actually that is a good idea sanfairy, have requests for X and Y outcomes as well. At least it shows then that you realise it might not go "to plan"

Silly idea to call them plans I suppose. They are more preference sheets!

carmenelectra · 13/02/2010 21:37

at 'don't tell me if i poo'. I wanted to know!

heQet · 13/02/2010 21:38

I blame the baby books. You read everything you can get your hands on when you are pregnant for the first time! I wrote a very detailed birth plan with ds1. A bloody essay. What music I wanted, that it must be a 'natural' birth, no drugs, my husband by my side...

Ds2 I didn't bother. I made sure they knew I wanted DRUGS!!!!

I think the biggest laugh the midwives had during my first, was the fact that I went into the delivery suite with a couple of big books!!

Oh, and a box of chocolates. I couldn't have cared less about chocolates that day! But I did have a hell of a lot of midwives popping into the room

Georgimama · 13/02/2010 21:40

I got told off by 3 separate MWs for my birth plan. It was not detailed or precious, quite the contrary.

It was basically "I don't care what you have to do to me, although I would really rather not have a section or epidural but I will if I must, and it would be nice if we both survived but if it comes down to a choice, choose the baby".

Heated · 13/02/2010 21:41

Think my mw saw my birth plan as a personal challenge - not to meet any of it!! ( now])

Didn't bother with one subsequently.

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