Midwives: amused by people's birth plans?

[upduffed]

Just wondering if any midwives out there would confess to secretly finding what some people write in their birth plans funny?

Am thinking perhaps I should just write "Go home with a baby" on mine...

Bloody hell

I don't think it's horrible at all to speculate that people with long plans for 'natural' birth will end up with a c section. The midwives aren't wishing bad things on that person - just recognising that sods law operates very effectively in hospitals.

True NL. And pessimists like me get an unintentional hippy birth with minimal intervention (albeit with some tearing, but that was my fault for getting lazy and pushing between contractions because I was so damned tired).

Well I had a very brief and to the point birth plan (having been advised by the hospital to do one) and ended up with a crash c/section. Where does that put me?

No, no-one can really imagine birth and quite a lot of us adjust our view after the first time. I don't think that really makes optimistic first time birthers a group to laugh at.

Anyway, I am pouring cold water over everyone elses amusement so am going to click hide right now.

I felt a bit sorry for my lovely midwife when we were talking about birthplan for dc3. I didn't do one, though we discussed the homebirth and so on.

She said that she'd recently had an A4 list of instructions for a future birth that included a request that she be silent and that only candlelight would be tolerated.

She felt that it might be necessary to speak to assist in delivery. Also that it was going to be rather tricky to make notes by pen-torch light.

Mine was followed - and covered what I would want in different outcomes including c-section.

I think I put something like "I am hoping not to have an epidural but if I change my mind and decide I need one I expect to be taken seriously"

I also put "check for tongue-tie". It was nice (and reassuring) post-birth to have the midwife say - "and I've just checked for tongue-tie for you, she's definitely not got it"

AAAAARGH!

Birth plans are not meant to be a sort of Fantasy Football Excercise, explaining that you would like an ideal birth, please.

They are supposed to set out things you would like tobe asked about or to discuss IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES. So: "If 2nd stage labour is not progressing I would like to try xxx before trying jjj, if possible".

About approaches, alternatives, whther you are the sort of person who would like everything explained in detail or 'just get on with it'.

I tried for a home waterbirth, DS stuck, we went to gospital fo ventouse - oh, ha ha ha bloody ha, what a lagh the birth plan was? Well, actually, the mw's were really attentive to the general philosophy, and even after hours and hours in hospital, becase I had said I'd like to see the placenta, they remembered that and showed me. because I was consulted and given options and knew the reasons for everything, I was very happy about the whole of my labour, even though it wasn't the way I would have liked it had I really been able to play fantasy foorball. My mws really encouraged me to write a plan - and they read it and did their very best to support me in the ways i knew I could best be supported.

Bibbitty - I think you are definately over-thinking this. None of the midwives on this thread have laughed at mums. Laughed about them - yes. You will find pretty much everybody who works in hospitals has laughed about some aspect of the humanity we come in to contact with. Life is funny - and painful and bizarre and tragic and wonderful. Midwives laugh - and they cry too. So do all health workers and that is a good thing - you don't want a baby delivered by a robot!

LOL at Hester.

Mine was verbal and very brief. When my LOVELY midwives (fab fab fab) asked if I had a birth plan I just said "Show DH out when I start to push & fetch him back when I am united with baby,...other than that shall we just see how it goes?"

MV's said they could work with that!

And they did exactly that.

My birth plans were followed to the letter by our fab MWs - but they were pretty pragmatic, bullet-pointed and just one-side of A4.

They included edited highlights of my medical history and medication, vitamin K instrutions, management of third stage, desire for skin-to-skin contact and BFing asap if possible (and for DH to do skin-to-skin if I was out of it). That I was scared of epidurals, but would take advice on pain relief. That I hoped to stay mobile, but appreciated that my personal circumstances may make it impossible. Oh, and a cheeky request for a private room after birth (which they managed to make happen both times - not sure if that was luck or if I met some medical criteria).

yes, to reiterate: did not start this thread as "lets laugh at people whose preferences are not met and have horrible traumatic births".

Just wanted to hear some stories such as the woman who wanted to deliver by candlelight and in silence...agree with northernlurker, midwives are humans too and people are a bit amusing at times.

Of course people should write birth plans and have their feelings taken seriously. Now lets all just have a nice cup of tea and a Penguin.

Also, my curiosity stemmed slightly from the fact that I personally think birth is an animal-instinct scenario and that probably repeated internal exams would slow down the whole process...but as this is something that midwives have to do to make sure you are progressing, I am afraid I will come across like unrealistic yoghurt-weaver having first baby.

Think will just write sensible things, one side of A4...and it seems that no-one likes a laminator, no matter how practical that might seem given the potential for splatterage.

I fly for a living, and we have a laminated booklet for how to handle different kinds of non-normal situation. Then, right at the end, it says something along the lines of; 'These checklists may not cover all eventualities, and in certain extreme situations you may have to use multiple checklists, often at the same time. Sometimes the checklists will not cover the recovery of the situation you are in. At such times you will have to use your judgement, expertise and airmanship.'

I think I am going to have a birth plan based on this philosophy. Ie make it up as we go along, but with the end result being healthy baby and me in as good a condition as can be acheived.

I wrote a very basic birth plan last time, and every midwife I tried to interest in it told me they don't read birth plans because they do what needs to be done at the time. The only person who read my birth plan was the head of the SCBU (fabulous lady!) who set in motion actions that resulted in me being able to successfully breastfeed my baby, even though we were kept at opposite ends of the hospital for 3 days.

lol pandora that is a laminated philosophy for life!

lovely MW recently who went through lady's birth plan, and got to the end and said, now the most important thing, you have forgotten.... tell me, how do you all like your tea and would you like some toast now to keep you going ? i liked her !

I laugh at mine all the time. It was huge and it mentioned things like a natural 3rd stage, dim lighting, no pain relief etc. It wasn't overly odd, but dh loves to joke about it. According to him I mentioned that I would like dolphins singing and a harpist in the corner throughout.

Midwives have an amazing ablity not to laugh. Just think of all the stupid things women say during labour/ transition.

I found that birth plans were useful both times I gave birth and my plans were followed both times. I think there is a difference between expressing preferences ie. no petidinne and telling a midwife who has trained for four years how to do her job.

No woman has control during childbirth and there is no real choice but to see how things go.

I am finding this thread interesting because I am pregnant with my first and considering my birth plan.

Though I have not made my mind up about it I just wanted to comment on the issue about MWs 'laughing' at birth plans. I work in the public sector, in a very stressful and emotional job with high risks (similar situation I would imagine to MW). I have the up-most respect for all the people I work with (even when they hurl verbal abuse and threaten me physically). BUT like Northerlurker points out sometimes human behaviour and experience is so baffling AND scary that laughter (I admit inappropriate) is the response you give (not to people's face!). MWs are human, and they have to deal with a huge amount of different scenarios in their day so I personally would not be too offended if they giggled at my plan as long as they do their job: my baby and me healthy at the end

Apologies for personal rant but I suspect that most MWs work their little buts of like lots of people do in the public sector without much recognition (but unfortunately like all professionals I am also sure there are some rotten apples ).

With my second baby, I just had a cursory look at my birth plan from the first birth and printed it out. When i arrived at the delivery suite, the midwife's opening gambit was "I see you want a waterbirth".

I'd forgotten that was on it, but I pretended I hadn't and said yes please. The midwife was young and obviously dying to do a waterbirth. Anyway, I was very glad she did as the baby was born quickly, with very little damage to my pelvic floor. I was also well enough to go home same day.

upduffed: "but as this is something that midwives have to do to make sure you are progressing"

Not necessarily true, they should be able to tell alot from your demeanor, and there's also the red line on your bum thing which is an indicator of dilation. See bellabirthing.com/?page_id=284.

Also have a look at pushing for first time mums. Looks more like your kind of thing .

I wrote a real bloody epic for my first birth.
There were headed sections with bullet-pointed lists. I think lavender oil and nice soft pillow may have been mentioned.

I certainly didn't have the good sense and foresight to put 'GIVE ME MORE MORPHINE NOW, WENCH!' in big red letters. That would have been genuinely useful.

Had lovely antenatal midwife who asked if I'd thought about a birth plan. I asked if there was any point when it came to the crunch.

She said if it's on one page of A4 with bullet points and included the summary of my medical history, vital aspects of care, and mentioned hopes and fears, and recognisded that babies don't always go to plan, they'd do their utmost to go along with the general thrust.

The staff during birth couldn't have been better and all appeared to have read it (most relevant were mentioning SPD and that I was terrified of an epidural but as I'm not allowed morphine I wasn't ruling it out if G&A didn't cut it.) Apparently sounding reasonable and not I WILL HAVE X is the way to ensure staff like you.

I'll re-use it next time, although would be nice if I didn't need the bits about SPD!

birth plans that state "immediate skin to skin contact on the mothers chest" and also "cord is to stop pulsating and to be completely drained before being cut" always get a

one or the other love, unless you want the first skin to skin contact to be with your feet!

mrsgubbins - eh? think i must be missing something here. when DS was born i was helped onto the bed, cord still in tact, & we had skin to skin contact straight away. cord wasn't cut for at least 10 mins, so why the face?

I could have gone for my shower with cord still intact (well nearly ) as DS's cord was twice the average length and over 40 inches long....