I have had 3 sections, thought I was cool with it but why do I feel well, deflated when I hear of another friend having a normal delivery?

[mumofdjandbabies]

I just feel kind of sad that Ill never know the experience of a normal birth tho I sure did try

I know Im silly dont really know why I deemed it necessary to start a thread on this

you are not being silly at all... did you go for a VBAc with your third?

i think that it is normal and natural to feel conflicting and negative feelings about birth if you have not had the kind of birh you aim for

i know i certainly felt very sad and distressed after my c.s and when people shrugged it off and said i should not care it made me feel worse for even caring

if you don;t feel 'cool' with it and there are some feelings of unresolved sadness, it is worth doing something about it.. maybe debriefing all your births or your last one in particular?

don;t feel silly, you clearly have this playing on your mind or you would not be posting

I've decided that really one needs to compare childbirth to dentistry. Was having a chat this morning with a friend about why we as women put os much pressure on ourselves to have a completely natural childbirth, spurn all offers of pain releif etc and "congratulate" those women who manage to do it without. Yes we wouldn't dream of going to the dentist and trying to get through root canal work without any pain releif. It's nuts...

So, back to the dentistry analogy (!), some people have large jaws, small jaws, medium jaws. Some people don't have room in their mouth for all their teeth and need some removed. Some people don't get wisdom teeth. Others do, and they are fine. Others do, and they need to be removed. Still others have impacted wisdom teeth and need to go to hospital to have them removed with a GA.

No one person is better than the other for the teeth/jaw they are born with.

SLightly tenuous analogy, but I've enjoyed typing it out....

(I suspect Lulumama has actually addressed your concerns, wheras I have just been typing out bollocks, sorry!)

Just repeat - 'my bits are intact!'- keeps me going every time I hear of someone elses lovely natural birth

aw thanks guys

you made me smile there!!!

I tried for vbac for dd dc3 and ended up another cs it was faaaaaaaab experience aided by klaw

I wasnt initially bothered wierd as that sounds but I really wanted the experience I guess

really crackfox really? you may be the very woman who can make me feel not havingg had one has mean i have missed out big time!!!!

you know what I mean

I had 2 sections and someone said that DP would respect me more if I had a VB as his ex wife had with their 2 children.

It still upsets me, which I feel a bit silly about

DP asks me to repeat after him 'I am honeymoon fresh' if I feel a bit down about it.

I know that is not exactly 'nice' but it makes me laugh.

Oh, and I receovered far quicker from my C-section than my VBAC.

You get a lovely baby no matter how it came out.

well, it does matter how the baby came out, of course a healthy baby is the priority, but it is important the mother feels good too

so you went for a VBAC and if you had Klaw with you, then I am damn sure you did all you could to get it..

sometimes it is just bloody bad luck and nothing else, and that is frustrating

maybe speak to K about it all.. she will hvae words of wisdom no doubt x

There are so many variations on this. I have never gone into labour naturally, and owing to medical complications probably won't ever even if I have more babies after this one. I sometimes feel sad about that, and about never going to the midwife led unit and having a "proper" delivery in the water or without pain relief.

What pernicious influence it is that makes us doubt ourselves and denigrate our achievements I really don't know, but I think we owe it to ourselves to fight it.

I think in a way we all kind of wish for an experience that we haven't had. So your feelings are totally normal.

I for example haven't had a C-section and feel incredibly left out sometimes because of it.

You don't have to listen to me though. I'm a hormonal pregnant lady probably spouting nonsense.

Riven, sorry to hear that.

I've been told I can't have a vbac and I confess to feeling quite relieved.

The thing with birth is that there are no analogies. It's not like dentistry in that it's a natural process that we are designed to go through. And what an experience it is. It's not like any other occurence and having an em cs is like giving that experience over to somebody else, or accepting help for it when you feel it is something you wanted or planned. My birth story doesn't contain a lot of sentences that start with 'I'. More like 'the obstetrician did x' and the 'anaestehtist did y'. I can accept that the lovely, healthy baby is the best possible outcome, but I struggle daily with knowing that my body didn't do the thing it was designed to do. I don't have that experience that plunged me into motherhood. I had to give that experience away and replace it with another more frightening event over which I felt I had little control.

I feel terrible that I have the same reaction to hearing about natural births. I feel all the right emotions, but with an undercurrent of shame and jealously.

I am sad I had two sections. I cried and cried when I was told a vbac was no go for DC2.

I am at peace with it, BUT, something stuck in my throat when a friend of mine announced birth of her DD (second) which she'd managed as a vbac.

Smile strained slightly round the edges....

No intention having a third....sometimes fantasise about third just so I can vbac...wtf?

I am sorry to those posters who have had negative experiences in their VBACs, particularly if you had damage to the perineum etc

but many women don;t and i think that it is only fair to point out that having a c.s might stop your down below bits tearing, but you will be having cutting across your abdomen and uterus

a vaginal birth does not automatically mean damage to the vagina/perineum

a c.s does not necessarily mean a problem free birth and post natal period

pregnancy and birth are complicated, physically, emotionally, mentally, women should not just be expected to forget about it, get on with it, get over it

you guys def understand...its sooo not just me then, maybe we all have our quirky feelings about birth and babies one way or tother....

To answer thread title:

Because you think there is something special/spiritual about a vaginal birth. There isn't. There is a world of pain and then the healing is not fun, either.

Get over it - the grass is not always greener and all that...

thats a bit harsh mrs boo but I know what you mean

Well said Ruby.

I also hated being pregnant but I just viewed it as a means to an end. I really didn't feel very spiritual or Earth Mothery, just fat and grumpy.