I have had 3 sections, thought I was cool with it but why do I feel well, deflated when I hear of another friend having a normal delivery?

[mumofdjandbabies]

I just feel kind of sad that Ill never know the experience of a normal birth tho I sure did try

Thanks for that MrsBoo. Get over it. That's what we should do. Just like that. Why didn't I think of that? You'd be invaluable on the Mental Health section with pearls of wisdom like that.

nim, i am feeling your pain

MrsBoo. Tres helpful darling. Am sure there are some folks on the bereavement threads could do with this kind of sensitive and insightful posting

i felt a bit like this after my 2nd section,1st was emergancy,2nd failed induction,3rd was allowed to go to 41 weeks but no sign of labour.After they had delivered dc3 they said it was good job i had a section as he was a big baby & his head was totally wedged in,there was no way he would of came out.So now pregnant with dc4 i no longer feel im a failure for not having a normal birth,i look forwad to my section knowing thats the safest way for me & my baby.SAying that i still got upset when my mum said "are you not going to try for a natural birth this time",when i said no she called me a wimp,helpful !

To the OP, I am with you. I too had 3 cs, I tried a VBAC with dc2 and it didn't work out. Every time I hear of a friend having a VB I feel green with envy. I know the grass isn't greener and I know all the arguments for having a healthy baby and mum, but I still feel like I didn't meet my own expectations. And I feel cheated. So I think what you are feeling is quite natural.

My dsis is due with dc2 in May, the first was em cs, I told her what a VBAC was and how she could ask for one, she said she was happy with a cs. I begged, yes begged, her to find out more and possibly try for a VBAC, if not for her then for me How sad is that? To live vicariously through my dsis?

mrsboo what a nasty post

I feel exactly the same when I hear of friends who've had vaginal deliveries - sad and a bit of a failure. Daft, innit?

For me what really helps is realising that I'm allowed to feel sad about not having a vaginal birth - that's ok. I'm not a bad person for feeling it, and I'm not stupid or jealous or mean. I'm just mourning an experience I assumed all my life I would have, and then didn't have.

That's completely allowed.

you know, I can kind of understand your feelings of envy.

I will admit tho that I have never been in your exact position......I have had my five vaginally.

but I have not once had an easy pregnancy, nor the birth I wanted all along.......a water birth......due to the problem pregnancies.

I feel so envious of my friends who have sailed thru their pregnancies, have been able to have the birth they wanted, in fact, recovered and been able to go home as soon as they wanted (I have had to stay minimum 5 days after due to probs, not just thru wants IYGWIM).

but

I could go on forever trying to acheive my dream, and it just not happen......my body is clearly not made that way. so......I have had to work hard at letting it go, and also, to realise that as envious I feel of them, there must be someting about me, that they feel envious of.

helps occasionally

well its all on a continuum, isnt it?
i mean its not a natural or normal and an un natural or abnormal birth...

at one end are those who conceived naturally, had no ante natal care and delivered at home with no one there

at the other end are those who had assisted conception, medical care all the way through, medicalised delivery and baby in special care. lots of post partum medical intervention etc etc

most of us are somewhere in the middle. some medical care, some interventions, some drugs

i have had three types of delivery and agree with those who say that the VD was over rated. woudl not care to do any of them again and agree with the poster who recommeded fedex

oh Ruby, could you get rid of pregnancy related back pain, rubbish job/boss, and lack of cash? I'll buy a drink

poof

Are we allowed to call men poofs anymore?

Lulu, thank you.

I think being allowed to feel the way you feel is a big thing actually. I've had a complete SOH failure over dd's birth and jokes about 'the easy option' and 'too posh to push' have pushed a lot of buttons. I feel like every time anybody learns of or mentions the cs, I have to qualify it with 'but I did labour for 26 hours and push for 6, they couldn't get her out or rotate her, it wasn't my fault'. There it is I suppose, I feel to blame for something that rationally I had no control over.

Ruby, can you vamoosh my housework for me please? It's looking at me expectantly.

Ruby, please release to the universe for me, one bottom resembling a firm blancmange.

i find with a lot of women who have experienced some degree of birth trauma, being given permission to feel however they need to feel about the birth is very healing. you are not 'supposed' to feel anything other than gratitude the baby is ok, so if you have negative feelings about the birth, it can be easier to bury them, especially when people make stupid comments in reponse

Am having my 2nd section on Monday. Was hoping for vbac, had been given the go ahead for vbac at 33 weeks when consultant said that despite abnormal bowel, she thought baby would tolerate labour well.
Got my active birth books out at 37 weeks then discovered 3 days later that baby is breech. Tried ECV this monday and it didn't work. Can feel her head at the top of my uterus pushing on my diaphragm. She was head down and on the brim of my pelvis at 33 weeks...."IT'S NOT FAIR!!" is what i wanted to scream most of this week.
This thread has made me feel a bit better so thanks everyone.

what you are feeling is totally normal, I'm in a similar situation myself.

DD (my first) was an em c/s for distress - waters went, no labour started, high BP so syntocinon to induce contractions = distressed baby. I felt a "failure" after DD's birth for a very long time...

Roll forward 2 years & DS was supposed to be a VBAC, but he had other ideas at 40+8 with my BP rising & DS having moved into an oblique lie & a cervix that was not showing the slightest hint of getting ready for labour I reluctantly agreed to an el c/s at 40+10.

DS is definitely my last, so I felt (and still do) sad that I will never experience a VB, although I feel way better about DS's delivery as I know I tried everything I could for a VBAC & it just wasn't meant to be.

Just a few days before DS's first birthday one of my oldest friends had her first baby, 8hr labour, totally natural delivery, no stitches, just the sort of delivery I was supposed to have! And do you know what I was totally jealous when I heard about it! and a little bit sad too....

But what is good is that I'm okay with feeling like that, it's not taking over my life, those feelings last but a few minutes & then life with my gorgeous children carries on.

As Lulu wisely said give yourself permission to feel how you feel, it's okay.

And as for the "friend" who said to me after DS's birth "well I see you took the easy option again, still too posh to push?", well lets say that I don't think he will EVER make another thoughtless comment like that to a woman again!

yes thanks guys, you made me smile well nearly all of you

Can I say say something deeply superficial here? One of my friends has had three sections and I envy her 'honeymoon fresh' vagina. Well, I imagine it is still honeymoon fresh, I have neither asked her about it not studied it. But I imagine it is still as it was when she was a sprightly eighteen year old.

No wetting herself upon coughing, sneezing or bouncing on the trampoline.

No torrent of water pouring out of her upon leaving the bath.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lifetime of pelvic floor exercises to get on with...

PS I heart RubyRioja. She, along with most others on this thread is talking perfect sense.

teee hee that made me giggle moose