I actually dont think I can do it.

[girlylala0807]

I am having serious doubts about being able to give birth

I am actually terrfied

And its bloody months away yet.

To late now I know....since I want the baby and all.. but

OMG!!

sniff sniff as I sit feeling very sorry for myself

xx

No, I'm not having a homebirth, dinny.

It's really not for me.

I think it's really important when someone expresses fear to let them know there is help out there and techniques she can learn and have to fall back on in case the body doesn't just 'take over'.

Of course, mostly everyone will be 'fine' in the end, but it can deeply lessen anxiety when you face teh fear, talk about it, get support (here, for example) and learn a few easy techniques that can really help your and your body.

The hypnobirthing CD, for example, helps you visualise the time of labour, and pushing out using your breath and diaphragm and letting the uterus do the work.

I found that a HUGE help after accidentally giving birth to DD2 with no pain relief and being utterly beyond panic with the pain.

I know I'm not alone in this, as many other MNer have shared similar experiences.

Just wish I'd have known that a £15 CD could make such a difference!

Agree with Expat.
I gave birt last week. was booked for cs. calmly, in little pain, got to got to 9cm, in one hour. was a bit frightened. but it was all very calm. when they lost trace and said i had to havg general anathetic, music to my ears. wanted someone to turn off lights and then wake up with baby. thats what i got. best birth experience ever.
we all feel differently. but if fear examined, supported, educated, that can only ever be a good thing.

Everyone copes differently I guess. I had my second baby last week so still reeling. What worked for me was actually not thinking about it too much. Imo in our culture we think too much and analyse things (and I am definitely guilty of this generally).

It will happen, either your body will take over as happened to me at this birth which was incredible or if it doesnt the doctors will, as happened to me for the first one. Sorry abit incoherent as getting no sleep constantly feeding a slightly prem baby.

respect kerala.
i am off for a lie down. tired. was up most of last night, with my 36+2 ds2.
how are you getting on ?

Feeling much more positive today she has had 3 feeds that have satisfied her so not needed to express! Trying not to use phrases like "turned the corner" in case am getting my hopes up but its getting better.

SHe was not too prem compared to some she got to 35 weeks. So is your ds feeding ok?

I'm not scared of the pain - I've had both mine with no pain relief (even gas - tried it with dd and it made me SO sick) - but I have an overwhelming fear of something going wrong

oh, and congrats to Oblomov and Kerala!

Expat - I wanted hb both times before but various reasons (dd was pre-term and had step B with ds) meant I couldn't

think I'd be too scared to have a hb now

I don't really feel comfortable planning to give birth at home, especially with DD1 around. She's 5 and gets pretty frightened if she sees one of us in pain.

In hospital, hopefully the MLU, I feel like I can focus solely on the birth and not have to worry about my other two children whilst I have this one.

I'm not the type to lay around leaving stuff undone, so I'm better off in hospital for at least a day afterwards otherwise I would literally be up on my feet immediately afterwards tidying up, washing up, looking after the laundry, etc.

This is going to sound flippant and it isn't meant to, but I felt like that at the beginning of my last pg, and I'm sure the reason the last month is so uncomfortable is that you stop thinking "agh I have to give birth" and start thinking "just get this baby out"

Hi everyone,

Thank you all very much for the support. Its helping a great deal.

There is lots of talk of hypno-birthing cds and some people suggested maybe getting some books. Are there any particular recommendations from you guys as to which ones you felt were the best?

xx

Total understand dinny. I have an irrational fear of tearing. my mum, my sil. evryone I have ever known all have third degree tears. I even lay in theatre last week, adn my only comment, was "don't let me tear".

I am not going to lie to you, it hurts. I wasn't that scared about the labour before I gave birth. I was in labour for 30 hours at the end of July, the hottest day of the year (32 degrees!). I was cut and had ventouse and forceps. I opted for an epidural after 22 hours as I was knackered and couldn't take it anymore. I under estimated how bad it would be. The epidural was a big relief, it took away most of the pain, could still feel some tightening, and it allowed me get some sleep to get ready for the pushing bit. My labour was prob a lot longer for it but I would do the same again.
Don't get hung up on it too much cos the more stressed you are the less likely you are to cope well with it. Just remember there is pain relief there if you want it, there are not medals for worlds bravest mum giving birth, Take it in your stride and do what you need to do to get through it and for you and bub to be ok.
Besides you forget about straight after cos you have a whole set of different shit to worry about when bub arrives. Colic, wind, crying, sore tits, no sleep- its all worth it though when little one gives you their first smile it melts your heart.

I have the worst pain threshold ever. I tried having an epidural and it didn't work for some reason (scar tissue in back). I was surprised on how much I could take.I did scream a lot, but I look back now and I am thinking of another already (baby 5 weeks old)! Obviously it hurts, but you will be able to manage it. I always thought people who told me that were speaking out their arse, but it was fine, honestly. It's hard to explain, but for me it was very painful, but not the same as the usual pain that you are thinking of. Once you get that babe in arms, nothing else matters (even the huge poo that I did in front of everyone), and it is pure ecstasy once the baby comes out as suddenly it just stops. The last bit wasn't painful for me at all (the pushing stage), it was just like the most uncomfortable poo you have ever taken - especially as the midwives keep on telling you to stop now and again so you don't tear - very good advice by the way. You must tell us your birth story once you get your little one as I would be interested to hear your take on it considering you were so scared. I was terrified and was hoping for some emergency so that I could have another c-section (my forst was by c-section) - how stupid/desperate is that ?!

First of all - if you are scared then I reckon that's a good sign!
Tis my belief that the mums-to-be who seem so sorted and together - the ones who tell you they're going to have a home water birth, listen to whale music etc are the ones who end up with every intervention from A to Z! Whereas the ones like you (and me!) who just think 'Oh bugger, it's going to hurt!' often end up amazing ourselves with how well we manage it! Obviously that's a generalisation, but I do think there's some truth that if you feel totally in control about it, then you're probably underestimating it.

Yes, giving birth hurts - a lot. But you will get through it. That baby will come out! I wouldnt say I have a particularly high pain threshold - but I gave birth to a big baby naturally.

Also - all the things you think you'll get anxious about - ie having no knickers on, possibly pooing etc will honestly be the least of your worries on the day.

i have the Natal Hypnotherapy one.

here

you can get ones for relaxation and postnatal, too.

thanks for the link, Expat, I have just ordered the CD

I was thinking of going to a hypnotherapist but decided not to as pretty expensive and it certainly didn't cure my fear of flying!

My pain threshold is also really low, yet I got to 10cms dilated with my midwife realising as I remained polite throughout - no shouting or shrieking or swearing...

Don't let TV labours put you off, you'll know what to do, and if you don't/can't cope, there's pain relief.

Am now on PG 2 and I would honestly I'd rather have two labours that the 9 months of pregnancy! In hindsight, they're like the flashbacks of a drunken night out, whereas the pains and indignities of pregnancy stay very much in my mind!!

Good luck hon x

You WILL be fine!!! Completely understand your fear, i felt exactly the same. But in the end, even tho i took loads of big tshirts and things in my labour bag, by the end of my labour i was totally starkers!!! Noone cares, they just want to get the baby out safely and keep you safe. I was so worried that i would go overdue and need to be induced, and i did!! However, even tho i'd heard horror stories about this, it wasn't nearly as bad as i expected. The gas and air worked a treat, i used it in conjuction with a tens machine (highly recommend them) and halfway thru it all opted for some morphine to help me regain control. The MW will be there to help you thru it and you'll be so chuffed afterwards. Good luck!!xx

Hi there girlylala0807,

Be reassured - it is absolutely normal to feel scared even terrified about the whole journey of birthing your baby. Yes - it is a normal part of life but it's also something that is completely new to you.

Completely agree with Humphrey Cushion 'research all the things that are making you scared'. Whether those 'things' are real or imagined, you still need to flush them out otherwise they could well creep up on you in labour, even if you manage to push them to oneside during your pregnancy.

I would add that after brainstorming all the things that you need to know and finding out the answers (whether from books, other people, internet...), it may be useful for you to ask yourself this one question - your deepest question...

'What do I need to know to give birth?'

So, for example, your deepest question may be 'How am I trusting my body now?' (as compared with 'How can I trust my body in labour? - why wait til labour to find out how you trust your body??!))

You might have lots of questions, but there is one deep, heartfelt question that only you can answer. Knowing what your personal question is is central to conscious birth preparation.

It needs to be a question that cannot be answered with a 'yes', 'no' or 'maybe not'; it needs to be a question which cannot be answered by looking in a book. The answer will come from inside you - after all this is where you will draw your resources from when you are in labour. Make the question in the present tense.

Once you have your question, ask it frequently and look at it from every angle and the answers will come from within you over time...

Sorry if that sounded a little waffly - let me know if you need more explanation.

This is actually part of the 'Birthing From Within' approach to Chiildbirth Preparation. I highly recommend it - I used BFW (as well as other tools) to prepare for my two births at home and I found the whole birth experience amazing (despite having to go into hospital with a retained placenta!)

I'm not sure if you're local to me but I'm running a Pain Coping Practices Workshop in Blackheath, London on Sat Nov 15 and 22 where we'll be exploring lots of pain coping practices.

For more info, you can go to my website www.birth-illuminessence.com or www.birthingfromwithin.com

Hang on in there!

Love n laughter
ChilledOutChic

HI ChilledOutChick,

Im north of the boarder im afraid but I will take a good look at your website.

I think I understand what you mean, I will make a list of things bothering me and kinda go from there I guess.

Thanks for the advice and I will let you know how it goes.

xx

Thanks for starting this thread girlylala0807. This is exactly how I feel but was too scared to say for fear of being scoffed at.
I am terrified at the thought of giving birth. I've been really lucky and have never had any medical interventions - so can't compare it to previous operations/broken leg etc.
I hate having blood taken so how on earth will I cope with labour?
I have read lots of stuff on MN about unsympathetic midwives and am terrified of being left on my own or with someone who is stressed and not bothered - I am due to give birth in a London hospital where my GP says they are short staffed (I guess that might change by the time I'm due to give birth in Feb). Yet given my low pain threshold don't think I could go for a home birth.
Most of all I am worried that I could damage my baby by being stressed and anxious and thus prolonging the birth; I can't bear the thought of that (sorry coming over all hormonal)
Please don't all condemn me as a wimp! I know it sounds pathetic but I am genuinely frightened.

To Girlylala,

If it was so terrible then we all would just have the one kid. Dont think about it mate and remember it will just be one day anyway, you cant stop it but you can get pain relief if you need it.
I have 3 kids and honestly the second one, well have had worse period pains. relax, you will be fine and about showing your bits to strangers, you really wont care. trust me ..
NEVER listen to anyones birth horror stories either, yours will be unique to you and some women just like to wind you up.
good luck....

I had my first baby in August this year. I was REALLY scared about giving birth. I found reading Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth (think that's what it's called) incredibly helpful. Actually, I was given it free by another MNer, and feel rather guilty as I never thanked her when I received it. If you'd like me to send it on to you, I'd be happy to! Sharing the love and all that ;) My email is vickykc AT gmail.com

Seriously, I found that book really calmed and reassured me in the weeks leading up to my sons birth. I think when you are expecting your first baby what is so frightening is the unknown. You are told it will hurt, but you don't know how it will feel, what its actually like. I was so curious (and fat and tired and bored of being pregnant) by the end that half of me was really impatient and excited, and wanted to get on with it. The other half was still scared.

If I could go back in time and speak to my pre-birth self, I would emphasize the following: it really is just a few days out of your life at most, and for some woman its just a few hours. Then its over, and the fun really begins. In the larger scale of things - raising a child and all the wonderful things they do, and the way they change all the time... well, a day or so is nothing. Yes it hurts, but each birth is different, so one persons description may not help you. But the hard work is worth it, trust me

Hi cheerfulvicky,

I would love it if you could send me the book.

I have taken down your email address and will send you my details soon.

And thanks to everyone for the messages, they are all really helpful and supportive!!!

xxxs