I actually dont think I can do it.

[girlylala0807]

I am having serious doubts about being able to give birth

I am actually terrfied

And its bloody months away yet.

To late now I know....since I want the baby and all.. but

OMG!!

sniff sniff as I sit feeling very sorry for myself

xx

have we helped girly?

girly - I was truly terrifed first time round, I am a real wuss. I went to parenting classes found out loads from books and felt really prepared by the time it happened.

And when it happened it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, Okay it hurt, but bearably so, and you know that one or another it will be over.

By my second pregnancyI actually looked forward to the labour!

I would find a parenting class (NCT /hospital) and ask on here for some good pregnancy books.

Oh and learn breathing techniques - the thing that got me through both labours in control(ish)

plus at the end you have a lovely sprogg so it's not pointless pain! - The pain encourages your cervix to dilate (or something) so pain is good!

Hi Neeerly3,

Yes. You have helped a bit.

I will look into this hypnobirthing cd and a couple of books, but try not to overload myself with information I think.

I know it has to happen. At least I know what I get at the end of it will be worth it. Thats the moment I need to focus on.

xx

This is what helped me:

1. Curiosity to find out whether it was as bad as some people made out (in my opinion it wasn't at all).
2. Wanting my baby to have a serene as possible entrance into the world - I didn't want to be screaming like a banshee on his way out.
3. Knowing that the pain is shortlived (generally) and is your body doing what it is supposed to be doing (it is not an injury).
4. The stronger the contractions (and probably the more painful), the quicker your birth is likely to be because your body is pushing the baby out well.

To be honest, the days I gave birth to my babies were the best days of my life - I felt very proud of myself and so amazed that I had produced these beautiful, beautiful angels. I actually did look forward to giving birth the second time around because I knew how fantastic I felt after my first. Yes it does smart a bit, and it is a bit knackering, but so what. You'll be fine. You've probably done harder things (and far more painful).

Well I have had kindney stones lol.

I survived..just!!

xx

Well, there you go then. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I think the important thing to remember is that the pain comes and goes. It's not constant. You get breaks to recover yourself inbetween.

I found it hard to believe beforehand, but the images you have in your mind and the way you think about the pain really make a huge difference. I imagined I was on a train and every contraction was a tunnel I was speeding through on the way to my final destination. It really truly makes a difference to have some sort of image like that in your mind.

I was really terrified too - I think everyone is, especially with their first baby.

Just make sure you can speak up for yourself, or your OH can - there's no need to really suffer as pain relief is available.

I ended up having a section after being in labour for 3 days - had a wonderful birth experience and was truly best day of my life.

Just take it step at a time.....

Good luck!

I am really, really a coward. It would be hard to be as worried as I was with DS or to have looked up as much info on what could go wrong.

In the event the birth was long and undignified but fine, and I'm now preg with DC 2.

BIG helps were:

• knowing a lot about what would happen in labour
• TENS machine, really worked though I didn't want to try it at first
• breathing with DH and the midwife
• having iPod with songs and turning it up loud on headphones to get through contractions
• having a mobile epi when it got too much

Also, although it was really painful, I honestly can't quite remember it, it fades completely given the joy of having the baby. So please don't worry!

I think the best thing you can do is find a good ante natal class. Knowledge is power and the more you know the easier it is to make decisions.

Its also important to remember its just one day of your life. The real challenge is dealing with a child for the next 18 years.

If you plan to breastfeed then I suggest you find out as much as possible about breastfeeding.

Firstly, I think it's normal to have a degree of apprehension about birth but if it's getting out of control, you need to deal with it.

By all means use hypnotherapy. I used a £15 cd from the NCT and feel that it really helped me.

Think about how you handle information before reading up on aspects of childbirth - some people might panic even more trying to take on board rafts of information - and choose your sources wisely. And not wanting to be too contentious, of course a healthy baby and healthy mother equals a good result but for many people decisions they make regarding birth maximise their chances of having a good experience too. Use your research to make choices that are right for you and give you that chance.

As a last point, I have never ever seen or heard any depiction of birth that remotely resembled my two experiences (which were great btw and I'm actually looking forward to doing it again - it is possible!). Most are all screaming, drama and 'push!'. It might be like that for some but it might start to freak you out. All I heard from friends and family were horror stories and I formed an unhealthy relationship with birth programmes on tv. If that's the case - stop watching and politely decline the gruesome anecdotes. Hearing someone else scream is a lot worse than screaming yourself, I think.

Firstly, I think it's normal to have a degree of apprehension about birth but if it's getting out of control, you need to deal with it.

By all means use hypnotherapy. I used a £15 cd from the NCT and feel that it really helped me.

Think about how you handle information before reading up on aspects of childbirth - some people might panic even more trying to take on board rafts of information - and choose your sources wisely. And not wanting to be too contentious, of course a healthy baby and healthy mother equals a good result but for many people decisions they make regarding birth maximise their chances of having a good experience too. Use your research to make choices that are right for you and give you that chance.

As a last point, I have never ever seen or heard any depiction of birth that remotely resembled my two experiences (which were great btw and I'm actually looking forward to doing it again - it is possible!). Most are all screaming, drama and 'push!'. It might be like that for some but it might start to freak you out. All I heard from friends and family were horror stories and I formed an unhealthy relationship with birth programmes on tv. If that's the case - stop watching and politely decline the gruesome anecdotes. Hearing someone else scream is a lot worse than screaming yourself, I think.

I am told kidney stones are much much much worse than labour.

You will be fine.

'I found it hard to believe beforehand, but the images you have in your mind and the way you think about the pain really make a huge difference. I imagined I was on a train and every contraction was a tunnel I was speeding through on the way to my final destination. It really truly makes a difference to have some sort of image like that in your mind.'

and that natal hypnotherapy CD helps so much with that.

it helps you imagine the birth and find a place where you can go in your mind during the birth.

for me, i loved doing Bikram yoga. i'm getting random contractions, and during them i pitcure myself doing certain powerful poses.

i rememember in my mind how it feels to assume these poses and how powerful they feel at the same time and how you hold hte pose, then stop.

i'm about to go do it in the bath after this show, i recommend it!

You will be fine, I was nervous, but when the contractions came adrenaline took over, too much to think about, getting ready, going to hospital or whatever. You will probably be the same. Have you considered a pool, although you're naked (don't know if you HAVE to be though), you're in your own space and it feels more private, although I don't think in the end you will care too much about that part of it. I didn't have loads of people around, just midwife.

I remember thinking and feeling the same way...honestly once the start of labour kicks in you'll be a womqn on a mission and it'll be fine
x
or you could try crossing your legs and hoping

Am due sunday and quite scared too, but did manage last time..

i don't buy the 'you'll be fine' line.

that's why i think, girly, IMO, you should find a good antenatal class and look into some techniques that can help you with your anxiety.

sorry, but i have problems with anxiety surrounding childbirth.

i didn't feel like a woman on a mission or 'fine' until i started taking steps to deal with my fears, not just bury my head in the sand and hope the primal instinct would take over when the time came.

for some of us, it isn't so natural, but there's help out there for those of us for whom it isn't.

EXPAT, had totally forgotten you were preggers!!! ooh, not long for you!!

OP - I'm scared too and this is my third. it's not the pain. it's the fear for me (in 2nd stage)

seing consultant in Jan, may see if I can have section

due on friday.

are you having hb?

I felt like that when it came to pushing my dd out, the pain! I was shocked and just decided I couldn't do it any more and started ignoring the midwife and tried to go to sleep lol! I can laugh about it now...

I think it is better to be prepared for the pain, but to have faith in your body's ability to get through it. I had a wee bit of g&a whilst I was in labour, but I didn't like it, so when it came to pushing it was bloody sore... but the real pain of dd coming out was relatively brief..

I went on to have a ds at home and it was lovely, I loved my 2nd labour so much I want to do it again, one day, and I much prefer labour to actually being pg.

i think that your experience is valid expat but i was genuinely worried before childbirth and armed with a decent amount of information I was very/totally surpised at how much my body took over.
I didn't do yoga or hypnosis or anything properly proactive like that but I did make sure that I had read as much as I could around the subject and tried to be as relaxed and non controlling as I could (I'm very used to bossily getting my own way in RL)
I was surprised by the amount of strength that I had that I didn't think I would and by how much I could be swayed by nature and a massive physical act the I wasn't in control off.

Therefore I think that it is valid to say you'll be fine becasue the majority of people are and it's also fair to say that your body will take over and you will be on a mission to deliver the baby

I'm sorry if it came across as flippant it wasn't intended to but it was meant to reassure the op

tell you what you could do - scroll down and read the whole funniest bit of childbirth thread (long) because that really will cheer you up about it