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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

The thread for first time home birthers (or thinking about it) - over here!

993 replies

Boobz · 23/07/2008 11:53

I only just found out I was pregnant 10 days ago, and it is of course early days, but I have been doing a lot of research and am seriously thinking of having a home birth.

I'm a member of my Due March '09 ante natal club thread, but I don't want to go on about home birthing there where the majority will be planning a hospital birth (don't want to bore them!) I'd like to start this thread for all those people who'd like to talk about the pros and cons, planning, expectations and realities of home births, especially if it is your first baby, or first home birth.

Has everyone else's other halves been fine at the thought of a first baby HB? Or did you have to do some convincing?

A

OP posts:
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Overtiredmum · 06/03/2009 20:08

Hi all, can I join you pleaseeeeeeeee??

Am 31+3 and hoping for a home water birth. All indications seem good at the moment. Already have a DS (who is 4 in June) and am expecting (or have been told I am expecting) a wee girl, which will be lovely so I'll have one of each and can then set about DH with two housebricks !! My first labour was pretty uneventful, hospital with epidural (which I didn't particularly want), 12 hour established labour including 1 hour second stage, then stitches and home within 6 hours. My Our decision to have a home water birth was because I want to be more in control this time, as I had to be told when to push etc with DS and just generally didn't feel particularly maternal towards DS when he was first born since the labour was not what I had expected. I wasn't expecting DH to be very impressed with the idea of home birth so did some research but when I actually broached the subject he was actually all for it and has been very supportive of it since then.

Anyway, have had enough now and am soooooo uncomfortable and have promised to take a vow of celebacy after having this baby ......

Gemzooks · 06/03/2009 21:40

welcome overtired mum, glad you've joined our thread!

Overtiredmum · 06/03/2009 22:24

Thanks!! Have been watching from a distance for a while so feel like I know you all really well already!

CaptainKarvol · 07/03/2009 03:22

things shifting here - waters went this pm, ctx now started. Maybe should fill birth pool?

chefswife · 07/03/2009 03:30

ooohhh. first time coming across this thread. i just had first DD last december on my bedroom floor. my labour went quick and DD was teeny, 6lbs, 7oz, so was very easy to birth her. i would definitely do it again. being at home was so relaxing, with just me, DH, the midwife and soon babe. then i was right into my shower then my bed. it was perfect. highly recommend it.

ceb80 · 07/03/2009 13:35

oooh any more news CaptainKarvol, hope you got your pool filled in time!

Welcome Overtiredmum and chefswife, OTM don't forget to add yourself to the due date list.

Boobz · 07/03/2009 17:22

Captain has sprogged, at home! Announcement on the Due March ante natal thread, along with 2cute's home birth story.

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leakyR · 07/03/2009 22:30

Popping on to say congratulations to CaptainK and 2Cute.

2cute's birth story was lovely. Glad they both got the hb they wanted.

Welcome OTM! You'll be due around the same time as me.

Have MW appointment Monday morning, when I confirm that I definitely want a home water birth (it's never been in doubt for me - dh had a bit of a wobble) and organise home visit from CMW.

CaptainKarvol · 09/03/2009 12:13

Just quick visit while tinygirl sleeps, will update with birthstory soon!

ceb80 · 09/03/2009 18:58

Congratulations CK and 2 Cute, looking forward to hearing your stories.

Boobz · 09/03/2009 19:24

Hey Gem - I used to be in Voorschoten, near Leiden. Spreek en beetje Nederlands! Niet zo goed nu...

Thought I would update the list. You're up next Fearless and then me! Visited the MW today and was told the head had engaged another fifth so baby is no 2/5 palpable (I think that's the right way around). It's also moved from right anterior to left anterior, so in the proper position for birth which is great! Mentally I am all prepared too, so please hurry up baby!

ARRIVED:
Tupperwife 3 FEB, BOY Samuel James. Good hospital delivery as had to transfer due to snow.
Givethedogahomebirth 10 FEB, GIRL Isla Rose.
Helley 12 FEB, GIRL Evelyn Grace.
Laumiere 21 FEB, BOY Gabriel William Thomas Robson. Hospital delivery; had to transfer due to midwives.
Twocutedarlings 28 FEB, BOY Alex.
Captain karvol 7 MARCH, GIRL , 7lb 12oz. Home water birth - drug free with lots of shouting!

DUE:
Thefearlessfreak Due 12 MARCH. 1ds 2.4 yrs & planning for homebirth
Boobz Due 19 MARCH. Planning 1st home water birth. Live Streatham, London.
titmouse Due 26 MARCH. First DC.
Juwesm Due 1st APRIL. Planning 1st home water birth, Kent.
CEB80 Due 23 APRIL. Planning 1st home water birth.
Gemzooks Due 29 MARCH. Planning first home birth with pool. Live in Holland, 1 DS already (2.5).
Gingersarah Due 18 APRIL. Hoping for HB. Live Norbury, London.
Belgianchocolates Due 6 MAY. Planning home water birth. 2DC already.
leakyR Due 7 MAY. Planning home water birth. 1 DS already (Apr 07).
Swottybetty Due 29 MAY. Live in Croydon, Surrey. 1 DD already (March 08).
DetoxDiva. Due 9 SEPT. Live in Bedfordshire. 1 DD already.

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Overtiredmum · 09/03/2009 20:28

Adding myself in.........

ARRIVED:
Tupperwife 3 FEB, BOY Samuel James. Good hospital delivery as had to transfer due to snow.
Givethedogahomebirth 10 FEB, GIRL Isla Rose.
Helley 12 FEB, GIRL Evelyn Grace.
Laumiere 21 FEB, BOY Gabriel William Thomas Robson. Hospital delivery; had to transfer due to midwives.
Twocutedarlings 28 FEB, BOY Alex.
Captain karvol 7 MARCH, GIRL , 7lb 12oz. Home water birth - drug free with lots of shouting!

DUE:
Thefearlessfreak Due 12 MARCH. 1ds 2.4 yrs & planning for homebirth
Boobz Due 19 MARCH. Planning 1st home water birth. Live Streatham, London.
titmouse Due 26 MARCH. First DC.
Juwesm Due 1st APRIL. Planning 1st home water birth, Kent.
CEB80 Due 23 APRIL. Planning 1st home water birth.
Gemzooks Due 29 MARCH. Planning first home birth with pool. Live in Holland, 1 DS already (2.5).
Gingersarah Due 18 APRIL. Hoping for HB. Live Norbury, London.
Overtiredmum Due 5 May. Hoping for HB. 1 DS already (June 05).
Belgianchocolates Due 6 MAY. Planning home water birth. 2DC already.
leakyR Due 7 MAY. Planning home water birth. 1 DS already (Apr 07).
Swottybetty Due 29 MAY. Live in Croydon, Surrey. 1 DD already (March 08).
DetoxDiva. Due 9 SEPT. Live in Bedfordshire. 1 DD already.

CaptainKarvol · 10/03/2009 15:12

Right, here goes for all those interested (warning - LONG!).

Friday I woke up at 6am with really quite uncomfortable but irregular contractions. They hung around until about 10am, but never really got any worse, so I didn't think much of it. I was pottering around, worrying in a vague way about getting stuff ready for DS's 3rd birthday party on Sunday (just family, so not really a big deal...).

I was a bit excessively annoyed with DH for having gone to London for work (over 2 hours away by train), and for not answering his phone, but didn't really think anything was starting.

At 10pm (DH home by 7pm, thank goodness), my waters broke. Just a gentle trickle but definitely waters. I phoned the community midwife on duty (no-one I knew), just to tell her something had started, but that I didn't need anyone yet. She told me to call back whenever I wanted. I soaked through a pad every half hour until midnight when I went to bed again.

At 1.30am I woke up with contraction pains and pottered downstairs. DS was asleep as was DH.

I started to get the birthpool out, figure out the hose and tap connector, wipe everything down with Milton. You know, all the things I should have done weeks ago...

By 3.30am the pains were regular (every 3-5 minutes, lasting for about 1 minute, and my TENS was really helping. The birthpool was slowly filling. I phoned the midwife - her phone was off!!! So I phoned triage at the hospital and they found another midwife for me. Turned out our team had already been at a homebirth, and had (rightly) gone home for a rest!

This was the only time I got a bit worried, as it took Triage about 20 mins to locate a midwife, and when she phoned me back, she said she was the other side of the city, and would take about an hour to reach me. I was looking longingly at the birth pool, but had been told not to get in until I was 5cm. So I needed a midwife to OK me, or risk slowing eveything down.

The midwife got to me just before 6am - DH now awake and downstairs with me, me counting through my contractions, using the contraction-master website, my TENS and a birthball. Examined - an 'easy' 4cm, could I stay out of the pool a bit longer? (sob).

DS got up, and he and DH went out for milk and bread, then to a dad's toddler group, which was ideal - I had such supportive care from my midwife that I felt really safe, and DS was with his dad, which was perfect. DH was happy to support me if I needed, but said he wasn't desperate to be there, so I had complete freedom of choice.

The contractions ramped up a level - counting turned into a coping strategy and the TENS was less and less use. I got in the pool.

The pool - it was lovely, warm and supportive. The level of pain relief was just a bit better than TENS, but I felt more in control and could move around well.

From here on, contractions got steadily stronger. Counting changed from 1 to 30, up to 40, 50, then I figured this was not good psychology and just went 1-20 as often as I needed to

The midwife was lovely, really hands off, just telling me that I was doing great, and that they sounded like useful contractions! Before I knew it, I really wanted to push. The second midwife hadn't arrived - she got to the house just as the 'vertex' was showing. Talk about 11th hour!

I was epidural'd last time, so never felt this. And yes, it was exactly like needing a huge poo! I had no idea it was the head, I was convinced it was a poo!

The second stage was just 11 minutes - about 6 pushes.

DD was born into my arms, the cord was left intact until I was ready to have it cut, and she had her first feed in the pool. At just over a week early she was covered in vernix, and quite sleepy, but APGARs were 9+9, so very healthy.

So 7 hour first stage, 11 minute 2nd stage and a surprisingly long 50 minute 3rd stage to get the placenta out.

No drugs at all, not even G&A, and although it hurt, I felt in control all the time.

I was so, so glad to do it this way - by midday I'd been stitched (2nd degree tear along the old episiotomy scar), bathed, dressed, given my new DD a cuddle, introduced her to her brother, and was comfortable and sending texts / making phone calls to my friends and family!

The community midwives were lovely, and it was such a different experience to DS's 'medical' birth (totally justified, I had PE and was on beta-blockers that time!). DD is gorgeous, and sleeping on my lap as I type.

I think that's it

mootie · 10/03/2009 15:26

What a great story, CaptainK! I'm 31 weeks with DC2, and hoping for a hb this time, and your story is really inspiring.

Boobz · 10/03/2009 15:39

Oh wow Captain! That's an amazing story! I can't wait to get my labour started! I am 39 weeks on Thursday so hopefully my LO will be a week early as well! Well done you for sorting the pool - I'm making DH do all of that stuff. Such a fab story - well done you!

xxx

OP posts:
CaptainKarvol · 10/03/2009 16:39

It's an epic, isn't it?

I love birth stories, it's great to be able to add a positive one.

Very best of luck mootie, Boobz and all those gearing up to the big event.

Boobz, I just wanted to say that I've visited this thread so often in the run up to the birth, it's been a real (virtual) support to me, so thank you for starting it.

Boobz · 10/03/2009 16:54

Aww shucks, don't mention it. It's helped me no end too. God knows whether the thread starter gets to have her homebirth, but fingers crossed!

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titmouse · 10/03/2009 17:43

really lovely story captain thanks for sharing.

ceb80 · 10/03/2009 19:26

Fab story CK, think that's kind of set the bar for the rest of us to follow now! Here's hoping we all get something similar. Just praying mine will turn soon as he's still breech/transverse.

leakyR · 10/03/2009 21:28

Great story CK! Sounds like an ideal hb.
Hope I get mine.

Have to go for GTT on Thursday and won't be seen as favourable for hb if it turns out I've got gestational diabetes. Baby is not measuring big, but both my parents are diabetic and I was 0.1 over the upper limit on my last fasting blood sugar test. I don't think I have it (she says with everything crossed)

Gemzooks · 11/03/2009 08:31

lovely story captain karvol! I'm also impressed with you doing the pool, I can barely walk across the room without breaking something at the moment so leaving all that to DH.

having more MIL angst as, having threatened to come to visit just before the birth (in hopes of being there for it, I know!), she now wants to come 12 days after the due date (we live abroad so it involves her staying). My own mum has said 'just wait till you have it and then let me know when you want me to come over'. which is surely what any normal person would do? I know it's a bit hostile but I just don't want MIL pushing in so soon after the birth, I know it's her grandchild but she can wait, especially as it's a home birth etc, you just don't want to share your loo for a few days after giving birth! I'm sure I'm only stressing about this because pg, but really feel my space is invaded. I've told her she can't come till 18 days after due date, but really!

Boobz · 11/03/2009 09:39

Hey Gem -- I have had exactly the same issue with my PIL. It's all a bit complicated as my mum and dad are separated and my dad lives in the States, so he's waiting at the end of the phone to know when he can book his flights, and my mum has agreed that I'd like her to come after a couple of weeks when DH goes back after paternity leave etc... and yet the PIL INSISTED that they come in the first week after the birth. It's slightly different to you as they would only come for the day but still, I wanted to have my space too, especially as having homebirth and it's my first and I find them a bit uncomfortable to be around (FIL would be embarrassed by breast feeding; MIL had a difficult birth with DH and therefore doesn't like discussing anyone's births at all, meaning mine would be off limits to talk about etc)... and so DH and I had a big row about it, as we had planned to see them the weekend before DH goes back to work (which would be BEFORE seeing my own mum and Dad) and so on... but that wasn't good enough - they had to come in the first week the baby was born! I gave up the argument in the end, as DH started saying things like "why do you hate my parents so much" which really hurt, as I still don't think he sees things from my point of view and I was hormonal enough at 38 weeks pregnant! So they are now going to come whenever they want - it's only for a day so I can cope I have decided! God only knows if we're then expected to go up as planned for the long weekend to see them before DH goes back to work.

Argh. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why can't they just say "we'll leave it up to you - you're the one who's just had the baby and we'll play it by ear" ?!! I was so upset when we argued - it was the biggest argument we'd had for about a year. What does your DH say?

xxx

OP posts:
Gemzooks · 11/03/2009 12:06

well, it helps a bit that my SIL is very direct and tells PIL to keep their distance, so there's 2 of us (she had her second baby last week). My DH is ready to follow what I say, as he is scared of my overly hysterical pregnant reaction if he seriously goes against me over anything at the moment.

To be honest, I strongly feel that the mother's needs and wishes come first. you are the mother, you are queen (Ok I lived in Kazakhstan for 4 years, they see it very differently there). You are the one who just gave birth. Also, the birth might be hard or a caesarian or whatever, and you might need recovery time. I also totally think the mother's parents have priority. that's the price to pay for having a son, is that when his wife has a baby, naturally she wants to see her own mother first. I found it irritating how MIL focussed on the baby only (with my DS and this one), because they see you as the baby making vehicle that delivers them their precious grandchild. I remember how resentful she was of bringing 2 maternity tops out for me, because it was something not for the baby. whereas your own mother is focussed on you as well and your wellbeing. I swear I will not be like this when DS has a baby one day!

We have 1) my mum 2) MIL and 3) FIL and his wife, they live in belgium so much closer. Also they would come for the day so I don't mind them coming, and they always bring a cooked lunch!

It all depends how you might feel, but I would not necessarily back down over this. You could say 'I do not want anyone there in the first week unless I expressly say so AFTER the birth, that is the bottom line' and just ask DH to pass that on to this parents. It is not about not liking them, it is about having special time bonding as a family with you and DH.

ceb80 · 11/03/2009 15:28

Sorry to hear you're both having Outlaw issues Gemzooks and Boobz, an additional stress you don't need.

Just got back from midwife appt and Bean is still transverse, am booked in for scan on monday but can see my homebirth slipping away. I know it's still early days but can't help feeling a bit despondent.

Gemzooks · 11/03/2009 16:08

ceb80, don't give up hope, my DS was transverse till around 37 weeks.. I did a lot of power walking and gentle step ups, and think it helped to turn him in the end. I also got DH to talk to him from the bottom of the bump to ask him to turn , and also shone a lamp at the bottom of the bump to get him to go towards it (because they can see if there is bright light on them). all sounds daft but he did turn. I especially think the walking and step ups did it.. definitely don't worry yet!