Postnatal wards - was yours overrun by other people's older children?

[hunkermunker]

Mine had visiting for mum's own family, including children, for about 12 hours of the day.

Some families see it as a day out, fun for all the family - but sadly not for anyone else on the ward as toddlers duck under curtains for a good long gawp at the new mum struggling to breastfeed, the dad of the tribe falls asleep in the chair, snoring, while the children rampage around the ward, using a new baby's bassinet (not their sibling's) as a scooter, etc.

Should midwives be on crowd control duty and kick them out? Or do new mums have a right to have their family with them, however annoying that family may be to someone else? Should visiting hours be broken up with quiet periods around eg lunch, etc on postnatal wards? Or should there be shorter periods of time available for children to visit their new sibling? I know not everyone has people they can leave their older children with, so that can make it difficult.

ours were quite strict, strictly siblings only and only during visiting hours where possible

Mine had partners only from 10am until 3pm, then general visiting, including siblings, from 3pm until 8pm.

By the time I had ds2 they'd changed it so partners could go from 10am - 8pm but general visitors and siblings were restricted to 2 - 4pm and 6 - 7:30pm.

That seems pretty good to me and the mws were fairly strict about enforcing it.

Made it sound in OP like it was only visiting for mum's own family - meant it was for any adult who fancied coming for a gawp, but only siblings of new baby, not other children.

So it's the midwives who should be doing the "if they can't behave, you'll all have to sod off" then?

Roughly the same as Olihan here, 2 x 1 hour visitors slots and partners 10 til 10 iirc

ours are ONLY partners from whenever till 10pm and shorter than normal hosp visiting hours for any other visitors

3-4 and 7-8pm only which I think is brilliant

only meant to be 4 at the bed at any one time though

I spent 2 weeks on the ante natal ward and mostly it was fine. Right at the end there was a girl came into be induced and therefore there a couple of days. She was quite young so initially I understood that her family wanted to be there for her. But they were there all the time - and loads of them! They pinched "my" visitors chair and mum, dad, partner, grandma, grandad, cousins etc were all still there happily watching the miniscule tv when I was trying to get ready for bed - one night they were all watching Eastenders and I honestly felt it was like I had moved into their house univited.....

My hospital postnatal ward has 3-8 pm for "other visitors" although they were happy to allow both my mum and dp in partner hours and even slightly before, but they weren't there at ridiculous times and there weren't TVs.

I wouldn't bring a child in for ages - when my grandmother was dying we all gathered at the hospital but I took my cousin's 2 year old niece to the cafe and read her stories for a while and I think other family also took turns with her so K could see our grandmother.

I think my hospital also has a rule about just two at the bed at a time which I think is fair enough, if there's more people then they can go for coffees etc.

I remember lots of screaming babies but there weren't the problems hunker describes so I think what they do there probably works a bit better.

At my hospital they had restricted visiting hours but I remember finally getting on to the ward after being awake for 36 hours (ds decided to make his exit just as we were going to bed so no sleep ratherthan long labour) and I desperately wanted to sleep but couldn't due to other peoples children running up and down the wards shouting and screaming. I think people should have been more considerate to the fact that after giving birth most people want a bit of peace and quiet!

Our ward is partner/birth partner from 9am-8pm and other visitors 2pm-3pm and 6pm-7pm with only 2 visitors per bed and no children under 1yr. However, the visitors per bed depends on which sister is in charge, which is ridiculous. Delivery suite is strictly partners only, no more than 2, no interchanging.

However, if I was in charge I would have partners only...FULL STOP. 99% of women are in hospital for a maximum of 3 days with a large majority of those going home after around 12hrs (the 6hr rule rarely works). That time should be spent resting, not entertaining all and sundry. I know its harsh but YOU NEED TO REST!!!!

Middymee I had a section for ds2, was in hosp 5 days. We have no family support and ds1 was only 16m, so what choice did dp have but to bring ds1 with him? Not to mention that I missed my older child terribly and wanted to see him! So I do agree with the mums other children being able to visit - they are coming to see the new addition to the family AND their mother will want to see them too!
With ds1 I was in hosp 2 weeks - if I'd had other children are you suggesting that we could not see each other for 2 weeks?

Our hosp does enforce the 2 to a bed and only siblings rule. Any children running about and the midwives had a word.

No of course not, I was referring to women who are in for a maximum of 3 days. An exception should be made for women who have had complications and stay in longer!

If I end up being in overnight even just one night after the birth of my next baby, I'd like to see ds - I was there for 3 nights having him as I was taken in to be induced Wed night, contractions started that night, waters broken the next morning, birth on Friday morning, kept in Friday night. But I'd expect him to be brought in for a couple of short spells, say 15 minutes even, taken off for lunch in between and to be taken home at some point.

With my first baby I only had two visitors there - my mum and dp. I really needed someone there who was able to deal with the hospital staff in a way my dp wasn't up to, as I was having.

I don't think people should have huge crowds of visitors and some of the experiences described here sound quite ridiculous, but I think there are all sorts of reasons why one person only isn't much even for someone who's only there a short time. And you don't know at the outset how long you'll be in for either.

I have to confess here,,, when i had my ds twelve years ago i was lucky enough to be transferred to a small maternity hospital after giving birth in a large hospital(its now closed sadly) I had a six bed ward to myself and on Saturday afternoon there were nine people in there with me ds's godmother arrived and asked for us and the midwife replied it's the party in the room bottom right!!

I had to have a CS and hated hated hated the post natal ward because of other peoples kids, partners, etc. It was a total nightmare and I begged and pleaded to be sent to the midwife led unit in the next town which I had intended giving birth at originally but had a pesky during labour diagnosis of a breech birth hence being transferred to bigger hospital. To the right hand side of me in the post natal ward there was a mother with 3 older children who viewed the place as a playground, kept hurling themselves through the curtains and at one point wobbled my new son's cot as they ran into it. To the other side I had a drug addict Mum who's child was in special care having been born prematurely and having the drugs in his system poor little mite, and all she was bothered about was having a fag and screaming blue murder in the middle of the night to be allowed to get up and have a fag.And her wonderful partner kept saying how fed up he was as 'the kid's ginger'! Awful.
Got to midwife led unit and it was an oasis of calm. What a total difference, and the midwives on duty soon dealt with kids etc who were messing about and in fact told some people to leave as us new Mum's needed to rest. She was my hero!

When I had DS in November, the visiting hours were (if I remember) 14:00 - 15:30 and 18:00 - 19:30 for general visitors, but you were limited to 2 or 3 visitors per bed, unless you had special permission from the senior midwife in charge.
Partners could visit any time from 10:00 to 20:00.
Strictly no visitors were allowed at all (including partners) between 12:00 & 14:00 to allow new mothers to rest.
I thought these rules were fair.

However, there was a lady in the bed next to me whose husband, other children & various other relativess came each day, and were sometimes still there after 9pm. One night they were still there at 10pm . The kids were running round and shouting, and kept opening my bedside curtains, and ducking under my curtains into my little cubicle.
The lady in question didn't speak English & needed an interpreter, so I'm not sure if the hospital had made special allowances for her to have visitors for longer. It was really annoying though; I wished they'd put her in a side room on her own if that was the case.
Looking back, I should have complained but I didn't.

My hospital was supposed to be

partners 1100-2000
other visitors 1400-1500 & 1800-1900 maximum 3 per bed.

However they weren't enforced. I should have complained about one family - their toddler was running riot in the post c/s bay (they came up with DD from recovery, so maybe she was there for the op too ) & running in & out of the cubicles, including mine when the m/w were in the middle of trying to deal with my (what quickly became severe) PPH - they didn't say anything & I wasn't in a position where I was able to, but I was NOT impressed at having the curtains flung open when the m/w's were in the middle of "inspecting" the bleeding . I think they were making special allowances as the family didn't speak English as a first language & I did think "well maybe they had no one to look after their DD" (didn't excuse the DH for not controlling her though) - however the entire tribe of about 12 people turned up later in the day (and stayed for over an hour after visiting was supposed to finish), so it obviously wasn't the case Was so glad when I was allowed to move into a single room & could shut the door on the chaos.

Middymee - I totally disagree with your post, I was only in for 3 days post c/s, but there was NO WAY I would have put up with not seeing DD (at that point 22months) for 3 days. The change of a new baby is bad enough without their mother disappearing for 3 days (which to a toddler would feel like a month). If they hadn't let her in I would have discharged myself as soon as I could walk & that would hardly be condusive to the best medical care for me would it? That said DH only brought her in for half an hour each day & then took her home to MIL & came back again. He also made sure she was behaving. We respected that other people might want to rest, even if others didn't...People with unruly children should be asked to leave.

massive infection risk.

wouldn't be tolerated in other wards so i fail to see why it is in an antenatal one.

and in the past, women stayed in hospital for days and days away from her children and everyone seemed to survive without major emotional damage - methinks folks have become a little too precious these days.

Rhis is one of the reasons I really hope that I manage another homebirth this time.

I don't even really remember being particularly bothered about visitors - being in a ward full of other women and babies was bad enough I am afraid - I did not want to be there.

how far in the past are you talking expat?

When my second nephew was born in 1985 my first nephew (23months) visited them every day (SIL was kept in for 5 days after a "normal" birth in those days) - I have the photos to prove it

I was born my em c/s in 1966 (quite rare in those days) & my Mum had complications & was in hospital for over 2 weeks & my DB came every day apart from the day I was born.

Message withdrawn

In the late 70s when DH was born his brother wasn't allowed to visit in hospital, and then MIL wound up staying in a while because she needed her gallbladder removed.

BIL is a normal, well-adjusted adult who doesn't seem to have suffered any long-term damage.

oh for goodness sake expat, no one is suggesting that a DC would suffer long term damage lasting into adulthood, we are just talking about making the transition from an only child to having a sibling as easy as possible for a toddler....

it's a few days or a week, Betty! it's not going to kill them, fgs.

and why are the toddlers' needs greater than those of the patients - the new mums and babies?

it's a hospital, not a hotel set up to cater to everyone's needs, aside from the patients.

i think the rules should be much stricter, especially with MRSA and C. dif on the rise.

I paid for an amenity room (£100) so that I didn't have to subject my 4 children on the other mothers, and even then they didn't come for long as I felt they were just too loud.

I actually found it wasn't just other peoples children that bothered me, but all of their visitors. I think there is alot to be said to just allowing partners really - why do people need 4 or 5 visitors if they are only in for a short time? (I have had 5 hospital births and also spent time on antenatal wards twice and each time I did feel intimidated by other mother's visitors)