Postnatal wards - was yours overrun by other people's older children?

[hunkermunker]

Mine had visiting for mum's own family, including children, for about 12 hours of the day.

Some families see it as a day out, fun for all the family - but sadly not for anyone else on the ward as toddlers duck under curtains for a good long gawp at the new mum struggling to breastfeed, the dad of the tribe falls asleep in the chair, snoring, while the children rampage around the ward, using a new baby's bassinet (not their sibling's) as a scooter, etc.

Should midwives be on crowd control duty and kick them out? Or do new mums have a right to have their family with them, however annoying that family may be to someone else? Should visiting hours be broken up with quiet periods around eg lunch, etc on postnatal wards? Or should there be shorter periods of time available for children to visit their new sibling? I know not everyone has people they can leave their older children with, so that can make it difficult.

Why not ban Dad's too then, they can bond with their new baby when they get home...

In fact why not ban all visitors from hospitals then?

Oh is that perhaps that the patients want to see them, it's about the emotional as well as physical health/needs of the patient

I don't think most new Mum's would view themselves as "patients" either & the ones who are genuine patients after a complicated birth should be put in side rooms so they can rest etc (even with no visitors there are still other babies preventing rest)

and I should say I only allowed my children to visit as I was in for 2 days, when I have been discharged the same day, my older children didn't visit.

Oh, please, BB. If you feel that strongly about all this 'bonding' why not have a homebirth or give birth in a birthing centre?

Because tbh when I'm on a ward after having a baby I want to get some sleep and have some damn privacy. I'm bleeding and leeking milk and have to have midwives come and look at my yinyang.

Hardly in the mood to put up with someone else's preciousness whilst having to share a bathroom with their entire bloody family.

could ask YOU the same question expat, why didn't YOU have a homebirth then if you want peace & privacy ?

I was planning a "in & out the same day" VBAC, and had the plan come to fruition DD would NOT have visited me in hospital. However due to numerous complications (long story) I ended up with another c/s - unfortunately not all of us have a CHOICE about being in hospital.

'could ask YOU the same question expat, why didn't YOU have a homebirth then if you want peace & privacy ?'

Because I had a forceps delivery.

I wound up with stitches and a postpartum infection.

I was ill and complained to the max about people letting their kids run riot on the ward becuase it's not on.

It's a hospital where people go to recover after things like this - and they need peace and privacy to do that.

If you don't like the policies then sign yourself out AMA or give birth at home and let your kids run round to their hearts' content.

But inflicting them on other people whose bodies have just gone through the birth process is seriously inconsiderate to say the least.

with DD2, i had anaemia and wasn't allowed to give bith at home. there was no birthing centre or midwife led unit in the city, it was home or hospital.

so i left as soon as i could after having her - had to stay in 24 hours because the anaemia made me a PPH risk because the food sucked and i didn't want to deal with other peoples' out of control kids on the unit.

this time round, homebirth not offered because it's about a hour and a half over land and sea loch to consultant-led help if things go wrong so i'm going to go for the midwife-led unit here, they'll land a chopper in the football field next to hospital if you need a transfer.

About 18 months ago our local hospital (following a major infection breakout) reduced hospital visiting to 7pm-8pm (maternity) partners only

A few weeks later this was changed to 6.30pm-8pm (free for all, but the only children permitted to be siblings or half/step siblings) The siblings rule had always been the same. Oh and at weekends 2-4pm in addition to the evening slot.

I was only in for one night with dd2. My mil was most put out that the only visitors I would have on that evening were dh and dd1. Parents and ils met the baby the next day when I was home. (after mil had been for her hair appt, we were expected to accommodate her obviously more important priorities)

Anyway afaik the rules are still the same. I think it is absolutely crap for partners tbh. However the midwives state that it massively reduces the infection risks, and generally the mothers thrive in the more peaceful environment. Also they can learn to b/f in peace with one to one input from the staff.

I gather that when the visiting hours were longer the midwives did indeed spent a lot of time diplomatically sorting our "visiting rights/issues" and this had a detrimental effect on the care they were able to offer.

I quite liked the fact that I was left in peace all day, and the short time I had with my dd1 when she visited and met dd2 was very special for us as a new family.

did you actually bother to READ my first post properly before you jumped on me expat?

I actually said

"DH only brought her in for half an hour each day & then took her home to MIL & came back again. He also made sure she was behaving. We respected that other people might want to rest, even if others didn't...People with unruly children should be asked to leave."

There is a vast difference between letting a well behaved toddler pop in for half an hour to see their Mum & new sibling to letting an entire tribe run riot on the ward disturbing everyone.

well, that's funny, BB. i hadn't realised this was a closed conversation between me and you personally and you would therefore construe every single post soley in relation to yourself and overreact accordingly.

i was under the impression, in my first post, that this was an open discussion.

but carry on feeling black affronted over sod all if it makes you feel better.

in fact, i'd only read the first 4 posts when i replied.

i hadn't realised Your Majesty was on the thread in a mood, so to speak.

Come on, chaps - this isn't the thread for an argument. Nobody's even mentioned breastfeeding, for a start, so quite how it can kick off...

the "jumping on me" post I was referring to expat was

"it's a few days or a week, Betty! it's not going to kill them, fgs."

So are you trying to say now it wasn't aimed at me

no doubt, hunker.

seriously, BB, get over yourself.

if you think that's jumping on someone you need a glass of wine and stay off breast v. bottle and the Nelson Mandela threads.

hunker I did mention b/feeding a few posts back but I think it was of relevance and it was only in passing rather than the main point I was making.

ach, hunker, did that other one get pulled?

the BF guidelines one?

that one went the way of hell!

in fact expat I think we are almost in agreement?

unruly tribe of kids/noisy gang of visitors NO NO NO

a couple of visitors (one of whom just happens to be a toddler) who are quiet & well behavled, don't disturb anyine else & only stay half an hour - OKAY

1985 open visiting 2pm to 4pm
Partners 7pm to 8pm

1988 open visiting 2pm to 7pm
Partners 2pm to 8pm

2000 The world and his dog 10am to 9pm

I know which I prefered...

1985 stayed 10 days, no PND
2000 stayed 3 days, severe PND and stress due to no sleep in a ward with babies there 24 hours a day.

In 1985, they went into a nursery at night and we all got some sleep!!

My local midwife centre enforced 'naptime'

It was really fantastic. Between the hours of 2 and 4, we were herded onto the ward like small children. The curtains were pulled shut, if you wanted the midwives would take the baby to the nursery (not if you didn't) and if you had screaming babies they asked you to take him to 'the snug' (nice little homey room with a proper, not-plastic sofa and a tv).

And we were ' encouraged' to go to bed.

No visitors at all.

No partners, mothers, children, anyone.

It really was great. Like 1950s childbed recovery.

that's why I'm hoping to give birth in our local hospital, cold.

the midwives have time to look after your baby whilst you sleep, time to help you with proper AN care and BF. they let you stay at least 3 days even following an uncomplicated delivery.

and i think the big hospital experience wasn't very much good for my PND the last two times.

but again, there was no choice in the matter so here's hoping i avoid all those nasty pitfalls this time round.

with two little girls at home, i really want to take the time to let the body recover and get some rest.

Colditz if I ever have another dc I might CAT you to find out where this beautiful haven is and book into it!

I don't think it got pulled, EIS. It didn't quite go as I expected, that's for sure!

OPOL - yes, relevant and useful, thank you.

It's only an 8 bedded ward, and it's St Mary's in Melton Mowbray. It is fantastic. They let me have aftercare there - which I needed with ds1 but rather wallowed in with ds2.

that sounds fab Colditz

unfortunately we don't have any m/w led units or birthing centre etc locally (nearest is 1.5hrs away) In our local hospital the m/w & consultant-led deliveries all share the same delivery suite & PN wards, so it makes virtually no difference...

It was one of the reasons I had a homebirth for DD2, I was in a ward with 5 other women and about 100 of their relatives, could not sleep a wink.

I don't know what the exact hours were but between 2-4 everyone was kicked out including partners to allow women to rest (fat chance).