Sudden fear of upcoming labour

[DefiantRabbit9]

I just turned 37 weeks and it's suddenly dawned on me that she could come at any time. I've been doing everything right: colostrum harvesting, perineal massage, squatting to get her to engaged, got the birth plan done.

However now I'm starting to fear will I be able to handle it? Will I be able to get this baby out of me without ripping apart. I've never feared pregnancy and childbirth until now and now out of nowhere I'm scared of crowning. Do you even register the pain after a while?

Haha yes, you keep registering the pain (well I did). It's ok, you just do what you have to in the moment. That baby isn't going back in! So you will handle it 🙂

Great you're well prepared but don't focus too much on having a plan, don't feel bad if you end up asking for more pain relief than you planned for, or if you need a C-section.

Yes you’ll handle it because you have to. There’s lots of pain relief options so make sure you know the pros and cons of each before labour starts so you know what you might need and can ask for the right thing if you feel like you need it.
The pain of labour is so hard to describe - like yes it is painful, but it’s a useful pain because it’s getting your baby out. Not like a broken bone where there’s no good purpose, just pain.
Also, time moves differently in labour - the thought of contractions for hours is scary, but once you’re in it you have no idea how long it’s been. Time goes so quickly. You go into a whole other world.
Your worries are completely normal. But you don’t HAVE to be in pain, you can take stuff with you to make you more comfortable / make the room feel homely, you can even have a laugh at times!
Also, with both of mine I only had gas & air (they came quickly so no time for anything else), and I actually don’t remember crowning feeling too bad. I’ve always heard people talk about the ring of fire but I truly don’t remember feeling that. So maybe not everyone does!

I think by the time you're full term you just want to get on with it, you feel so uncomfortable. It's strange but I had a surge of strength and determination just to get it done! When you're actually in it, you just do it.

I have to be honest the crowning (and tearing in my case) didn’t register as painful for me.
It’s a weird sensation.. I have given birth twice and both times I thought it’s physically impossible for a baby to fit through there.. and seconds later it’s happening.

If you can fit in a bit of last minute reading, I found Juju Sundin’s “Birth Skills” book helpful. I read it at 37 weeks with my second baby, in a similar last minute panic!

Like everyone says, you just get on with it when you're there, and everyone is different. Some have no or very little pain.
Read up on the options so if you want pain relief, you already know what you'd prefer, but be flexible.

My advice (if you haven’t already) is to read up on everything. The different types of pain relief, the different forms of instrumental delivery, ways of monitoring you & baby etc. I felt more relaxed once I knew that there were many different forms of birth and felt equipped to state my preferences in the moment if I needed to.

Your specific concern about crowning is interesting to me because that’s the thing that caught me so off guard during my first delivery! I honestly felt that I’d thought about it all, but for some reason, I was not prepared for crowning.

It did hurt for me but it’s a different kind of pain to the contractions. I immediately started trying to close my legs! My husband was instructed to help me keep my legs open. I quickly realised that the only way out of the pain was to go through it.

The best bit about crowning is that you are literally about to meet your baby. If you are worried, speak to your birth partner before hand and tell them to remind you at that point that it’s all nearly over, and you are about to meet your baby.

I remember that moment of realisation that this baby has to come out and it might hurt lot. In fact the worst bit was when the midwife gave me a sweep which I had imagined feeling like when the sweep the smear test brush around...erm no it was like the most intense period cramps. Once actual labour began it just built up in waves so it was bearable, as it gets stronger it becomes a bit relentless but then you are allowed to push which sort of focuses your thoughts and energy. You are unlikely to notice the tearing at all as it happens other than the sheer relief of crowning being over (I pushed because I had an uncontrollable urge which is why I tore). Just go with it. Had one birth that was super slow and ended in instrumental delivery too and that was all quite exhausting but I can't recall much of it now. I did find a tens machine a great help in the early stages of labour. You'll manage it op! Good luck.

You might not have such bad pain, not everyone does. I did (back to back baby, the pain was horrific, pretty much from the start). I had an epidural, which was nothing short of miraculous. I went from a screaming wreck to sitting up, chatting to the midwives and eating Haribo. I could have hugged the lovely anaesthetist who sited it!

I accidentally just birthed my third without any pain relief. It hurts but not in the tearing way you’d expect. It’s more of a burn and increasing pressure that you have no control over. It’s actually quite empowering though and feels amazing once they’re out and all the pressure has gone! I’m only 4 weeks pp and would already do it again so it’s not as bad as you’d think 🤣🫣

However if you are really worried and have a long labour an epidural is an option. If it works well it completely takes away all pain and you don’t feel anything. I personally wouldn’t have one again as it does lead to further interventions but if pain is your main worry and you’re not so bothered about interventions then that’s a good option!

My advice is to have a phrase / mantra/ quote - whatever you want to call it, that you can say and your birth partner can repeat. I didnt for my 1st and found myself constantly repeating "i cant do this, I cant do this" over and over. It was the only thing I could say. 2nd time round I had a quote that made sense to me and helped comfort me, it really helped. Im not usually into mantras or affirmations or anything so was shocked at how much it helped 2nd time round! You can do this and you have a team of people and tools around you to help it happen!

I agree with PPs, crowning was most definitely not the worst bit for me! By that stage you’re determined to get the baby out and you know you’re at the very last hurdle so you put everything into it and when it happens it’s the most amazing relief. And I had my second on Monday so the memory is very fresh in my mind!

It is a very scary prospect OP, no doubt about it. But you CAN and WILL do it. And you will feel like a fucking QUEEN afterwards. It’s the most amazing achievement. And your beautiful baby will be in your arms!

Defo inform yourself about pain relief options. The pushing stage for a first baby can take a couple of hours and be very intense. If I was doing my first birth again I’d have an epidural at that point. Second birth there was no time - about 10 pushes and he was out!

Oh I also wanted to add, that the vast majority of the pain stops immediately once your baby is born! It’s literally like an off switch and all of a sudden it’s over and you have your baby in your arms ❤️

If it makes you feel any better, I do zero prep. No teas, dates, massages etc.
I had a small graze after my second which was a water birth. I felt minimal pain but lots of pressure. No ring of fire.

I honestly think if you can stay calm and breathe it’s all going to be fine.
and if it isn’t you’ll recover from that too.

my first birth was horrific, I healed a lot with my second.
good luck.

Stage fright. I remember it well. If you are able to give birth vaginally, it should pass when contractions start and your body has work to do. However, it may come back in transition! Wishing you the very best of luck.

I’ve had 3 babies without needing pain relief. There was a few minutes with DC2 when I felt it was almost unbearable, but that was transition, which didn’t last for long and after that the pain was ok, it was productive.
What helped: genetics- my mum and aunt both had short, manageable labours
Meeting a midwife socially a few days before DS1 was born, who told me to enjoy the birth experience . Until then , I hadn’t realised enjoyment was an option.
Feeling in control- I found that if I could mentally get on top of it, using breathing techniques, visualisations etc, then I felt like I could do it.
I know I was lucky. I’d been to NCT classes that terrified me, as it seemed like any of the pain reliefs available then had massive disadvantages . I wanted a clear head, not having to battle nausea or grogginess whilst trying to do a job.
Not every one feels the same, and some people I know have been happy with gas and air, or chose an epidural or an elective CS.
For me, the long labour would be the worst thing, not the last part, which although intense, is comparatively quick.
Do what you can to enable yourself to stay in control ( practice yoga breathing, have a birth partner you can completely trust to support you and remain calm, maybe get hypnotherapy if you are that way inclined, check out visualisation techniques ) but also be prepared for the fact that you might not be in control. It will help if you are in a position to understand medical advice- make sure you are familiar with medical terminology and that you know what options there are.
I can only describe it as a masssive rollercoaster and also the description of it feeling like “ shitting a melon” is accurate! But that is the very last part of the process and once you feel that, you know you’ll be meeting your baby within minutes. So it’s bearable. Even if you need an episiotomy to get the baby out, it’s not the worst pain.
A successful outcome is mother and baby being well , and if you have to go through physical pain to get to that point, it’s temporary. I’d say the next few weeks are harder!

Thanks ladies, I'm back to feeling really positive hearing all your experiences and perspectives.