Last-minute registration for childbirth and care on NHS

[BrendaSouleyman]

Hello,
I'm originally from the U.K. but live alone in an EU country and am seven months pregnant with my first child (32 weeks amd 1 day as of 8 December). All my pregnancy scans, blood tests and midwife appointments have been done in this EU country. There's no father on the scene.
My mother, who lives in the U.K where I grew up, told me in October that she won't fly over for the birth, nor afterwards. I was shocked but she simply said she'd be "rubbish". Her attitude seems to be that I've chosen to go ahead with this baby on my own and as I've lived in a big city abroad for the past 21 years, I should get lots of people around to help me, as she has told me repeatedly that it will be very difficult. After her announcement and another extremely selfish and unempathetic remark from my older sister, I got shingles, which is apparently very rare in pregnancy.
I contacted doulas, student mid-wives and night nurses, in the aim of getting support in place for the baby's arrival, which is planned for early Febuary. All very expensive but necessary.
There's also the fact that I live in tiny apartment of just under 33 squared metres. Even if midwives and doulas do come to help at nights or even during day in the first week of the baby's life, I wonder if I'll get to sleep with them in the very next room - I only have one bedroom! Particularly when I'd hear my baby crying (as I am planning to breastfeed).

Then, eight days ago, I tripped and fell badly on the street. I was taken by ambulance to hospital and thankfully scans and monitoring showed baby was fine. I was kept in overnight, but I've never been so scared in all my life.

Since then, I have been highly anxious about walking in the street, and anxious more generally about how am I going to manage with the baby on my own. I don't have a pushchair because I can't carry it up flights of stairs (I live on a second floor without a lift. Carrying a pushchair, cot, etc is too heavy for me at this stage in my pregnancy). Only yesterday, I was beside myself, trying to walk in the rain and so terrified of falling again.

My mother has suggested I return to the area I grew up in (in the U.K.) to have the baby there. Much as my mother is a pain in the ass (and not wlays very empathetic), she would be of practical help, she would cook and help me look after the baby, and she owns an actual house, in which I would stay, and a car - I have neither.
I have contacted the health centre in my native town, they can see I used to be registered there 23 or so years ago, and to get registered with a GP, I need me to complete a form which I then have to return to the health centre in person. I then complete a booking form for a midwife appointment.

My worry is whether all this can be done in time. My baby is due around 2 February according to U.K. calculations (8 February according to European calculations) and I fly to the U.K. on 17 December.
I am petrified that I will be turned away from the hospital when I go into labour or not given proper care if I'm not registered or assigned a GP in time.
Any thoughts or advice, please reassure me!

@BrendaSouleyman as you have health issues and solo mother have you got a guardian sorted for your child if the worst was to happen, especially if your mum and sister aren't too supportive?

You will be able to access care x
They should discuss the costs with you but I’d always advise to ask if not and then you’ll be informed about what to expect. You can normally make an arrangement to pay if needed.
All the best and hope all goes well for you, whatever you decide to do x

Call the local 'big' hospital were you might give birth and ask to speak with the private and overseas coordinators and get the correct advice

Wow you really are quite awful aren’t you?

I would try to convince your mother to fly out again and explain what you have done here.

If that fails, then have the baby in the uk. I doubt she would refuse to help if living in the same house

I do kind of agree if you've chosen to do this alone, didn't you think about how to get the pram up the stairs etc?

what do you mean handicapped? Will you be realistically able to look after a baby on your own. Perhaps you'd be better off with support from your mother for a while and then move back when the child is older?

That is a fair comment. I can absolutely manage a pram -it's at this stage in pregnancy that I can't carry one. After a couple of months, yes, absolutely. My physical strength isn't impeded by my handicap. It is hard for me to move apartment at the moment because of the invalidity pension and the loan issue, and because I don't have guarantors here in France. The midwife who visited my apartment told me my apartment is manageable with a newborn.
Unfortunately my mother will not budge on coming out here, even though I tried again a fortnight ago and asked her just to come out for a week. She typically visits me
once a year, it's not as though she can't fly.

Quite. That remark was horrible.

Why don’t you pay for a private maternity package then? Very easy to do, jus choose a hospital that offers it and then choose one of the their private consultants/midwives.

I don’t think I’d go to stay with someone who was as unsupportive as your mum. I can’t believe she isn’t coming to support you when she did it with your sister. I think you will be better off in France, especially from a MH point of view.

There is a report on BBC News website stating how bad maternity services are here. can you go private here?

As an aside, you really don't need a pram. I only got one for my second child at 9 months old. I used a sling up til then. First DC had a pram but wouldn't go in it!

Also - no cot, both babies slept in bed with me : breastfeeding, safe sleeping etc.

Will you need car seat?

How miserable and pathetic is your life that you have to come on here to rip into a stranger and aspects of their life that aren’t related to the issue she has raised? Do you get a kick out of it or something?

Op mumsnet is toxic like this with derailers who spend far too much time on line offloading their unpleasantness because their reality is probably lonely and dire. Ignore them.

You have the advice, you can go and you wint be turned away and u won’t get charged. The rest is irrelevant.

oh do stop frothing dear. It’s always the ones who pay little to no tax worrying about the contribution of others.

Would your Mum consider coming if you rented an Airbnb near where you live for a week? That might tempt her.

I honestly think you would be better off seeking all the help you can where you are, have you joined any antenatal groups? Make some friends with other mothers having babies around the same time as you.
The care in France is likely to be much better than the UK and you don’t want to miss out on particular benefits like the post natal physio for instance because you are out of the country. Plus all the paperwork, organising passport for the baby, travelling home alone with a baby will be added stress.
You could be nesting and relaxing at home without any of the hassle.

Also if you are concerned about falls have you considered a walking stick? I asked for a hiking stick for my birthday a couple of years ago - instead of the ski pole variety husband bought one with a shaped handle. It’s an expensive German brand but the picture on the packaging of an old man who looked like Father Christmas didn’t fill me with enthusiasm.
However I have got so used to taking it on walks I feel naked without it. Even though I’m not old and doddery. It’s a real help when going over rutted ground or negotiating deep mud. I also recently took it with me on a trip to London - I thought it might help me repel any attacker on the train. LOL.

I am glad you have been reassured that you will receive care at an NHS hospital when you give birth.

With this information, take some time (I know it is short), to consider your options. If you have a doula already engaged, use your time with them to explore what it would be like and what resources and support would be most helpful to you, before and after the baby arrives. You don't need to plan for the worst case scenario, just the most likely scenario having a safety net in place for contingencies.

There is a reciprocal care agreement in place between the UK and France, you need to have certain forms. Also check your insurance, what they would cover and of they would cover your baby, though the NHS should cover your baby up to the age of 3 months, if born in the UK.

Also think about your needs... physical, emotional, social... and how these can be met. I would not rush into a decision to place yourself in the hands of someone (your mother) who has not unequivocally stepped up to do this for you.

It is 100% a normal response to feel like you do in this stage of pregnancy and after having an experience which his forced you to consider how you will respond when your baby arrives.

If money is no object, perhaps you and your doula can come up with a plan which puts in place something like the Korean post partum care where women are taken care of for between 3 and 6 weeks after birth. It would need a team of flexible people who can provide 24/7 care for you, but this would be hard to pull together.

You can explore the practicalities of how you, doula / midwife / baby might fit in your space and what routines might look like, accepting that it might all go out the window when baby arrives.

She won’t be covered under the reciprocal agreement if the primary reason of her visit is to give birth in the UK. It would cover treatment that is incidental to a visit or in an emergency situation as a tourist. Neither France nor the UK would cover somebody visiting with the intention of having a baby in the respective country. Care would be provided, but charged for.

Thank you for the clarification.. it makes sense.

As she is on a limited income, she'd be nuts to do that. The NHS tariff is always considerably less than private fees. If she does decide to come to the UK, better to go with the NHS, which will not turn her away, and then pay the considerably lower and not up front bill when she needs to.