Last-minute registration for childbirth and care on NHS

[BrendaSouleyman]

Hello,
I'm originally from the U.K. but live alone in an EU country and am seven months pregnant with my first child (32 weeks amd 1 day as of 8 December). All my pregnancy scans, blood tests and midwife appointments have been done in this EU country. There's no father on the scene.
My mother, who lives in the U.K where I grew up, told me in October that she won't fly over for the birth, nor afterwards. I was shocked but she simply said she'd be "rubbish". Her attitude seems to be that I've chosen to go ahead with this baby on my own and as I've lived in a big city abroad for the past 21 years, I should get lots of people around to help me, as she has told me repeatedly that it will be very difficult. After her announcement and another extremely selfish and unempathetic remark from my older sister, I got shingles, which is apparently very rare in pregnancy.
I contacted doulas, student mid-wives and night nurses, in the aim of getting support in place for the baby's arrival, which is planned for early Febuary. All very expensive but necessary.
There's also the fact that I live in tiny apartment of just under 33 squared metres. Even if midwives and doulas do come to help at nights or even during day in the first week of the baby's life, I wonder if I'll get to sleep with them in the very next room - I only have one bedroom! Particularly when I'd hear my baby crying (as I am planning to breastfeed).

Then, eight days ago, I tripped and fell badly on the street. I was taken by ambulance to hospital and thankfully scans and monitoring showed baby was fine. I was kept in overnight, but I've never been so scared in all my life.

Since then, I have been highly anxious about walking in the street, and anxious more generally about how am I going to manage with the baby on my own. I don't have a pushchair because I can't carry it up flights of stairs (I live on a second floor without a lift. Carrying a pushchair, cot, etc is too heavy for me at this stage in my pregnancy). Only yesterday, I was beside myself, trying to walk in the rain and so terrified of falling again.

My mother has suggested I return to the area I grew up in (in the U.K.) to have the baby there. Much as my mother is a pain in the ass (and not wlays very empathetic), she would be of practical help, she would cook and help me look after the baby, and she owns an actual house, in which I would stay, and a car - I have neither.
I have contacted the health centre in my native town, they can see I used to be registered there 23 or so years ago, and to get registered with a GP, I need me to complete a form which I then have to return to the health centre in person. I then complete a booking form for a midwife appointment.

My worry is whether all this can be done in time. My baby is due around 2 February according to U.K. calculations (8 February according to European calculations) and I fly to the U.K. on 17 December.
I am petrified that I will be turned away from the hospital when I go into labour or not given proper care if I'm not registered or assigned a GP in time.
Any thoughts or advice, please reassure me!

Make sure you take any paperwork you're going to need to get the baby's passport, as you won't be able to travel back to France without one.

I had a work colleague who had their baby in a different country to the one they were living in (and different again from either of their citizenships) and they were trapped staying in a hotel until they could get the baby's passport sorted out (luckily quite quickly)

OP, apart from all the will they/won’t they discussion about whether you will be charged or not for treatment, can you actually afford to live in this country for an indeterminate amount of time? Presumably you won’t be working so will have reduced income, have you checked that you will still be eligible for your disability benefits and private health insurance if you are living outside of France, particularly in what is now a non-EU country?

How long can you stay in the UK with your mum? On the one hand you talk about not being seemingly particularly concerned if you are charged for care but on the other hand, you don’t appear to have a huge amount of disposable income currently in France.

remember also that if you are concerned about the logistics of managing a newborn with a push chair etc in a second floor flat, this is only going to become more challenging as the child gets older. When they are a year old, they still can’t walk upstairs but are then much heavier to carry with all their kit. Presumably, you’re not planning on spending that much time in the UK though?

are you going to be an older mother? If you have lived abroad for 21 years and went even as a young adult you also need to factor in the increased chances of birth complications which will add to any potential costs and length of time spent here.

Do you have health insurance in your EU country? If so, (and I assume you do) there is a long standing cross charging protocol for ongoing pregnancy care between the NHS and your country of residence. So the UK tax payer will not be picking up the tab.

Even people who do not have health insurance in their home country are covered for pregnancy, and then neonatal care, by the NHS as it is considered to be emergency treatment. Hence the problem of babies born to third country national women who have undergone fertility treatment abroad - sometimes implanting six to eight embryos- occupying all the neonatal intensive care cots in certain London teaching hospitals. NHS try to recover the costs but usually fail.

You chose to have a baby via sperm donor and didn't think how you were going to cope with giving birth and looking after yourself and the baby?

I have clothes for the baby, a cot, have lined up doulas and night nannies to help me look after the baby. As a single mother with a handicap, I am trying my absolute best. I didn't expect my mother not to be there for me, I didn't expect my sister not to be there for me, I didn't expect to fall in the street and require hospitalisation. I shared a private piece of information that another use hounded me for, and now you're using it against me.

This thread has taken a horrible turn.

@BrendaSouleyman but you can't expect people to be there for you. You actively chose to have a baby solo, you have to be able to look after baby/child/teenager solo. You live in a flat with stairs and didn't think about how you are going to manage a pram. Did you think this through at all?

Also will your DC have access to their dad's details?

Did you actually ask your mum and sister for help or just expect them to help out?

What help is available to you from the state in France? In UK a new disabled mother will have support from HV, possibly Social Work etc depending on your needs. It might not be all we would want but it is there. Have you investigated the equivilant in France?

You expected your mum and sister to move countries to help with your birth and newborn?! And share a 33m 1 bed flat with you. For how long? Your mum is very kind to offer to let you move into her house.

Maybe look at travel prams, they're about 5kg and easy to fold, I could easily carry them until birth and straight after. A lot now have lay flat, newborn nests- i prefer bassinet but you'll never be able to carry a proper pram and the newborn at the same time up the stairs. Look at the joolz aer2, bugaboo butterfly2, yoyo. Bugaboo dragonfly also is quite small with collapsible bassinet.
You might plan to use slings but can be tricky at times.

Also if you are flying over then you might want tk hurry up before you're too far gone, if you're anxious walking the ln you'll definitely be anxious flying and getting around an airport.

Hello OP. That fall sounds awful and really scary. I think it might have contributed this instinct to change plans. There is a biological imperative for you to make a safe home for your baby and ensure you are well looked after. But take time to use the other bit of your brain and think really carefully about what the result might be. You want your mum to look after you, but she has shown and said that she will not be the one to look after you. Your being in the UK will not change that fundamental attitude. She might be in the same house as you but everything will be grudging, you will feel sad, disrupted and beholden to her. UK maternity services aren't great and that can have long-standing effects for new mums.

please believe you can do this on your own, in the country you have made your home. You will be a strong mum to this little one despite the size of your flat. You will find your own community of solo mums who support each other in time. You are fearful now because the reality of looking after a new baby has hit you, but we all feel like that and we all get through it

It’s natural to get anxious at this stage of pregnancy op but you sound like you have thought through everything previously and your fall has made you feel vulnerable, I think your plans before sound like good ones and flying back here is a knee jerk reaction.

@Castlereagh why should her mum be stepping up, her daughter made this active choice to have a baby by herself, it wasn't an oops moment, or a shit dad leaving her in the lurch. She actively went through the sperm donor process, she couldn't then expect her family (who live in a different country) to step up to help out. If they had offered before she embarked on this, that might be slightly different but in fairness even if they had offered she couldn't expect them to help for ever

This is like Chinese whispers. This thread was about NHS care for someone coming from abroad. Please @RabbitsEatPancakes point out where I expected my mother and sisters to move countries. Its almost funny how the judgement has gathered momentum except its not funny, it is very stressful.
Because of my handicap, I could not have the baby any other way than via sperm donor.
I asked my mother to come over for one week to help out with the baby. She said she would be "useless". She accompanied my younger sister, who also lives in a different country, during her delivery. My younger sister is married but as you keep pointing out, I chose to have this baby via sperm donor.
I don't think it's strange to be disappointed by that double standard from my mum.
But I do think it's strange that a thread veers so far from its origin, I have to go into details about my health condition and finances, only to be pilloried.
Or maybe you're right, and I am useless and entitled.

Please point out where I said I expect them to help for ever.

This may be correct. Thank you.

I know someone with a UK passport coming over from living in the Caribbean to have a caesarean here. She will just tick the box saying she has been in the country for the past 12 months, show her passport and all will be well apparently….

You say you plan to move when you need a second bedroom, can you do that sooner?

My job means that I have a lot of access to maternity records from the NHS. I absolutely wouldn't choose to give birth there if there was any alternative at all (I went private when I had a baby in the UK).

Likely will

We may be charged as you are not ordinarily resident in the U.K. you need to be resident 3 months to 12 months depending on service you are accessing to become resident for charging purposes. That said emergency services are free even for overseas residents so if you present yourself in a&e you will be able to access delivery services just not anything prior. This was the case of my ex cousin in law (I think the relationship is) and she wasn’t billed for the delivery but paid for a post delivery check up at a private gp prior to flying home at 6 weeks. She had medical insurance in case of emergency too

My concern would be getting the fit to fly letter with your health issues. I was told by my consultant not to book any flights after 28 weeks.

Sorry, but this isn’t correct. She would be able to access maternity care and they would not seek to recover costs whilst she is pregnant. However, as she’s not ordinarily resident in the uk, the Trust can, and may well, seek to recover costs after the baby is born. If she needs a c-section, or her or little one need extended care, this could be a very big bill, although it’s normally possible to arrange a payment plan.
Trusts are generally getting much hotter on recovering debts, due to NHS finances and also the general climate of the discussion around immigration. I’ve been involved with the overseas patient team many times.

You wouldn't be turned away for care, but as you have been out of the UK for so long, you would be presented with a bill after birth. Probably while you're still on the postnatal ward if you choose to birth in a hospital.

OP, also an SMBC. I registered at a UK hospital at 36 weeks and all was fine (and the care was fantastic) - I was coming from a remote UK location where giving birth is a bit dicey rather than abroad, but no questions were asked about that as I had my parents' address. I also got the registration sorted with the GP, but that didn't need to be done before registering with the maternity services so the two processes could run parallel.

There's a very supportive solo mothers group on Facebook - Solo Mothers By Choice UK - which might be worth checking out. Huge congratulations on your impending arrival, and don't panic. I can't lie, it's incredibly incredibly hard work alone, but it is survivable, you will do it, wherever you choose to do it, and it is worth it.

This is fair enough. My worry was with regards to being able to access care which I'm now reassured I can do, if I need to.
Less reassured by some of the very judgemental posts about being a single mother.

https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice/residence-rules-and-entitlement-to-nhs-maternity-care-in-england/

This explains under which circumstances you are eligible for NHS funded maternity care. You are a UK national, voluntarily in UK so it will depend on your “ordinary residence” status. There is no time limit for this. In practice all you need to say is that you are now permanently settled.

However, this should be academic because your EU health insurance will pay if you are insured in your country of residence.