What' s the general consensus on male midwives?

[mimismummy]

Just curious really. Had a conversation with a friend today who says she would be fine with it. I'm not so sure, but I don't know why, really, as I am fine with male doctors and nurses caring for me. Just wondered what other people felt about this and whether anybody had any experience of this.

i had my first by forceps and the consultant asked me if some students she'd hand-picked could observe her at work.

she said two were male.

didn't bother me in the least!

they have to learn and i'd rather have it be in a controlled setting with a very good senior consultant than otherwise.

Maybe I'm being a bit sensitive (pregnancy hormones!) but I find it a bit that it's thought that those of us who have complicated deliveries would have different opinions of male midwives to those lucky enough to have a straight forward delivery. I did all my labouring and 2 hours of pushing in a MW-led birthing centre, and I would much rather have a good male MW than a female MW who was pushy or drippy for that part of my birth experience too. Even though that part was much more private and it was just me, DH and the MW (or rather three MWs as it went on for ages and the shifts kept changing!).

gender not an issue, you want an able capable confident affable practitioner.that's all.

oddly in obs and gynae male doctors and consultant's but really limited amount of MW

are their any male doula's?

MTM - I really don't mean to be insensitive. I am just giving my opinion based on my experience and the work of Michael Odent, who says that in purely physiological births, the presence of a male may inhibit the birthing process. For me this would be true. I also suspect that if I had intervention, I wouldn't mind who is was helping me as long as they were kind and competent.

However giving birth in my front room, in my space, in peace and quiet, IS different from a hospital birth (I have had both). In that circumstance, then a man being there would have interferred with what what my body was concentrating on. I am not sure it can be explained unless it has been experienced tbh.

Statistically, not many brths are purely physiological these days, so those arguing against men (for them) will be in the minority. That doesn't mean that they are wrong. It does highlight how many births are not what people would like, but that is a whole other thread .

But isn't Michel Odent a male OB?

I'd happily have a male midwife, I've been pregnant three times now and have never felt my care has had anything to do with the gender of the person caring for me at the time.

By the time i had finished giving birth, i wouldnt have cared if Noel Edmunds himself was doing the thing.

no shit, custy!

that's how i feel.

it's a pussy. big deal. they've seen loads.

I am afraid it feels like you are missing the point. It is not about a man looking at your fanjo. It is about a women going inside herself to birth a baby, and the presence of a man in the room preventing her from switching off from the rest of the world. As I said before, unless you have had a birth like this, it may seem rather odd.

I am not bothered about a man stitching me or helping me breastfeed, or asking if I have piles, but I don't want a male in the room when I birth (DP was present, but only from crowning onwards with DS and pushing with DD). Anyone else would have been 'wrong'. Can anyone else help me out here!!

I don't see why they would be 'wrong', they are trained medical professionals, and there to help, I find it quite strange that whilst in labour there would be any thoughts of someones gender going through anyones head tbh!

Can't agree, LS - I don't get the "otherness" of men in the way you're describing. I desperately wanted DH with me for the whole thing, and felt his presence made me able to focus and feel safe. DD was delivered by male obs and female mw - no problems, she was just big so they were taking care. Cons we knew quite well, and I was SO happy when he came to assist - made me feel safe and confident.

I did do the "going into myself" thing. I can remember at one point hearing the MW's voice in the distance saying "she's really focussed, isn't she?" to DH. What I wanted was quiet, as long as the MW was quiet and didn't fuss me during the contractions, then it didn't matter about gender.

i can't agree, LS. it's whom i feel comfortable with, regardless of gender.

a person's gender does not determine the feeling of strength and comfort they radiate, at least not for me.

Don't think I'd like the idea of a male m/w - I did do the 'going into yourself' thing - but I'd prefer a decent, caring, respectful midwife to a harridan any day. If the respectful one happened to be male, I'd live with it. But I do suspect there is some truth in what Odent says, and if I had to choose between two decent m/ws I'd go for the woman.

Hab - it is only an 'otherness' that I recognise whilst in labour lol! Any other time, no prob. I reiterate that I am not talking about this in hospital births or when there is intervention. It only applies (to me) for births that are on your terms in your space. Then it becomes important, because you are in charge of who comes in. I didn't have any conception of 'feeling safe' like you said. I was just there, doing it. No other thoughts were in my head.

VS - the 'wrongness' is simply there. It is not a rational thing, but then giving birth physiologically requires you to give up the rational side and let the primitive side take over.

MTM - I do understand what you are saying, but for me, that voice being male would have jerked me out of my space iykwim?

Am I really the only one to have birthed like this? I know I was really lucky with my experiences, but I can't be alone surely??

No, I don't see or feel any wrongness. Not at all.

Just me.

But a baby is created by both a man and a woman.

I have felt such strength and warmth and care radiating from my husband as I was in labour.

I am sure that had I had dd at home, I would still absolutely have wanted DH there for the whole thing. The safety thing is probably a reaction for me in having lost a baby before dd was born - I guess it changes your perspective.

Starlight, but my births weren't like that. It was just me in a pool in my front room. No one talking to me, no explanations needed. Just my body getting on with the job. It is a very different scenario from what you are describing. In your situation, I would agree with you too , but we aren't comparing like for like. I have to say the state of my lady garden never occured to me at all .

Expat - normally I would agree with you, but in labour, a man WOULD make me feel less comfortable. It is not a conscious thing, but an animal thing.

The midwife who assisted at the birth of my son (PFB) was a man. I thought he was fab. He didn't pretend to know things he didn't, wasn't at all bad-bossy, and was calm, gentle and nurturing. Gave us sound and balanced advice based both on professional experience and how own feelings.

I think being a man in a female dominated environment, or vice versa, means you have to be three times better than average to get anywhere ime.

It may make you uncomfortable, but it's not the same for us.

I don't feel like an animal when I'm in labour.

I feel like a person, a human being who is in pain and in need of compassion, strength and care.

I'm a very empathic person, and if I sense these qualities radiating from someone, then it brings me comfort, regardless of their gender.