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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

What' s the general consensus on male midwives?

96 replies

mimismummy · 15/05/2008 16:05

Just curious really. Had a conversation with a friend today who says she would be fine with it. I'm not so sure, but I don't know why, really, as I am fine with male doctors and nurses caring for me. Just wondered what other people felt about this and whether anybody had any experience of this.

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c4it · 15/05/2008 19:28

I find it slightly odd that people have such strong views on male midwives as in my experience most of the consultants are male anyway so why not midwives? Surely once they are qualified they have the same understandibg as childless female midwives?

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 15/05/2008 19:59

There is no way I would have an SHO of any gender sew me up. They majority of them are only there for 6 months while training to be GPs. Its a learning post and no way am I having a junior doctor learning on my fanjo.

MrsTittleMouse · 15/05/2008 20:04

Trust me, stripey it wasn't my choice. The consultant had given me his promise that he would sew me up, but then buggered off and left the junior to do it (or rather to balls it up ). At that point I was in stirrups and exhausted and DD was being resusciated and I wasn't in a fit state to argue.

I have it on my birth plan this time around that I will have the consultant or the senior midwife do any needlework. Bit late for last time though, as I trusted the bastard to tell me the truth (he lied about the epi too).

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 15/05/2008 20:22

Mrs TM - thats awful. A friend of mine had to be "refashioned" a year afetr childbirth due to the hash that was made of her perineal suturing.

MrsTittleMouse · 15/05/2008 20:25

Thank you - I pushed for referral and treatment, but I've been told that I'm not a good candidate for surgery.

MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 15/05/2008 20:27

It wouldn't bother me either way.

ListersSister · 15/05/2008 20:53

OK, so how about asking those who DIDN'T have interventions at birth what they think? If the world and his wife is involved in the delivery room, then yes, gender becomes fairly irrelevant - you want competence and care whatever the gender.

For those that have had hands-off births though, I suspect that a male midwife would present more of an issue - please correct me if I am wrong though .

pinata · 15/05/2008 20:57

i had a male MW - after DH and i joked about what we would do if this was the case, as we thought it was so unlikely

in the event, he was great - much better then the female MW cows who looked after me before and after labour

i think that as such a rarity, he had to do his job twice as well as any of the women - with the result that i was looked after extremely well

BarbaraWoodlouse · 15/05/2008 21:03

My ideal midwife would be bossomy, fifties, sympathetic but with a bit of a brisk, no nonsense "put your back into it dear" sort of edge.

That aside I would have no objections to a male midwife.

I would draw the line at a purple baboon though (of either gender)

Googiesmum · 15/05/2008 21:04

I had a pregnant midwife deliver ds2 at home, I was late and my allocated midwife was on leave. Even now it makes me feel uncomfortable - what did her unborn child go through hearing all that screaming? She left looking worse than I did after an exhausting night, and then went off work sick. I'd definitely prefer a male midwife to a pregnant one.

mistressmiggins · 15/05/2008 21:06

I had a male midwife with my first - I grabbed hold of him during the pushing and he was great!
I also had a male HV with my first - my husband & brother used to laugh about him talking to me about breast feeding BUT he qualified working on Prem baby unit and he knew his stuff!

my 2nd child I had a trainee midwife (female) who was left alone with me when her superior popped out & she looked scared stiff....I just got on with it

expatinscotland · 15/05/2008 21:07

it wouldn't bother me, as long as he was kind, competent and sympathetic.

i feel that way about any healthcare provider.

if they're doing their jobs and doing them well then it makes no difference to me.

madamez · 15/05/2008 21:10

DS was delivered by a male midwife, who was brilliant, camp, funny and knew what he was doing. In the final few awful minutes (I had an OK birth but the final few minutes are never much fun I shouldn't think) when someone had mentionted the possibility of a crash section, he said he had an idea and used a catheter which (I think) broke the hindwaters or something and DS popped out second later.
It wouldn't have bothered me either way anyway: I had spoken to him a time or two in the course of the day and the only midwife I didn't like was the obligatory stop-fussing dismissive COW that they have on every labour ward.

cheesesarnie · 15/05/2008 21:15

i had one with dd-untill she got stuck and ended up with csection.he was lovely and i think i preffered it as he might have delivered lots of babies but didnt know how much it hurt so i kept telling him.also i felt it was nicer for dh.when i was pregnant with 3rd dc i saw him again after i kept going into labour early-again i felt at ease and thought he was great.

LaVieEnRose · 15/05/2008 21:17

I had a lovely male midwife, Javier as I've mentioned on a previous thread.

He was brilliant and very calming. better than the twat of a consultant (female)who kept telling me I really should try and push harder and I wasn't putting enough effort into it Really? Because it doesn't feel like my body is being ripped apart or anything and every time I push its agony! No really, I just can't be bothered, bitch!

Rant over!

littleducks · 15/05/2008 21:17

i wouldnt want one or a male doc really....when i had ds there was male paramedic there but he understood how i felt without it being mentioned and kept a distance, he then cared for baby once it was delivered while female paramedic looked after me.

But i breastfed dd immediately when she was born,i felt i had to wait until paramedics left when ds was born as i wasnt comfortable with him seeing.

Spidermama · 15/05/2008 21:19

He would have to be pretty special.

TakeMeHome · 15/05/2008 23:08

When I had my children I wouldn't have minded the entire bass section of the Llandudno Male Voice Choir delivering them, if it made it hurt less.

jessikart · 15/05/2008 23:30

I know exactly what you mean!

For the labour/delivery I didn't/don't care who's there just as long as they're competent and supportive.

For any medical attention afterwards though, if I'm awake, then I'd prefer a female to sort me out - not least because the lovely lady who stitched me up after DS was full of chat and showbiz gossip which distracted nicely from the fact that she was shoving a suppository up my bum

Spidermama · 16/05/2008 00:15

But what about the aftercare. Could you look him in the eye knowing where he'd been and what he'd seen?

beforesunrise · 16/05/2008 08:40

i would be fine with it. i sometimes wonder what prompts a man to want to become a midwife, but then i brush the thought aside because it's nonsense, the motivations surely are the same for men and women!!

moreover most women would be fine with a male consultant delivering their child so not that different

Hoonette · 16/05/2008 08:48

I would be fine with a male midwife for the birth, but I think there are a few things afterwards where I might be a bit shy of a man.

I'm thinking particularly of the time when I showed a sanitary pad to a midwife to check my discharge was normal - I don't think I'd have been able to do that with a man (sorry about the tmi!)

expatinscotland · 16/05/2008 12:07

'But what about the aftercare. Could you look him in the eye knowing where he'd been and what he'd seen? '

Well, yes. No problems at all. I'd be hardly the first or last he'd seen. And I'm sure he's seen worst or will see worse.

It's just bits they see all the time.

It's probably like looking at feet for most midwives, GPs, GYNs and the like.

As long as someone is compassionate and competent, well, hey, what more can you ask?

expatinscotland · 16/05/2008 12:07

'But what about the aftercare. Could you look him in the eye knowing where he'd been and what he'd seen? '

Well, yes. No problems at all. I'd be hardly the first or last he'd seen. And I'm sure he's seen worst or will see worse.

It's just bits they see all the time.

It's probably like looking at feet for most midwives, GPs, GYNs and the like.

As long as someone is compassionate and competent, well, hey, what more can you ask?

shouldbeworking · 16/05/2008 12:34

I had a whole troop of student doctors come to see my ds2 delivered because he was big and lying back to back and I'm sure some of them were male but to be honest I couldn't have cared less. I'd sooner have a male midwife than the cow who "looked after me" (in the very loosest sense of the word) when I had ds1.
I've had a male hv who was absolutely fantastic...A million times better than any of the drippy and useless female ones I've had (including one who used to turn up at my house stinking like an ashtray)

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