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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

C-section versus vaginal delivery - help me make a choice

56 replies

VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 19:56

I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant and will be discussing birth options with my consultant for the first time in about a month.
We had a full term stillbirth 1,5 years ago. She passed in my belly and I gave birth to her vaginally in about 14 hours. She was born 11.5 pounds. Investigations haven't found a genetic cause for the stillbirth.
I had an epidural. The second stage of labour went really fast with fast pushing and I had a 3rd degree tear that took forever to heal (a peri anal ultrasound showed I still have a bit of damage to my external anal sphincter). Also everlasting fissures and discomfort.

Obviously what's most important to me it's getting my baby out safely. Still , the idea of giving birth frightens me. I'm worried about bleeding out with a c-section. And they say vaginal birth is better for the baby's microbiome and lungs. The urogyn at my 12 week checkup after my stillbirth advised my to have another vaginal birth with a next birth. But vaginal birth I'm worried about my pelvic floor, more pain and damage to my perineum and bumhole (even though the urogyn told me the risk is small). I'm also afraid my baby would get stuck. I wonder if I'll just go crazy halfway throughout labour if it reminds me too much of last time. To be honest I'm still experiencing some level of PTSD even though it's been 1.5 years. This pregnancy is extremely stressful for me because I'm worried about both my and baby's health considering I had such bad luck with my last birth.

I'm trying to write and describe my situation as clearly as possible so I hope you understand why it is such a hard decision for me. I'm really struggling...

OP posts:
Hocuspocustoasty · 14/02/2025 20:04

Have a csection. You won’t be denying your child anything by doing that. A planned csection is very different to an emergency csection, so the risks are much lower than the emergency situation.

seek some therapy with the perinatal mental health team. You didn’t deserve what happened to you or your baby. Was your baby born at 41/42 weeks?

of course just my opinion and if you decide to have a vaginal birth, there are some increased risks of tearing but that doesn’t mean you definitely will tear.

MaggieBsBoat · 14/02/2025 20:07

I am sorry for your loss @VividDaydream and all that you’ve gone through in addition. In your situation I would absolutely choose a section. Your baby will be out, in your arms quickly. And your abdominal healing will be as nothing in comparison to the damage you suffered last time. Plus, more importantly you won’t be labouring with the additional stress of worrying about your baby. It’s a no-brainer for me. I wish you all the best

Pinkpillow7 · 14/02/2025 20:14

11.5 pounds!? Bloody hell.

SittingNextToIt · 14/02/2025 20:17

Pinkpillow7 · 14/02/2025 20:14

11.5 pounds!? Bloody hell.

Astounded that that's all you have got to say to someone sharing news about a stillborn baby, who they had to give birth to for 14 hours.

BakewellGin1 · 14/02/2025 20:18

After last time I would go for a c section. So it can be scheduled, planned and controlled.

Good Luck. I hope everything goes well xx

KittenPause · 14/02/2025 20:18

Do whatever makes you feel most comfortable

Shamalamalamaawickettybongbongbadabling · 14/02/2025 20:20

I’m so sorry you went through that last time, it must have been incredibly hard.

If I were you I’d go for the section. As you say, you really don’t want to worsen your pelvic floor issues (it’s not unheard of for women to get anal incontinence after vaginal birth). Wishing you all the best. Xx

coldscottishmum · 14/02/2025 20:27

You will not miss anything at all by having a c-section and it may be triggering for you to have a vaginal birth again - if you feel it may be a planned c-section may be your best option. So sorry for the loss of your baby. I also had birth injuries from 2 natural births which took forever to recover from. My lovely friend chose a planned c-section and she said it was so relaxed and because it was planned it eased her worries. I’m pregnant with final DC3 and wondering if a c-section is an option for me too due to previous injuries. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and labour op - wishing you all the best whatever you decide x

anonny55 · 14/02/2025 20:27

So sorry about what you went through - in your situation id be going for a section. I'm due mine next week (first baby measuring big) and I'm feeling much more in control. I know the date and time I'll go in 2hrs before and he'll be delivered quickly and in my arms. Good luck with whatever you choose, don't feel pushed by healthcare staff, this is your birth and your choice.

Olika · 14/02/2025 20:27

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you should go for the section. Vaginal birth might be too stressful for you and bring up all traumas when in labour. I met with obstetrician as part of my antenatal appointments and he thought I would end up needing intervention even though he was happy for me to try vaginal birth. And I ended up having issues and EMCS it was. I would listen to the medical team you meet and then decide what you think is the safest option for you and the baby. In my section I felt very taken care of and safe. It was overall a positive experience.

Original poster
VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 20:28

Hocuspocustoasty · 14/02/2025 20:04

Have a csection. You won’t be denying your child anything by doing that. A planned csection is very different to an emergency csection, so the risks are much lower than the emergency situation.

seek some therapy with the perinatal mental health team. You didn’t deserve what happened to you or your baby. Was your baby born at 41/42 weeks?

of course just my opinion and if you decide to have a vaginal birth, there are some increased risks of tearing but that doesn’t mean you definitely will tear.

Thank you 💌

She was born at 37 weeks.

OP posts:
Babycatsarenice · 14/02/2025 20:33

If this helps my Obgyn said the stuff about microbiome is overblown. With lots of skin to skin, a bit of breastfeeding if you choose to and lots of good healthy food once weaned the c section babies catch up.
You've been through a lot and you should choose whatever makes you feel more at ease. Your mental health is crucial. Planned sections are safe.

Puttingoutfireswithgasoline · 14/02/2025 20:33

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine what this must feel like.

A PP mentioned additional support and I would take it up if offered to talk it through.

I would go for a section. I had a horrific first birth and DD went straight to NICU.

I jumped at the option of an induction, it was so reassuring he was monitored throughout and was open to a c-section if it didn’t go to plan. Had it been managed properly my first would have been a c-section and it stays with me not pushing for it, but I didn’t know.

Bosabosa · 14/02/2025 20:35

I am so sorry for your loss.
I wanted a home birth....baby had other ideas and I had an emergency c section and it was the best. Induced labour was painful and pointless. The c section was a relief and magical actually. I too was worried about the microbiome but really, you can do things to help that throughout their childhood. My baby is now primary school aged and thriving in every way. Go for the section, have a different experience in every possible way. Take care.

Hocuspocustoasty · 14/02/2025 20:37

Wow she was so big for 37 weeks! She must’ve been beautiful to hold in your arms, even while it broke your heart.

congratulations on your pregnancy and I know it’s easier said than done, but I really hope you can let go of your fears and feel joy with this baby.

JustBec · 14/02/2025 20:51

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter, and your experience. I couldn’t be more pro vaginal birth but in your shoes, I’d have the section. I have a family member whose little girl died shortly after birth. She had a scheduled section for her second (and third) child and now has two beautiful, healthy children and no regrets about how they were born. Good luck with your pregnancy, and whatever you choose to do. I hope to see you back here in the autumn to tell us all about your lovely new baby.

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 14/02/2025 20:53

I am so sorry for your loss. My personal choice (after a traumatic vaginal birth - where thankfully we survived , so I’m not comparing it to your level of trauma) would be planned c-section. I had an elective for my second as I was just terrified to try vaginal again. It was a wonderful, relaxed, controlled experience that was so far removed from my first. I got to put my baby straight to my skin while they stitched me up and we spent the rest of the day on the ward establishing feeding and recovering. I wasn’t nearly as tired as I hadn’t laboured for days. My wound healed beautifully and I was up and about and able to take care of baby within a day. It was altogether a different and healing experience.

I am so much hoping that whatever you decide, it’s the right choice for you and you have your little one safely in your arms.

edited to correct typos

Bababear987 · 14/02/2025 20:57

Aww I'm so sorry you had to go through all this.
I would 100% go for a section. I actually fought for mine for no medical reason and it was the best thing ever. I knew I wasnt supposed to give birth vaginally and I regret nothing. I actually did have a haemorrrhage but wouldve had one if baby was born vaginally (just like my friend did) and at least they were in there and able to control it asap.
Dont be worrying about the microbiome stuff and lungs it really makes very little difference as I imagine you'll be doing skin to skin anyways.
Also I think the risk of tears if you previously had a very large baby and a 3rd degree tear would actually be a bit higher- or at least significant enough that I wouldnt want to take the risk.
I would also demand a lot of extra monitoring as well just to keep an eye on babies size etc
I do hope you enjoy this pregnancy although I imagine its very stressful. Bare in mind you can change your mind on birth choices at any point but sometimes it's easier to pick from the start and get your head around it

PinkPandaShoes · 14/02/2025 21:01

I think another vaginal birth could be incredibly healing emotionally. Birth is a very powerful thing.

So sorry for your loss x

Lindtnotlint · 14/02/2025 21:06

Your story sounds so so hard. I’m so sorry. I would have a section - I had a second round of vaginal/perineal issues after a second vaginal birth and it was tough. I then had an elective c-section for third birth and it was great. I found healing a lot easier than it had been with all the vaginal stuff.

I hope whatever you choose it is an ok experience and you have a wonderful baby in your arms soon. Big love.

Ekitty · 14/02/2025 21:10

I am so sorry for your loss. May I ask you did you have an induction?

Sweetiedarling2024 · 14/02/2025 21:17

Sending you so much love. I am so sorry to hear about your still born baby. My heart bleeds for you.

If you think a vaginal delivery will bring back traumatic memories of your first birth, I’d recommend requesting an elective c section. Therapy and discussions with professionals are the way forward. You’ve got this xxx

Original poster
VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 21:24

Ekitty · 14/02/2025 21:10

I am so sorry for your loss. May I ask you did you have an induction?

I did yes

OP posts:
Harriethulas · 14/02/2025 21:31

I would have a section if I was in your position. Good luck with whatever you decide x

PancakePatty · 14/02/2025 21:34

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and all you have been through.
I had an elective section almost 2 years ago now for the birth of my son. He was an ivf baby and I had suffered from infertility for 10 years before I finally became pregnant.
I was terrified to give birth naturally, I wasn’t worried about the pain or labour itself. I was worried that something would go wrong during labour and I would lose my baby who I had waited 10 years for. I knew that this was my one & only chance of having a baby.
I discussed at my first midwife appointment that I wanted (needed!) a c section. I was supported in my choice every step of the way by midwives, consultants & doctors.
I don’t regret my choice, my baby was delivered safely and all is well.
I recovered well from my c section and would have another if I was able to have another baby.