Page 2 | C-section versus vaginal delivery - help me make a choice

VividDaydream · 2025-02-14T19:56:45+00:00

I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant and will be discussing birth options with my consultant for the first time in about a month. We had a full term stillbirth 1,5 years ago. She passed in my belly and I gave birth to her vaginally in about 14 hours. She was born 11.5 pounds. Investigations haven't found a genetic cause for the stillbirth. I had an epidural. The second stage of labour went really fast with fast pushing and I had a 3rd degree tear that took forever to heal (a peri anal ultrasound showed I still have a bit of damage to my external anal sphincter). Also everlasting fissures and discomfort. Obviously what's most important to me it's getting my baby out safely. Still , the idea of giving birth frightens me. I'm worried about bleeding out with a c-section. And they say vaginal birth is better for the baby's microbiome and lungs. The urogyn at my 12 week checkup after my stillbirth advised my to have another vaginal birth with a next birth. But vaginal birth I'm worried about my pelvic floor, more pain and damage to my perineum and bumhole (even though the urogyn told me the risk is small). I'm also afraid my baby would get stuck. I wonder if I'll just go crazy halfway throughout labour if it reminds me too much of last time. To be honest I'm still experiencing some level of PTSD even though it's been 1.5 years. This pregnancy is extremely stressful for me because I'm worried about both my and baby's health considering I had such bad luck with my last birth. I'm trying to write and describe my situation as clearly as possible so I hope you understand why it is such a hard decision for me. I'm really struggling...

middleagedandinarage · 14/02/2025 21:40

I am so sorry for your loss. I am generally very pro natural/vaginal let nature take it's course but in your circumstances I would be having a section.

TheSilentSister · 14/02/2025 21:50

You want a healthy baby yes? Go for an elective C-section.
I did and it was the most positive experience ever. My DH filmed the birth, it was awesome.
I had no choice but glad it wasn't an emergency c section so avoid that at all costs.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 14/02/2025 21:57

My third birth was a planned c section, it was actually the most straightforward of them. I felt calm and relaxed and the whole procedure is over very quickly, the baby is out very soon and the rest of the time is spent stitching up the wound.
Good luck with your decision.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 14/02/2025 21:58

Sorry for your loss.

i am pro informed choice
In your shoes i would 💯 want an elective . They are planned, controlled, as predictable as birth can be and should anything go awry you are already surronded by an experienced specialist team who are ready to go.

I have had 2 electives and they were really calm positive experiences with no birth injuries. I feel confident i got the best health outcome / made the right choice as i felt strongly i would have experienced complications / injury from natural birth due to my build / age / health / baby size

I feel sometime women post these things because there is stigma around elcs and they not exactly "need permission" but want validation its okay and they arent just "too posh too push"

ADHDHDHDHD · 14/02/2025 22:02

Oh bless you that's so sad and traumatic for you.
All in all I'd go for the c section in your shoes.

fashionqueen0123 · 14/02/2025 22:02

Re the worries about the microbiome - if you you breastfeed then this will make up for that side of things if you have a section :)

Original poster

VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 22:10

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 14/02/2025 21:58

Sorry for your loss.

i am pro informed choice
In your shoes i would 💯 want an elective . They are planned, controlled, as predictable as birth can be and should anything go awry you are already surronded by an experienced specialist team who are ready to go.

I have had 2 electives and they were really calm positive experiences with no birth injuries. I feel confident i got the best health outcome / made the right choice as i felt strongly i would have experienced complications / injury from natural birth due to my build / age / health / baby size

I feel sometime women post these things because there is stigma around elcs and they not exactly "need permission" but want validation its okay and they arent just "too posh too push"

Edited

Thanks!

It's mainly the words of my urogyn in the back of my mind. She recommends a vaginal delivery because the morbidity of a planned c-section does not outweigh the risk of another bad tear according to her...
I think that's what's been keeping me on the fence

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Original poster

VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 22:36

MaggieBsBoat · 14/02/2025 20:07

I am sorry for your loss @VividDaydream and all that you’ve gone through in addition. In your situation I would absolutely choose a section. Your baby will be out, in your arms quickly. And your abdominal healing will be as nothing in comparison to the damage you suffered last time. Plus, more importantly you won’t be labouring with the additional stress of worrying about your baby. It’s a no-brainer for me. I wish you all the best

Thank you so much.

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Original poster

VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 22:42

coldscottishmum · 14/02/2025 20:27

You will not miss anything at all by having a c-section and it may be triggering for you to have a vaginal birth again - if you feel it may be a planned c-section may be your best option. So sorry for the loss of your baby. I also had birth injuries from 2 natural births which took forever to recover from. My lovely friend chose a planned c-section and she said it was so relaxed and because it was planned it eased her worries. I’m pregnant with final DC3 and wondering if a c-section is an option for me too due to previous injuries. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and labour op - wishing you all the best whatever you decide x

That's really hopeful ❤️

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TuesdayRubies · 14/02/2025 22:43

Have a C section. Statistically slightly safer for baby.

And I'm so, so sorry for your loss

Original poster

VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 22:43

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 14/02/2025 20:53

I am so sorry for your loss. My personal choice (after a traumatic vaginal birth - where thankfully we survived , so I’m not comparing it to your level of trauma) would be planned c-section. I had an elective for my second as I was just terrified to try vaginal again. It was a wonderful, relaxed, controlled experience that was so far removed from my first. I got to put my baby straight to my skin while they stitched me up and we spent the rest of the day on the ward establishing feeding and recovering. I wasn’t nearly as tired as I hadn’t laboured for days. My wound healed beautifully and I was up and about and able to take care of baby within a day. It was altogether a different and healing experience.

I am so much hoping that whatever you decide, it’s the right choice for you and you have your little one safely in your arms.

edited to correct typos

Edited

That's so great to read. I'm so glad it all worked out so well with your section

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LemonViewer · 14/02/2025 23:39

(Trigger warning - baby loss)

I am so sorry for your loss. Ultimately it's your decision but in your position I would opt for planned C section. I can't imagine what you have been through but thought I'd share my story just in case it helps in your decision to hear other experiences. My first baby almost died during vaginal labour. He was losing oxygen and was stuck, I was too progressed for emergency c section as it had happened very quickly and they were short staffed. It's been 7 years and I still have PTSD about those moments. I know I am so lucky that it turned out ok and I am so sorry for what happened to you and all the other mums that have been through similar.

When trying for our second baby I sadly lost 3 babies in a row. All three were consecutive silent miscarriages, each time only discovered at a first trimester scan. I also had a 4th earlier chemical pregnancy. 5th time lucky and I fell pregnant with our gorgeous rainbow baby. Pregnancy after loss is hard and I spent 9 months anxious every day. I just couldn't face a 'natural' labour. I think I'd have had panic attacks. I had a planned C section, it was smooth and over quickly. They also moved it earlier for me as once I got to 34/35 weeks I was really anxious and I just wanted baby out as quickly as was reasonable and not carrying additional risk. I felt it was safest for baby and my mental health. Recovery was definitely a bit painful and I needed extra help and rest for the first week or two but it was manageable. I think the C section would be much more calm for you after everything you've been through. And give you a bit of a feeling of control. Wishing you a healthy and smooth pregnancy and birth.

fashionqueen0123 · 15/02/2025 07:41

VividDaydream · 14/02/2025 22:10

Thanks!

It's mainly the words of my urogyn in the back of my mind. She recommends a vaginal delivery because the morbidity of a planned c-section does not outweigh the risk of another bad tear according to her...
I think that's what's been keeping me on the fence

Show quote history

When I had a meeting about a vbac the consultant said to me she wished they wouldn’t put risk of death on the papers and said you’re not going to die! Meanwhile the chance of a 3rd degree tear was 1 in 10!

Original poster

VividDaydream · 15/02/2025 09:29

fashionqueen0123 · 15/02/2025 07:41

When I had a meeting about a vbac the consultant said to me she wished they wouldn’t put risk of death on the papers and said you’re not going to die! Meanwhile the chance of a 3rd degree tear was 1 in 10!

Show quote history

Ok. Perhaps it was my consultant's bias or personal preferences then. I noticed they all give such different advice. Makes it pretty difficult sometimes.
You're right 1/10 is not a joke.

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Original poster

VividDaydream · 15/02/2025 09:32

Thank you so so much for all your comments ladies. You helped me a lot. A c-section does sound like the better, calmer option in my case.

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fashionqueen0123 · 15/02/2025 09:33

VividDaydream · 15/02/2025 09:29

Ok. Perhaps it was my consultant's bias or personal preferences then. I noticed they all give such different advice. Makes it pretty difficult sometimes.
You're right 1/10 is not a joke.

Show quote history

Nope not at all. The women I’ve known to have third degree tears took months to recover. I was back to normal after a few weeks with a section. I wasn’t about to risk it!

SnakebitesandSambucas · 15/02/2025 20:10

Hugs first of all. I would never have a vaginal birth as I have severe tokophobia also CPTSD. On top of that multiple losses and severe anxiety. My 2 living children were c-sections both elective. One under GA just because I couldn't get an epidural, other spinal. But they were calm and controlled. Chose the music, I BF well. For me that choice meant I could take the stress and worry of not knowing what, when and interventions. Also on a purely physical pov I would in your case for the risk of incontinence. I am 25 weeks pregnant now miraculously and know I will have a C-section again. Ps I would definitely contact the peri natal team or even your bereavement midwife from last time and talk. SANDS is also a good resource and do groups online and in real life. All the best x

Smallbusi · 15/02/2025 20:18

So sorry for all the trauma you’ve been through and for the loss of your baby 😢 I’ve had two very straightforward amazing C-sections and I could basically sell csections if it was a job title now! I worried about every tiny tiny thing. I watched EVERY video on the internet about C-sections, I read everything I could find, scared myself even more but it was the most textbook experience both times and I’d do it again tomorrow. The only ‘nippy’ bit of the whole thing is getting the cannula in your hand and having the numbing injection in your back. After that they do the spinal when you can’t feel the bigger injection. I told myself I just had to get through that then I could lie back and completely tune out because it was nothing to do with me beyond that, all I had to do was lie there and it would happen…and it did! 🥰

It means you’re going to have a very different experience and it hopefully means you will walk away looking at it positively rather than feeling like you were reminded of your first experience of birth. It also sounds like you might have a big baby so a csection may be recommended by the end.

Smallbusi · 15/02/2025 20:22

SnakebitesandSambucas · 15/02/2025 20:10

Hugs first of all. I would never have a vaginal birth as I have severe tokophobia also CPTSD. On top of that multiple losses and severe anxiety. My 2 living children were c-sections both elective. One under GA just because I couldn't get an epidural, other spinal. But they were calm and controlled. Chose the music, I BF well. For me that choice meant I could take the stress and worry of not knowing what, when and interventions. Also on a purely physical pov I would in your case for the risk of incontinence. I am 25 weeks pregnant now miraculously and know I will have a C-section again. Ps I would definitely contact the peri natal team or even your bereavement midwife from last time and talk. SANDS is also a good resource and do groups online and in real life. All the best x

Aww congratulations! I had/have tokophobia too and it fully consumes your life in that period when you want to have a baby. So lovely to hear you’ve chosen to have a third. I would love a third but was slightly warned against it last time due to my scar thinning. They have said I can have checks before deciding on a future pregnancy but I feel like I was already a nervous wreck last time without an added risk thrown in 🤦🏻‍♀️

oustedbymymate · 15/02/2025 20:22

I would 100% recommend ELCS.

I had fourth degree tear massive pph from first vaginal delivery. Took ages to heal still have mild prolapse now.

Second birth was ELCS. So calm minima blood loss amazing recovery even with a toddler in tow also.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Whatever you decide stand firm. You deserve to be supported in your decision.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/02/2025 20:28

DEFO the c section. And I am really so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your other baby, at almost full term. How sad.

Cheepcheepcheep · 15/02/2025 20:34

I’m so sorry for your loss. In your situation I’d go for a CS. I had a traumatic first birth and as a result didn’t hold DC1 for 12 hours after the birth. I needed to know I was having a smooth experience with DC2, the tea and the toast and the cuddles and I got it. Recovery from the CS was no walk in the park but tbh it was no more challenging than DC1’s birth.

If I were ever to go for DC3 (v unlikely!) I would consider a VBAC but I needed that healing and it sounds like you do too.

I found it really hard that they didn’t separate the CS risk from EMCS stuff - nicking the baby etc - and while I understand it, a cyclical part of me wondered if it was to try and keep costs down for the NHS.

Wishing you all the best.

BlueRothko · 15/02/2025 20:37

So very sorry for your loss. I would 100% go for a planned C-section. My DD was born by emergency C-section and is fine. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

VictoriaMum323 · 15/02/2025 20:42

@VividDaydream im so sorry. You’re very strong. I have had elective c sections and they’ve gone really well each time. Quick recovery no issues. I don’t know what all the hype is about re natural birth. They’re quite often not natural in the end with all the additional cutting that’s needed. Best of luck and wishes xox

MissCaptain · 15/02/2025 21:04

PinkPandaShoes · 14/02/2025 21:01

I think another vaginal birth could be incredibly healing emotionally. Birth is a very powerful thing.

So sorry for your loss x

Birth IS a very powerful thing. The mode is irrelevant. It is still the birth of a baby. I’ve had three elective CS for medical reasons. Do I feel less connected to, less in love with and less loved by my children because they weren’t vaginal births? No. Of course I don’t.