C-section versus vaginal delivery - help me make a choice

[VividDaydream]

I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant and will be discussing birth options with my consultant for the first time in about a month.
We had a full term stillbirth 1,5 years ago. She passed in my belly and I gave birth to her vaginally in about 14 hours. She was born 11.5 pounds. Investigations haven't found a genetic cause for the stillbirth.
I had an epidural. The second stage of labour went really fast with fast pushing and I had a 3rd degree tear that took forever to heal (a peri anal ultrasound showed I still have a bit of damage to my external anal sphincter). Also everlasting fissures and discomfort.

Obviously what's most important to me it's getting my baby out safely. Still , the idea of giving birth frightens me. I'm worried about bleeding out with a c-section. And they say vaginal birth is better for the baby's microbiome and lungs. The urogyn at my 12 week checkup after my stillbirth advised my to have another vaginal birth with a next birth. But vaginal birth I'm worried about my pelvic floor, more pain and damage to my perineum and bumhole (even though the urogyn told me the risk is small). I'm also afraid my baby would get stuck. I wonder if I'll just go crazy halfway throughout labour if it reminds me too much of last time. To be honest I'm still experiencing some level of PTSD even though it's been 1.5 years. This pregnancy is extremely stressful for me because I'm worried about both my and baby's health considering I had such bad luck with my last birth.

I'm trying to write and describe my situation as clearly as possible so I hope you understand why it is such a hard decision for me. I'm really struggling...

@LemonViewer how early were they prepared to move your elective section?

I'm in a similar position, terrible trauma during this pregnancy due to an incompatible with life diagnosis for one twin and I'm absolutely terrified something is going to happen to our healthy twin before delivery. I just want her out safely as soon as possible, within reason.

So sorry for what you went through

In your situation I would go for a c-section x

I’ve had 2 undisturbed home births. I’d be surprised if either of us could fully understand the other’s birth experience. To be blunt you don’t know what you’re missing and neither do I!

As you say the birth of a child is a very special thing.

None of this is really relevant OP. I hope the rest of her pregnancy goes smoothly and that she gets the kind of birth she chooses whatever that might be.

I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been. ♥️

I would go for a c section. Chances of anything going wrong for you or baby are incredibly small. I chose a c section because of miscarriages - wanting to get baby here safely. As well as worrying about all the things that could happen during a vaginal birth. A planned c section is a really calm, good experience.

all the stuff about the micro biome is just theoretical btw - some people go around talking about it as though it’s a fact but it isn’t, it’s just a theory. It may well become more well researched in the future but even if it does, is it that important compared to the potential trauma of another vaginal birth? I was born via c section, so we’re my two children and a lot of other children I know and none of them have allergies or health problems.

also with the lungs thing - again, it’s over egged. both my babies came out screaming and didn’t need any help clearing their lungs, and both times the midwife has reassured me that if they do need any help it’s usually literally just a couple of puffs of oxygen.

good luck and I hope you have a happy experience this time

She’s definitely biased - c sections are extremely safe. Planned c sections when there is no medical reason are statistically Safer for baby and you x

I’m sorry about your loss OP.

what do you want? I would have a section I think probably but what do you truly want?