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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Staying alone at the hospital

59 replies

CartoBarto · 20/01/2023 12:17

I don't know why I never heard of this, but apparently my partner can't stay overnight with me after I have a c section? Looking into this I've read many accounts from women who had to stay overnight at the hospital with their baby and the vast majority said it was extremely difficult, especially when recovering from c section. Have any of you gone through something like this? How did it go for you? Thank you for your replies!

OP posts:
Skinnermarink · 20/01/2023 12:18

I was on my own, and I didn’t find it difficult, honestly I would have found it harder with a load of blokes hanging around and snoring etc. No one got much sleep though anyway, there’s always a baby crying.

SBAM · 20/01/2023 12:20

I did and it was fine. I had my catheter in overnight so didn’t have to get up for the loo. I made sure I had nappies/wipes/phone charger/water bottle/spare outfit and a muslin for baby out of my bag and on the side where I could reach before my visitors left. The nurses came when I pressed the bell to get baby out of the cot or help with anything else.

Skinnermarink · 20/01/2023 12:21

I had an ELCS by the way, I’m not sure if that made the difference in coping well because I wasn’t exhausted.

NerrSnerr · 20/01/2023 12:21

I stayed on my own after both C sections and it was fine. I was physically unwell after my first and the midwives helped feed and change baby. The second was uncomplicated and it was no problem doing it myself.

If men stay over that increases the noise for others. Also nice to give postpartum mothers some privacy when trying to sleep.

name985 · 20/01/2023 12:22

It's not an option for a partner to stay in the hospital I had section in. Limited visiting hours. It's not an enjoyable experience but it's fine.

You'll be up and moving 6 hours ish after.

herbaltea21 · 20/01/2023 12:22

With my eldest I had to stay in hospital 5 nights as he had an infection.
With my second, who went into intensive care, I was in a week.
(Turns out I have strep B but that's a whole other conversation!!).
I was on my own and I was thankful for it. Use that time to rest and recover. This is probably the biggest thing your body will ever do, that time so for you too.
The midwives will help you with whatever you need.
Don't worry, it's very common. I've actually never known anyone's partner be allowed to stay overnight!

Orangesare · 20/01/2023 12:22

It’s fine on your own overnight. Just think if you have your bloke, everyone else will have theirs and that leads to a noisy ward and no privacy.
The electric beds make getting up and down easy and without loads of visitors the staff have time to help

7Worfs · 20/01/2023 12:22

Hi OP, after my EMCS with DC1 my husband was allowed to stay, but that was pre-Covid.

After my ELCS with DC2 I had to be alone anyway as no childcare. I just buzzed the midwives for help until the caterer was out and I was able to stand. They know you’ll be immobile for 12-24h post-surgery so will help.

euff · 20/01/2023 12:26

I did. I've no idea what the rules were but DH was tired and had a headache so went home. ConfusedIf I could have moved easily I would have been tempted to smother the husband opposite. He didn't stop talking including nagging his wife to put her bra on to keep things from sagging. We were a bay of 8 I think all c section. Apart from that couple everyone else was quiet all night including the babies except mine. Mine was crying her little lungs out and it felt like it took an eternity to wiggle out of the bed and pick her up and manoeuvre myself back in. May not have been just due to c section but was overweight topped off with swollen. Aside from that it was fine.

Whattodotomorrow · 20/01/2023 12:28

My overriding memory of being in hospital overnight after a c-section was listening to everyone else's partners snoring away keeping me awake!

Eastereggsboxedupready · 20/01/2023 12:28

It's a hospital not a Travelodge....

Porridgeislife · 20/01/2023 12:28

I had an ELCS earlier this year. My husband could stay but he would have had to sleep in a chair, the hospital insisted that he was “locked in” between 8pm and 8am and on the balance I decided he was better off getting a decent sleep.

Before he left I got him to spread out everything I needed - nappies, changing mat, phone charger, snacks etc within arms reach. I still had my catheter in overnight but I could move around slowly. I mostly kept baby in bed with me but it definitely wasn’t too tricky to get her in and out of the cot.

cadink · 20/01/2023 12:29

You'll be fine, yes that's correct.

Porridgeislife · 20/01/2023 12:31

Also, it’s not uncommon for babies to sleep the first night as they’re totally knackered after birth. Mine slept 7 hours straight - I kept asking the midwife if there was something wrong with her!

Porridgeislife · 20/01/2023 12:31

(7 months on she doesn’t sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch 😂)

fastandthecurious1 · 20/01/2023 12:32

I was extremely lucky and out city hospital was trialling allowing partners to stay with new mothers after birth, my and kiddo were both I'll and were kept in 7 days, 2 on a ward and 5 in a side room and he stayed the entire time.
As a new mum and being rather I'll I would of been lost without him so I was so grateful.

Many staff didn't want him / other partners there and it showed but others were lively

JenniferBarkley · 20/01/2023 12:32

I've done it twice.

The first time the midwife said we were to buzz to get the babies in and out of the cots - the staff came every time and were lovely about it.

The second time was during covid and DH was only allowed in for an hour a day (and the previous week he wouldn't have been allowed in at all). Again, it was fine - the first night wasn't exactly the best night of my life but it was fine. Once I was up and about it got easier and once the catheter was out I felt 1000% more normal.

CatNamedBob · 20/01/2023 12:35

I was alone overnight, it was fine. Electric bed so I could sit up, cot right next to the bed so I could get baby easily, and buzzed the midwives if I needed anything

thestealthwee · 20/01/2023 12:36

I don't know anyone who had their partner their overnight - I had twins - completely fine - and I don't agree partners should be there anyway

Isthisexpected · 20/01/2023 12:39

It varies between Trusts and with Covid I imagine there are places that have kept a no partners rule in place where there wasn't one before.

You're not wrong, the care and support you need and receive are totally dependent on factors outside of your control such as how short staffed the ward is, how compassionate or burnout the staff are, how much pain you are in/physical state, how traumatised you feel about what you go through, how well or poorly your baby is, how well baby sleeps and feeds etc.

It's a very anxiety provoking time but hopefully all will go smoothly and you'll be home after one night. PP is right it's often the second night of baby's fourth trimester that all hell breaks loose and they're in shock from labour and sleep well first night! My advice is to highlight any concerns as soon as they arise if the care is substandard. You can also get your husband to phone and liaise with the nurse in charge and PALS if you're unable to advocate for yourself during your stay.

Flittingaboutagain · 20/01/2023 12:42

I have watched people recovering from c-sections being told they just have to manage because the midwives are short staffed and in those cases the mums were often crying and needing physical care or help to tend to baby that a partner could have done..so it's all well and good saying no partners but they need the staff to do hands on care then!

Lkydfju · 20/01/2023 12:44

I found it to be fine; DH had to go before I was mobile and he made sure I had everything I needed on the table next to me and I was able to get my baby out of the cot, I had to ring for help to get him back in but that wasn’t an issue. He came back first thing and then I had help.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 20/01/2023 12:49

I was unfortunate enough to be on a ward where men were allowed to stay overnight and it was horrible.

Didn't get a minutes sleep because of all the chatting, playing crap on their phones, wandering around.

Labour isn't the most dignified process but the utter lack of privacy and dignity was compounded when the nurses would throw open the curtains round the bed suddenly and I was exposed topless and trying to learn how to breastfeed to several men I didn't know.

Or when I had to shuffle to the toilet holding my newborn with blood streaming down my legs past more men I didn't know hanging around the ward.

In private side rooms fine, but on shared wards I think the only reasonable option is for men to leave at the end of visiting hours.

saraclara · 20/01/2023 12:49

Mercifully I had my Caesarians before the trend for partners staying over, came in! I can't think of anything worse than having twice the number of people talking/snoring in the bay when I'm desperate for sleep.

I was absolutely fine. I can't think of any upside to having a partner stay overnight., that isn't outweighed by the downside of other people's partners staying!

SunshineAndFizz · 20/01/2023 12:57

Our hospital doesn't allow partners overnight. Was totally fine. Buzz for the midwife anytime (ours were lovely). First night you'll probably spend most of it in bed anyway, just need them to pass you the baby/put it down for you when feeding.