Page 2 | Staying alone at the hospital

CartoBarto · 2023-01-20T12:17:21+00:00

I don't know why I never heard of this, but apparently my partner can't stay overnight with me after I have a c section? Looking into this I've read many accounts from women who had to stay overnight at the hospital with their baby and the vast majority said it was extremely difficult, especially when recovering from c section. Have any of you gone through something like this? How did it go for you? Thank you for your replies!

qpmz · 20/01/2023 14:02

Put it this way, do you want other people's husbands roaming around at night in their boxers farting while you're trying to breastfeed?

You will be fine, most midwives are lovely and will help with anything. You'll have a catheter so won't even need to get out of bed to use the loo!

RedPandaFluff · 20/01/2023 15:45

I was told DH wasn't allowed to stay overnight when I had an emergency c-section. I was also told very firmly not to lift the baby, that I was to call if I needed someone.

Fine - DH went home bang-on 8pm.

However, they were incredibly busy and although I called for someone, no-one came. So I ended up having to almost get out of bed (catheterised) and lift the baby repeatedly during the night. I was also trying to clean myself up as I was left lying on a bloody pad for hours. Oh and it took five hours to get someone to give me paracetamol too.

It was a nightmare and in view of the fact that a couple of partners did stay, supposedly against the rules, and presumably because they could see their partners needed them, I wouldn't meekly send DH home again. I was just so shell-shocked at the time, though.

My advice would be, if the ward is really busy, and you find they're not responsive to the call button, get your DP to stay as long as he can to help you.

Overthebow · 20/01/2023 15:51

I didn’t have a c section but had to stay in for a couple of nights after birth during covid and my DH couldn’t visit at all even in the day. It’s hard, especially when the midwives are too busy to help, and I didn’t sleep and wasn’t able to shower as no one to watch my baby, but you just get on with it don’t you. What’s the alternative, everyone’s partners there overnight in a small ward?

BambiEll · 20/01/2023 16:04

My DH was allowed to stay after my EMCS and honestly I wouldn't of been able to cope without him.

After a long 4 day labour and being rushed to theatre I needed the emotional and physical support from DH.
Each women had their DH stay and there was zero issues with snoring etc

amylou8 · 20/01/2023 16:05

It's many years since I had mine, and thankfully it was visiting hours only for dads. I can't imagine anything worse than a random man all night a few away separated by only a curtain while I was trying to recover from giving birth.

BambiEll · 20/01/2023 16:07

And everyone saying men roaming round in boxers whist your are breastfeeding is ridiculous.
Every man there was respectful and everyone had their curtains closed I didn't see another man once.
The men had a separate toilet and bathroom so there was no crossover

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 20/01/2023 16:08

Its fine,you just have to buzz for a mifwife every time you want to pick up/put fown baby in the cot thing after a c section as you aren't supposed to lift them

Make sure your partner leaves everything you neef within easy reach of bed as you'll have a catheter in so won't be able to get out of bed easily.

I have a plqnned c section and first night was lovely as i wasn't tired, watched aome tv on my phone and ate chocolate out of the vending machine!

SpinningFloppa · 20/01/2023 16:10

Yes I did it alone didn’t have a choice as didn’t have a partner, it was fine, midwives helped the only thing that was horrible was being the only one on the ward who didn’t have a partner that was the hardest part but that won’t apply in your case

MolesOnPoles · 20/01/2023 16:11

DH stayed after I had a C section in 2019. He was useful (ish), but men on the ward did make it loud and I stressed about a lack of privacy. I didn’t see an men wandering in their boxers, but one did open my curtains (accidentally) while I was changing.

Three nights sleeping on a chair also meant DH was knackered by the time we got home and I really needed him.

Im having another one in May, and he’s keen to stay with me again. I’m rather hoping he’s not allowed.

jess0902 · 20/01/2023 16:18

Exactly the same experience I had. There were only 2 midwives on the ward and I was waiting up to 2 hours for someone to answer the buzzer and then normally that was a HCA who wasn’t able to clean me up or help with getting baby to latch on properly. In the end I stayed awake all night with baby in bed with me just incase she needed feeding or nappy change.

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 20/01/2023 16:23

12 years ago it wasn't an option. I was in for 2 nights and both nights the maternity nurse took the baby to the nursery and it was great.

rebecca100 · 20/01/2023 16:31

My hospital allow partners to stay all night for the duration of our stay on the ward, although only offer an armchair, no bed. I don't think I will want him to stay though 🤣🤣

PinkPlantCase · 20/01/2023 16:31

I find the idea of being on the ward without DH really scary.

I was lucky enough to have a home birth with my first DC, DH did so much afterwards. For the first few days the only things I did were feed the baby, contact nap, go to the toilet and shower, maybe move to the sofa. He took care of literally everything else.

I really don’t like hospitals though so am probably more worried about this than other people!

BrendaDraper · 20/01/2023 16:33

You'll be fine. I struggled on my own with my twins when they were born by section but I had a 2 year old at home who needed her dad with her so that's the way it was but I was glad to get home. One of the nurses huffily asked me where my husband was when I pressed the buzzer for help when they were both crying at the same time.

PurBal · 20/01/2023 16:36

I hated it. Not because DH couldn’t stay but because you’re woken up by other mothers and babies constantly. I didn’t have a c section but did have a catheter and the staff refused to empty it, I was made to do it myself which I struggled with because it was so uncomfortable, I had to walk bow legged to a loo with the bag dangling between my legs. I do think those who had a section received better care though.

Porridgeislife · 20/01/2023 18:38

BambiEll · 20/01/2023 16:07

And everyone saying men roaming round in boxers whist your are breastfeeding is ridiculous.
Every man there was respectful and everyone had their curtains closed I didn't see another man once.
The men had a separate toilet and bathroom so there was no crossover

We had a domestic violence incident on our 4 bed ward so no, not all men are respectful. The “dad” turned up 5 days after his baby had been born and his first action was to pin his partner to the wall against my curtains whilst shouting in her face.

We were due to be discharged that day anyway but we hurried things along at that point, I was so glad he hadn’t stayed over the previous night.

Thinkbiglittleone · 20/01/2023 19:04

I think it also depends on your hospital and how good the nursing staff were.

2 of my friends had C sections and their DH had to leave. Both struggled as the staff were so stretched and they would be left longer than ideal for assistance whilst they couldn't tend to their new baby properly.
Is there an option to pay to have a room and see if your DH can stay then?

louise5754 · 20/01/2023 19:11

Oh god I wouldn't want to be on a ward full of men.

louise5754 · 20/01/2023 19:12

Also had a section

name985 · 20/01/2023 21:31

I'm really surprised people were told not to lift baby or buzzed to have the baby passed to them. I've had two sections and both times me (and all the others in ward) were responsible for all baby care overnight. I had catheter in overnight but still was walking and in and out of bed after 6 hours.

Must vary massively between hospitals.

PinkPlantCase · 20/01/2023 22:32

name985 · 20/01/2023 21:31

I'm really surprised people were told not to lift baby or buzzed to have the baby passed to them. I've had two sections and both times me (and all the others in ward) were responsible for all baby care overnight. I had catheter in overnight but still was walking and in and out of bed after 6 hours.

Must vary massively between hospitals.

I imagine it more comes down to how well different women feel after the c-section.

louise5754 · 20/01/2023 22:33

name985 · 20/01/2023 21:31

I'm really surprised people were told not to lift baby or buzzed to have the baby passed to them. I've had two sections and both times me (and all the others in ward) were responsible for all baby care overnight. I had catheter in overnight but still was walking and in and out of bed after 6 hours.

Must vary massively between hospitals.

Same. No one came to me during the night and my baby screamed. C section. Catheter. Drip. It was awful.

Such a shame how it differs.

Skinnermarink · 21/01/2023 08:00

I picked up my baby once and held on to him, so he wasn’t one of the ones who was crying. I was struggling to establish any feeding and they helped where they could but I was keen to get out ASAP. The ward was red hot and I couldn’t bear it.

SillyBry · 24/01/2023 13:11

When I had my first it was pre Covid, partners could stay... but they literally could sit in a chair or top and tail on a single hospital bed. In all honesty, better to send them home so they can get a full night's sleep and rest ready to help the next day. One of you may as well sleep.
Second time, I was evicted home after 3 hours so no decision to be made. But I've had a couple of hospital stays during Covid and not even been allowed visitors on the ward. It's a bit rubbish, but you cope :-)

Blendandmix · 24/01/2023 13:23

I had an unplanned c section last year. Tbh my husband is such an anxious person he wouldn't have slept a wink- it's in a chair so not comfortable anyway but he would have been watching our daughter and making sure we were okay all night. It was better he went home to try and get some rest to look after us both.

It's silly that they're not allowed to stay tho because every time my daughter cried I would press the buzzer as I couldn't reach her and they would take ages to come. It's because they're short staffed but that's why it would make sense but I guess other people might feel uncomfortable