Living with birth regrets

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I was pressured to have an induction because I was late term, 42 weeks. Late term runs in my family. I really wish I hadn't had an induction - so glad my baby boy is here (born in September) but the birth was horrible. Not what I had in my mind with all my hypnobirthing practice.

Multiple attempts to get balloon in (all while bawling and only offered gas and air on attempt 4). 4 attempts to break waters. Was too frightened to carry on so I had an epidural. Then the drip for 15 hours. Drip raised his heart rate too much so ended up with forceps delivery and episiotomy, very painful to recover from.

Finally he came out, with loads of scratches all over his head from attempting to break waters and giant bruises and cuts all over his face from forceps. I've felt so horribly guilty about it ever since. It was honestly traumatic.

I never got that endorphin high when he came out at all. Didn't feel rush of love (I know lots of mothers don't). Love him lots now. Worst thing is my Labour had started anyway the night before induction but I was told to have my induction anyway.

Anyone else have birth regrets? How did you get through it?

Hey! First time poster 🙃 I just wondered if anyone can relate, I chose to give birth to my first son via planned c section as he was measuring big and there was a worry of shoulder dystocia. I had gallstones whilst pregnant (I had attacks every two weeks where I thought I was dying but told it was heartburn) subsequently had them taken out 3 months pp and then had sepsis 7 months pp.

Flash forward 3 years I chose to have another elective for DS2. It was a wonderful positive birth and I loved it but I can’t shake the feeling I made a mistake? I feel like I’m grieving a birth I never had, I’ve never felt a contraction but ultimately all is well so why am I crying everyday? I feel like I chose an elective section with no medical reason but ultimately it was down to health anxiety? I just feel like I can’t remember why I made the decision.

Rambled on a bit but curious if anyone can relate at all.