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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I haven't done a birth plan and don't intend to... am I strange?

71 replies

Haylstones · 01/02/2008 15:07

I'm due in just over 3 weeks and tbh have spent more time worrying about getting everything ready at home and getting back up plans in place for dd when I am in hospital. With dd I had a very specific birth plan (including being as natural as possible on the birth unit but ended up on delivery suite with epidural and ventouse) that nobody even asked about. It certainly wasn't the birth I'd planned and I was slightly upset about this as I felt like I could have tried harder but the main thing was that I attempted it, it didn't work but dd was healthy and happy. I had no complaints about the mws/doctors.
This time I haven't thought about it much- I suppose I'd prefer to try the birth unit again (MW led) again but I'm not too bothered about it-if I don't make any plans then I can relax and whatever happens will happen and I can't be disappointed. Dh will back up whatever I decide (whether now or on the day ) but the advice from everywhere is to have a birth plan! I guess I will see how I feel when I go into labour and decide as it progresses. I'm not ruling anything out or in apart from not wanting pethidine. Am I mad?

(Is very strange actually as I am a total control freak normally and my first birth plan was extremely detailed. I have had my bag packed for weeks, including a special purse with change for the phone in it and new toiletries- that's why it feels strange!

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niceglasses · 01/02/2008 15:09

I never did any with any of my 3. Don't see the point. How can you plan for something when you haven't got a clue how it will go?

I just said - no epidurals if I can get away with it.

Sunshinemummy · 01/02/2008 15:10

I didn't have a birth plan with DS. I had some ideas but just decided to go with the flow. I'm glad I did as I ended up with all manner of interventions and might have been unhappy if I'd set my heart on a specific scenario.

Jackstini · 01/02/2008 15:12

If you don't want pethadine but everything else as it comes - that is your birth plan!
However relaxed it is, it is still what you want.
What about things after the actual birth like:
Does dh want to cut cord?
Do you want dh to tell you the sex of the baby?
Is it important you have music on?
Do you want skin to skin contact asap?
These can go in your plan too
Congrats and good luck btw; Will keep an eye out for your birth story!

tigana · 01/02/2008 15:12

Not strange.
My 'plan' said something along the lines of - "would like to avoid intervention/drugs unless I really have to".

I had every intevention/drug going. Because I had to .

I do think if there is a next time I will be more vocal ( beacsue I will be more informed) and will want to try to be more mobile etc. But not sure writing it down will help much!

LilianGish · 01/02/2008 15:13

No I didn't have one for either of mine. I took the approach that I had no idea what I was doing and that the midwives, who had seen hundreds of births probably had a much better idea than me what would work best. I went with the flow was very relaxed and had two fantastic births. I too am usually total control freak - I think I just recognised that this was one situation where I couldn't be in control.

2sugars · 01/02/2008 15:13

No, I didn't either. I had a few vague ideas with dd1 but it all went tits up with dd2 anyway. Nothing written down.

yummylittlelapin · 01/02/2008 15:14

Why do you not want pethidine? Just curious because "No pethidine!" was the extent of my birth plan (my midwife said to me "generally the baby has his or her own birth plan, love" )

I didn't want it because people had told me it made them vomit - so I said "no" to the doc and explained why, and they gave me an anti-emetic as well.

Did bugger all though!

Rochwen · 01/02/2008 15:16

I didn't have a birth plan either. My plan was to be open-minded as I know you can't plan a birth.

The birth itself doesn't matter, all that is important is that mum and baby come out of it alive and well.

Original poster

Haylstones · 01/02/2008 15:17

Thanks. That's how unplanned I am, I have no idea if dhw ants to cut the cord (wasn't able to last time) and I don't mind if he does/doesn't
We know the sex already
Don't care about music/background noise

Actually, skin to skin is something important to me but I hadn't thought about it first time and dd was still handed to me straight away and latched on [nostaliga] so I suppose I must have just assumed that would happen to me again.
I don't have to write this down, surely? If I just say to dh 'do what you want re cutting the cord, no pethidine and skin to skin straight away' does that count as a birth plan?

OP posts:

Flibbertyjibbet · 01/02/2008 15:20

I didn't do a birth plan either time as I just felt that I'd go with the flow which on the day was a good thing as it was all a bit traumatic and nothing like I could have planned for.
Does anyone put 'arrive at hospital too late for pain relief, find baby in distress, have only gas and air during transition and then a ventouse delivery after they've taken the gas and air thingy away'??? No, I didn't think so!
2nd time it didn't occur to me to do a birth plan which was just as well that time too...
But at least I wasn't disappointed that I hadn't followed a birth plan!

I think doing a birth plan is a first time mum thing written by pregnant ladies who in their blissfull ignorance think its all going to be 'text book' and that they will be able to control the proceedings! And who have no idea how much it bloody hurts!

Original poster

Haylstones · 01/02/2008 15:22

Pethidine really spaced me out last time and I worry about the effect on the baby so would rather avoid it if possible. Am open to all other forms of opain relief though! (Hated TENS though#)

OP posts:

Rochwen · 01/02/2008 15:22

'Funnily' enough I always knew that i would never have a straight-forward birth. I just could never imagine me giving birth myself.

As it was, my dd was born 6 weeks prematurely by urgent c/s as she was breech. (She was in perfect postition throughout the whole of the pregnancy and then one night turned herself breech and in the process broke her waters.) I listened to the experts, went with the flow and felt confident. At no point did I ever feel panicked or dissappointed. Despite the cirumstances I would even say that I had a very good birth.

Had I made a 'I want a cosy waterbirth without intervention with Sting music, dimmed lighting and aromatherapy light birth' type of birth plan I would have been hell of a dissappointed, lol.

tyaca · 01/02/2008 15:23

haystones, i'm due three weeks tomo and i too have nowt written in the birthplan bit of my notes. my MW keeps making noises about us doing one - but i cant help wondering what on earth i'd write. quick an' easy??

the only thing i know for certain is DH def not cutting the cord. we're in a building full of experts in body tissue and its manipulation - why get the one guy who has no clue to do it??

Botbot · 01/02/2008 15:24

I did a very detailed birth plan and it never came out of my hospital bag. Wouldn't bother again.

bethoo · 01/02/2008 15:24

when i got to hospital the midwives did not even ask about a birth plan!!! also i had wanted a water birth but then i was not allowed due ot having to be monitored. i will just go with the flow this time round!!

MrsMattie · 01/02/2008 15:25

No you're are not strange. After my first birth plan went completely tits up, I will never again bother with one. Play it by ear, that's my motto. Oh, and never say never!

BigBadMouse · 01/02/2008 15:39

I didn't have a birth plan for my first two and won't with this one either - don't see how you can plan for that sort of thing really, every birth is different and you have no idea whoat might crop up or how you will feel at the time.

BeachBunni · 01/02/2008 15:40

Nope, I never made a birth plan either and glad I didn't as it would have been a waste of time and paper. Ended up having a scan, finding out things weren't as they should be and having a ceasarian 3 hours later. Not what I'd envisaged at all.

Original poster

Haylstones · 01/02/2008 15:40

Right, I offically don't have a birth plan and am proud of it
think dh is most surprised, he presumably expected a massive list of dos and don'ts!
Glad I'm not the only one to 'go with the flow' (Sounds much better than unplanned)

OP posts:

MuffinMclay · 02/02/2008 10:23

No birth plan last time, certainly none this time. Not my kind of thing at all, and you don't know how it will go until happens.

franke · 02/02/2008 10:32

I didn't have a birthplan as such second time around BUT I made sure dh was absolutely clear about certain stuff so that he could back me up eg no cannula until necessary, no episiotomy etc. I'm really glad I did this because it meant I only had to say "no" once then dh had to have the discussion with the midwife/doc (and reiterate "no" several more times) whilst I got on with the business of birthing ds in peace.

FlameNFurter · 02/02/2008 10:36

No birth plan with either of mine - all was fine

alfiesbabe · 02/02/2008 10:37

I didnt do a birth plan with any of mine, but I DID have preferences about how I wanted my first birth - ie midwife unit, no pethidine or epidural. IME the women who have very detailed, prescriptive birth plans because they want to be in control, are the ones who end up having a very different birth. Maybe its coincidence, but the two women at my NCT class who were dead set on home births ended up with the most high tech births imaginable! So I think you're probably best off having an overall idea of the kind of birth you're aiming for, without getting bogged down in the detail.

Smithagain · 02/02/2008 13:03

Second time around, I had a very short birth plan which had details of two specific issues arising from my first birth. I mentioned the extent of tearing (third degree) and asked them to help me do anything I needed to avoid the same thing happening again.

It was well worth writing that down, because there wasn't any time to discuss it once labour started (one hour labour), but they DID read the plan and managed things really well.

So just stick to anything that is REALLY on your mind (like no pethidine) and leave the rest to nature!

Lulumama · 02/02/2008 13:07

you can have a short plan/ preferences.

epsecially if you want something liek a physiological 3rd stage

jot a few notes down, or if not, make sure Dh knows what you want

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