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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I haven't done a birth plan and don't intend to... am I strange?

71 replies

Haylstones · 01/02/2008 15:07

I'm due in just over 3 weeks and tbh have spent more time worrying about getting everything ready at home and getting back up plans in place for dd when I am in hospital. With dd I had a very specific birth plan (including being as natural as possible on the birth unit but ended up on delivery suite with epidural and ventouse) that nobody even asked about. It certainly wasn't the birth I'd planned and I was slightly upset about this as I felt like I could have tried harder but the main thing was that I attempted it, it didn't work but dd was healthy and happy. I had no complaints about the mws/doctors.
This time I haven't thought about it much- I suppose I'd prefer to try the birth unit again (MW led) again but I'm not too bothered about it-if I don't make any plans then I can relax and whatever happens will happen and I can't be disappointed. Dh will back up whatever I decide (whether now or on the day ) but the advice from everywhere is to have a birth plan! I guess I will see how I feel when I go into labour and decide as it progresses. I'm not ruling anything out or in apart from not wanting pethidine. Am I mad?

(Is very strange actually as I am a total control freak normally and my first birth plan was extremely detailed. I have had my bag packed for weeks, including a special purse with change for the phone in it and new toiletries- that's why it feels strange!

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Original poster

Haylstones · 02/02/2008 15:56

Thanks for advice. Spoke to dh last night and he hadn't given it much thought either. I've asked him to think about whether or not he wants to cut the cord and told him no pethidine and skin to skin asap...nothing else sticks out as being overly important to me atm.
Now I just have to wait until baby makes an appearance!

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/02/2008 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lulumama · 02/02/2008 16:36

my door is always open, starlight x

Lulumama · 02/02/2008 16:36

my door is always open, starlight x

Mintpurple · 02/02/2008 17:07

alfiesbabe - I agree with you that the longer the birth plan, the more chance of it all going wrong, and therefore disappointment and possibly feelings of failure.

I think its good to have 'birth preferences' as Klaw phrased it, and if it goes well, then great, but a 'plan' is too rigid.

And if you have a 3 page birth plan, I can guarantee that you will be disappointed about something.

But remember that you can actually just talk to the midwife and tell them at the time that you want such and such, or dont want pethidine or whatever. You are actually allowed to discuss things and decide as you go along Remember that its all about informed consent and nothing should be done to you without a full explaination of the pros and cons. So ask for this! As midwives we will not have to live with the consequences of what we do (unless we totally f**k up) but you will live with them for ther rest of your life, so you need to be happy with what is happening to you, or you will have regrets later.

If you do have a plan, make a few copies to take into hospital, and give a copy to each midwife looking after you, that way they will have to read it.

So, if you have a birth preferences / plan, great, if not, then thats no problem!

SugarSkyHigh · 02/02/2008 17:15

for what it's worth, i gasped to my midwife whilst in labour: "i haven't got a birthplan!" and he said, "don't worry, everyone who does one of those ends up with a C-section"

carmenelectra · 02/02/2008 17:16

Agree with mintpurple that you can always just speak to the midwife on the day!

If you are really adamant that that you do/dont want do something then you wil have the opportunity to say.

Im my experience, when women have lengthy birth plans it often goes horribly wrong!!

With my two babies i had no birth plan written up and im glad i didnt cos you couldnt have planned/predicted how it would go. You must keep an open mind as its never how you have read about in books! The only things i said to my midwife(When she asked) with ds1 was i only wanted an episiotomy if really necessary(i had one!) and wanted syntometrine for third stage. Dont think i said anything for ds2!

carmenelectra · 02/02/2008 17:17

And lol at sugar!!

hunkermunker · 02/02/2008 17:18

"plan" is a misleading word.

Of course you can't plan your birth.

But you can make it very clear to those looking after you that there are some things that are Just Not Happening if everything's going smoothly (I didn't want any opiate pain relief, for instance) and you can also say things about what you'd like to happen/not happen if you eg need a section (I wanted skin to skin asap for baby, helped to initiate bf in recovery, etc).

carmenelectra · 02/02/2008 17:21

I definitely would not write anything down personally. I would just say if didnt want something, eg pethidine. Without you saying so, no one is gonna pin you down and inject you

MinkVelvet · 02/02/2008 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hunkermunker · 02/02/2008 17:25

Both times, mine was read and respected by every midwife I saw during the birth - quite explicitly so.

carmenelectra · 02/02/2008 17:26

Actually my birth plan with ds2 was "Please help me!"(to the midwife)

SugarSkyHigh · 02/02/2008 17:27

for what it's worth, i gasped to my midwife whilst in labour: "i haven't got a birthplan!" and he said, "don't worry, everyone who does one of those ends up with a C-section"

SugarSkyHigh · 02/02/2008 17:28

weird, didn#t mean to post that twice!

hunkermunker · 02/02/2008 17:28

SSH, what a stupid thing for him to say!

SugarSkyHigh · 02/02/2008 17:29

didn't bother me at the time!

morocco · 02/02/2008 20:13

certainly not something you should be feeling bad about not having!!
fwiw, it isn't only first time clueless mums destined for c sections who write them though
mine was incredibly detailed but that's because it covered more or less every eventuality including undiagnosed breech (I wasn't going straight to c section as a matter of course if it was), em c section,pain relief in order of preference, normal delivery, third stage, a b and c back up plans etc etc. option 1 (home vbac) worked just fine in the end altho they had to cut the cord as she was born. mw was really worried that might upset me as I'd wanted the cord left to pulsate but I wasn't bothered - it had to be done, I viewed my 'plan' as 'an order of preferences' rather than something set in stone. control freak?? moi???

Psychomum5 · 02/02/2008 20:15

I never had a birth plan for any of mine!!

(well, no, I lie.......I wrote one for #5 saying that lots of gas and air, (or gin and tonic please!!!), is essential, otherwise I am sorry for the swearing in advance.....)

whomovedmychocolate · 02/02/2008 20:22

My birth plan goes along the lines of:

"Tea, white, no sugar, toast with marmite afterwards, thanks!"

However I will be writing on my bump in marker pen:

'Feck off with yer crochet hook'

Pk616 · 03/02/2008 03:20

I've thought about a birth plan
I've also written a couple and then thrown them away
I'm due on friday and I have decided that as I have never done this before and I have no idea how I'm going to cope with the contractions and I don't have a crystal ball that I'm just going to go in and listen to my body. If it screams "this pain is intollerable" I'll ask for pain relief. If the midwife advises me to have an episiotomy I'll bloody have one (better than ripping my bum open!) If DP wants to cut the cord, he'll have to speak up and ask for it.

kinki · 03/02/2008 06:26

I didn't have a plan for any of my 3. I just explained to the mws that I hadn't written anything, instead I'd rather communicate verbally. And if I was unable to do that dh was aware of all my preferences and could speak for me.

FourPlusOne · 03/02/2008 12:11

I didn't have anything written down. Just a vague idea that I'd like no drugs (except gas and air) if possible, and that is how it turned out as it happened. Did talk through things a bit with DH though just so he would know what I wanted if I was out of it. Told him that if baby was born with problems and was whisked away immediately then I wanted him to go with baby (if allowed) rather than stay with me. Just that kind of thing really rather than just the birth details. He did want to cut the cord but we didn't really mention it, and both times he was asked by the midwife if he wanted to (he did, but I can't remember him doing it either time).
Good luck!

pippylongstockings · 03/02/2008 15:12

I agree the idea of it being a PLAN is a mis-leading word.

First time I did write quite alot - but 2nd time just wrote from my previous expeience having had a 2&1/2 hour 2nd stage - ie help me push it out a bit more quickly!

Need not have bothered as baby arrived in under an hour (start to finish) - dialled 999, got to hospital the midwife said 'pant I can see the head' and out he popped - no pushing required!

Be prepared for a quicker labour 2nd time round would be my top tip. Best of luck.

frazzledbutcalm · 03/02/2008 15:35

I dont really think you can have a birth plan to follow as all births are different. Just go with the flow i say. I have 4 and didnt have time for any pain relief with 3 of them and they were all wonderful births. Good luck

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