I haven't done a birth plan and don't intend to... am I strange?

[Haylstones]

I'm due in just over 3 weeks and tbh have spent more time worrying about getting everything ready at home and getting back up plans in place for dd when I am in hospital. With dd I had a very specific birth plan (including being as natural as possible on the birth unit but ended up on delivery suite with epidural and ventouse) that nobody even asked about. It certainly wasn't the birth I'd planned and I was slightly upset about this as I felt like I could have tried harder but the main thing was that I attempted it, it didn't work but dd was healthy and happy. I had no complaints about the mws/doctors.
This time I haven't thought about it much- I suppose I'd prefer to try the birth unit again (MW led) again but I'm not too bothered about it-if I don't make any plans then I can relax and whatever happens will happen and I can't be disappointed. Dh will back up whatever I decide (whether now or on the day ) but the advice from everywhere is to have a birth plan! I guess I will see how I feel when I go into labour and decide as it progresses. I'm not ruling anything out or in apart from not wanting pethidine. Am I mad?

(Is very strange actually as I am a total control freak normally and my first birth plan was extremely detailed. I have had my bag packed for weeks, including a special purse with change for the phone in it and new toiletries- that's why it feels strange!

tip - if you want them to rea your birth plan then staple it to your notes!!

The only thing mine was specific about was a physiological third stage (which I got) but then I had to have a manual removal of placenta ANYWAY... grr.

;)

"Birth" "Plan"...oxymoron...in my opinion...have had 4 ALL very differnet births...prepare for the worst and hope for the best!!...

Think that being informed is valuable. Not sure that I was ever arrogant enough to oppose a procedure if the experts suggested otherwise....dont believe that in reality even the healthcare professionals have too many decisions points/options. The labour is in control we and our mws have to go with the flow of nature and make sure that we all get through it safely....think that some of the things that people get hung up on ie husband cutting the cord are fripperies in the miracle that is birth

argh - just remembered something.. on the observation ward after my MROP the midwife asked about my birth plan, assuming (correctly) that we had done NCT antenatal classes.

She sort of snorted at me and said 'bet your birth plan went out the window then!'

Just so happened that I got everything on my birth plan, almost to the letter (staying mobile, just TENS and G&A, natural third stage, skin to skin, DP cutting the cord and telling me the sex, etc)

So, they aren't a total waste of time... just be prepared for them to go completely out the window!

I didnt have one with DD. I just took the view that will be will be. All turned out OK. I am thinking of having one this time though just to say I dont want any students in the room but thats all.

I did a very detailed birth plan with my first (and only) and I second the vote that they're not just for FTMs destined for C-sections. I handed it to the midwife as she walked in my front door. I got everything on my birth plan - home birth, no pain relief, no examinations, no talking, no coaching, sit-in-the-corner-and-pretend-you're-not-there, I'll catch my own, thanks, no stitches, back to normal, MW out a half hour later.

Large helpings of luck of course, but the plan was important to me in that it made me research each issue and option, some of which I wouldn't have known were available if I wasn't going through the process in my mind and questioning procedures and my preferences.

I agree that a better name needs to be found for it than plan, however. I certainly don't think anyone needs to have a plan, certainly not a written one, but writing it down and making decisions in advance does make you think about what it is that you want. I'm not talking about the things you cant control - but it really narrows down the things that are important to you, whatever happens. To the OP, it sounds like you have that sorted in your mind already!

I'd make a birth plan again, certainly. I don't think it's a given, though. Horses for courses and all that.

Not strange at all. With DS I wrote a birth plan which was completely ignored by both me and the medical staff, so with DD I didn't bother writing one. The only thing I had in mind was that I didn't want an epidural, and as it turned out everything happened so quickly I didn't need one anyway.

Good luck and best wishes to you

I didn't have a birth plan because like others before me said: how can you plan something you don't know and have never experienced before. Basically my plan was to see how I coped, to go with the flow and only have an epidural if truly needed. Both my births were wonderful and fulfilling experiences, both without any intervention. From the cutting cord etc... point of view, I was never really that bothered what happened, as long as the baby born safe and well. The mw did ask my dp, but he didn't wat to. He thinks it's gross.
I must say, though, that people with long and rigid birth plans often get different experiences as they hoped for. Maybe it's because the go-with-the-flow sort of people start of the whole journey in a more relaxed state of mind than the long detailed birth plan sort of people IYKWIM.

On the birth plan page of my notes I wrote

Have a baby

I didn't have one apart from to say I would prefer not to have a CSection!! Ended up having emergency C-Sections with both dds and lots of drugs!!!

We had a very vague birth plan, to try to go with the flow, and the one good thing about that was that the birth was actually along those lines (hmm..)!

I do think though that the exercise of writing a birth plan is more to do with getting a first time mum to consider all the issues in advance, so that when you are asked to make a big decision in the heat of the moment ie do you want pethidine you have asked all the relevant questions in advance and don't look blank and say "what's pethidine".

When we were discussing it my mw said that she thought it was v unusual for second (etc) time mums to write a birth plan.

Good luck!

I didn't have a birth plan with my dd, figuring that I'd go with the flow and would trust the 'professionals'. I was positive and open-minded, but pretty soon felt powerless and confused by what was happening, so for #2 (if and when) I will have a birth plan. I will specify that I don't want un-necessary intervention, want to avoid syntocin at all costs, do not want my waters breaking, do not want examinatins, want to remain mobile, want to be encouraged to try water birth, do not want to lie down, do not want time-limits imposed on me, do not want to be told my efforts at pushing are 'pathetic', will consider an epidural as a last resort, but don't want pethidine, and if baby is in distress and my options become limited would rather a CS than prolonged ineffective exhausting natural delivery. Oh and would like mw's to be aware this time that I HAVE SPD. That's about it I think.

I think I had quite a long birth plan - I wanted a natural birth if at all possible, DH to deliver her and cut the cord etc. I wrote down that On the day I told him to shut up as he read it out the midwife - it sounded a bit ridiculous as i screamed my head off! But they stuck to it and DH loves telling people he delivered his daughter. I'd definitely do detail again, but maybe get them to read it earlier! And it was really good to say in the plan that I didn't want people going on about "how much does it hurt" and talking about pain...which was soooooo helpful.

If you don't have a birthplan, then won't you be answering questions as you go along about what you want, which might be at tricky moments when you don't want to have to think about it, try to remember what you've decided, or even feel capable of speech?

For instance, I want the cord cut after it stops pulsing. I don't want to have to remember to mention that to MW the moment after baby pops out when I'm feeling kinda shattered.

Or, I want vitamin K injection, that's written down, so I know I've thought it thru and so the MWs won't need to ask me about it when the time comes.

I do keep my birth plans really short (about 80 words). I don't get the 200-word long ways of saying "I'm breastfeeding", etc.

Dont think you are mad at all - think it is probably best to wait and see how things go. Nothing to do with kids ever goes toplan. I had a birthplan saying no epidural and no c-section - ended up with both! What will be will be, at least you seem fairly realxed about things. Good luck

I had a really long one 1st time round - specified with almost each possible pain relief / intervention 'not unless absolutely necessary' - there was a moment of light relief during the whole, long, painful induction when me and the midwife realised I had had, in turn, everything I had specified not wanting .... but in fact the epidural was my favourite bit and the Meptid my second favourite, I have to say!! It was good having thought it through and good that we delayed the epidural as long as poss though, 'cos of plan, as I think we ended up moments away from a c-section and with an earlier epidural things might (??) have been different.

This time it'll say: skin to skin and breastfeeding as soon as possible after birth, that's all that matters to me, everything else we'll take as it comes.

Know what you mean haylstones.

I had a detailed birth plan first time around which i may just as well have ripped up and thrown around like confetti as I walked thru the door, so second time around just wrote a list of would prefer not to happens and would like this (if possibles)...

Also got catheterised IN FRONT of (now x) husband first time - personally not very happy about that (the catheta, not the x), so had DO NOT blah blah blah in big capitals on top of the plan...

At least the m/wives could discuss if they wanted to do one of my 'prefer not to(s)' and it meant I could put things like - if possible deliver straight onto tummy (if that's your thing) tell me the sex etc.

It was one side of A4 in BIG writing, so no mistakes, with the proviso at the bottom -

'Now let?s see how things go?plans are often subject to change?
Safe and well are, of course, the major priority.
Good Luck everyone!'

The only thing I was bothered about was no FiveLive if I ended up in theatre. I like "generally the baby has his or her own birth plan, love"! How true, how very true. I would never have written "I would like to spend one whole week in early labour" but for some reason that is what DS wanted.

Things I would want in my 'birth preferences':

I don't want you to offer me pain relief: I'll ask if I want it.

I want you to help me stay upright and mobile throughout my labour.

I'd prefer not to give birth sitting on my arse - even if this is your preferred position for delivering babies because it's easy on your back.

I don't want to be told to push. I'll ask if I need help.

If I ask for an epidural I don't want to be fobbed off - even if you think in your clinical judgement I'd be better off without one.

I want skin to skin contact with my baby if she and I are well enough after the birth.

If I have a c-section I don't want the staff in theatre to chat about their holidays while my baby's being born.

I have a birth plan, and it's very important for me, but this is my third baby and I have suffered birth trauma previously, so it's something for my MIL and DP to go by to help me achieve as much as I want this time round.

Not strange at all. With all 4 of mine I just kept saying "I dont want stitches"
i had a chat with MW and said that I was happy to "go with the flow" but that she was to give me her honest opinion if she felt something was needed. All my MW weere lovely (I did have a student with one and she was horrid but luckily the actual MW was great)

I didn't really bother. As someone else said, you can have a detailed plan and it can all go out the window. All I said was I don't really want any drugs apart from gas and air unless I really need them and I want to give birth in an upright position. I shan't bother this time either.