For those of you who had a General Anaesthetic with your Caesarean

[kitstwins]

This is a bit of a personal question but I'm about to start my counselling for PND and wondered if anyone could give me any feedback from their experience.

I don't know anyone in real life who had a caesarean under a General Anaesthetic. Mine was carried out as they botched both epidurals and there were no other options - I'd had a huge bleed at 35 weeks into my twin pregnancy. Both babies were born healthy but I've never really felt the same since and found the whole experience both emotionally and physcially traumatic. Physically, because they used forceps, mangled me and then I reacted very badly to the morphine afterwards and was in incredible pain for days, and emotionally because I missed the birth of my children. Not seeing them born was hugely bewildering, totally unexpected and left me coming round from an anaesthetic completely out of it. Quite simply they could have been anyone's babies.

Did anyone else feel similar following a GA caesarean and, if so, how did you 'recover'? I suppose it relates more to people who've had them as a 'surprise' rather than as a planned procedure. So a GA due to a crash emergency. How did you make yourself better? I've held out on anti-ds as I'm really not sure about going down that route and day to day I'm doing okay, but part of me is still rather traumatised. It would help to know if others had felt the same, that I wasn't abnormal for feeling this way, and also that there WAS hope for feeling like 'me' again.

I have read stories on a few other sites but they've been very much in the "I felt fine and was up mucking out the stables the next morning" vein. Brilliant, but probably not what I want to hear at the moment as it will just reinforce my despair.

Thanks in advance.
Kitstwins
x

I didn't have a crash section (for which I was very grateful; my birth plan when I went into hospital was that I didn't mind anything but that - am terrified of GAs!) but did have an emergency section and was admitted to ITU because of a 7 litre PPH and septicaemia.
I can empathise with a lot of the feelings on this thread, especially the sensation of missing out on "firsts" - although I saw dd when she was born she then went to scbu. I miss not having the photo of that special family time when mum and dad cuddle their new baby and feel happy - I was too ill during that time to feel anything other than scared for my baby and myself. I regret the fact that I never went to see her in SCBU - again, I wasn't discharged from ITU till she was out of SCBU, so though she came to see me, I never saw her in the place where she spent her first two days. I don't know what her first nappy was like. I wasn't the first person to cuddle her - and neither was dh.
I'm lucky enough to feel completely confident that nobody could have done anything better for either of us - but it is still traumatic. I also still have that feeling of failure when I hear about my friends' perfect births - irrational but there you go. Instead of managing a calm happy entry to the world for dd I got septicaemia so she got distressed, was yanked out by section, admitted to scbu and had an lumbar puncture. Still makes me feel guilty. Also even before that totally couldn't cope with labour pains - G+A and pethidine did nothing, no breaks inbetween contractions - so needed epidural (though wonder if they may have been worse because of the infection??) Feel bad about that too.
She's 8 months old now, I love her to bits, but don't know if I will ever be brave enough to have another baby - feels as though I would be risking my life as I could so easily have died. I hope so though...
Hope you don't mind me joining your GA thread - just that even though I didn't have one a lot of the feelings expressed here ring very true for me too.

Its a long time since I have been midwife to someone having a ga section, what with mainly working on community and having babies of my own. Next time I go to one I will make a concerted effort to take some photos of the babys first moments if at all possible, write a short summary of what happened to the baby for the parents to read at a later date, and make sure that the baby gives the Mum a kiss before it is taken out to Dad. Although I was aware that ga sections can be difficult before reading this thread, it has really brought it home to me just how simple things might well help a mum and her partner to come to terms with it. Hope things start looking up for you soon kitstwins. Your feelings are completely normal and rational, I'm certain that I would have had the same feelings if this had happened to me.

maxbear...your post made me cry [I blame 16 wk hormones]...for someone to come here & take on board what we want/need it brilliant!

If this thread gets one midwife thinking that way, then maybe word can get around & many more mums will know their babies first treasured moments. Thank You...

smileyhappymummy, I felt for months after dd's that I simply could not do it again. At 4 months I had resigned my self to her being an only child, I can't recall when this changed, but it hng around for at least her first year.

4+ years down the line I sit here 16 wks pregnant with #2....I have never been so scared in my life [unless you count the pre c-section] all the worries about PE, knowing that there is a great chance I won't get the VBAC I want....I think this is why dd's birth is more at the fore now. But I will do whatever I have to do to make sure we are both Ok & hope that this time, things are a whole lot different for me.

Maxbear, you sound like a fab midwife

Lulumama- THANKS for this, I didn't know about Maternity Services Liaison Committees (as DH days, they don't seem to be liaising v well!) and will definitely ask. Local NCT branch very under-resourced with limited activity, sadly.

Maxbear - I second Sandcastles' comment, your post is really great; maybe you can help spread the word around other midwives? Change is best from within and all that ...

PLANNED C-SECT doesn't seem to leave women with the same sorrows as emergency ones. The big lesson I'm taking from all of this, is that EVERYONE should have a birth plan for a CS, just in case! (I understand that NICE guidelines say all women should be given info about C-sects during their ante-natal period, to prepare them in case; we weren't, and I'll be asking why.) I certainly think you should write one Sandcastles - hold out for the VBAC but make sure your wishes are clear in case you do end up in theatre, that's what I'll be doing next time, and ever since the moment I first held DD I've been talking about 'next time', it seems to help keep things in perspective a bit.

Kitstwins - thanks so much for starting this thread, it seems like lots of people have taken something positive from it, really hope you feel better soon. x

welcome i hope you find peace with what happened to you..

Gosh there are some very brave and inpsiring women on this thread who I take my hat off to.

I'm about to start TTC for my first baby and was wondering how common GAs are for CS? the thought of having to have a GA scares me more than anything else about giving birth

I asked for a GA, for a complicated variety of reasons. The easiest answer is that I already had a cannula in so it seemed to make sense to me get my struggling baby out sooner rather than later. I had a strong feeling that if she didn't get out very quickly she would be damaged and might not make it. In the end, despite FHR lows of 40 she didn't pass any meconium but she did have an infection due to prolonged rupture of membranes so spent time in NICU on ABs anyway. I didn't want to risk the time needed to set up the spinal, although the anaesthetist assured me that he could do it quickly, I didn't want to risk it not working and having delayed. Also I was pretty convinced that they would be taking her to special care as it was fairly obvious she had an infection from her heart trace (shortly before the lows she had been running at 175-185, up from 125 the previous day). Physically I was fine about the GA (lucky me) which I knew I would be from an ERPC three years ago.

If she'd been my first I doubt I'd have been quite as laid back about not seeing her first moment in this world. Actually I do have pangs sometimes... I do feel guilty about my husband not being able to be there though. The first glimpse he got of the baby is when they whisked her past him on the way to NICU 20 minutes after she was born. I was rather worried that he would faint (he's not good with things gory and does tend to faint) and feel terrible about it later. Also, if the baby wasn't going to make it, I didn't want to be worrying about that while still cut wide open on the operating table.

It's all so complicated.

My mum has 2 GA CS with my brother and I. I have never asked about post-birth and early weeks/months but I can assure you that we are all as close as can be and were when growing up. So even if you have a bad time in the early times I'm sure it won't last longterm. Take care.

I was with a couple having triplets last week and she ended up needing a GA (lots of factors involved).
Dad forgot the camera in all the rush so as soon as we had made sure the babies were all OK I took a photo of the 3 babies together with my mobile and sent it to their phones. Dad was able to hold the babies within 15 mins and Mum had a very squashed cuddle within the hour of their births.
It's generally not a good idea to have a mobile in theatre but I felt it was too good an opportunity to miss - just as well nobody caught me.
Next day she told me all her family now had the photo on their phones and of course I do too! Oh, I did ask her if I could share the story too........