Suddenly terrified!!

[Llicdd]

I've just passed 39 weeks. I don't feel 39 weeks, the last few weeks have flown by and been the easiest of my pregnancy journey. The birth seemed somewhere in the future that it didn't seem 'real'. Now it's on top of me, the realisation has set in that this could be any day now!!! I've planned a home birth with gas and air and I'm so scared of how bad the pain might be. I've no idea what to expect, have been on the verge of tears a few times. I am literally terrified!!!! Can anyone relate?!

It is scary. I totally get it. I planned a home birth but half way through insisted that I be taken to hospital. I’m not sure why, just wanted bright lights and people and more options of pain relief if I needed it, which I didn’t. I would say listen to your gut, don’t be scared to change your birth plan or too fixated on it. Try and take your mind off thinking constantly about the birth. Remember women have been doing this a long time, many go on to have two/three/four etc. Pain relief is there to help you so use it. I managed with gas snd air, and was fine. Believe in yourself as your body is made to do this and has been prepping for nearly 9 months! 💕

I felt like this but I had it before I was ever pregnant! I requested a c-section from 6 weeks pregnant due to this but I had absolutely no intention or interest in experiencing any of it. I think most women have this natural feeling that they want to see what it’s like, I was just somehow missing that 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine, you sound like you have it all planned out! What would make you feel better just now?

I get it. I think it helped me to realise there is no option - there's only one way this baby is getting out! Because there was nothing I could do about it, it seemed easier not to worry so much. But I know that mindset doesn't work for everyone, and the inevitability might make some people just feel trapped rather than at peace.

The only good news is that once labour does start, you don't really worry. You just focus on each contraction as it comes and get through it, then you rest and you focus on the relief, then another contraction etc. Yes it hurts. But it doesn't go on for ever. For me my first birth seemed quicker than it was. It felt like a couple of hours but it was actually six!

You can do it.

Speak to your partner and your midwife if you can get hold of them ... they can reassure you. Affirmations.. your body is designed for this. You and your baby are working together. You could see if any local doulas could do a birth preparation session with you, I do this as a doula and it can ve really useful. If anyone near you has done Mollie O Brien's Moving for easier birth .. that could also be useful so you know if things get intense you have options available to relieve pain and release tension which causes the pain. Breath, calm, your mind, remind yourself that all will be well.. .

OP, why did you decide on a home birth, if you are worried about labour pain? There are far better options for pain relief in hospital, such as epidurals.
Not to mention immediate access to theatre if you need emergency intervention, and advanced paediatric resuscitation if the baby needs it.
It isn’t too late to change your mind if you would prefer to be in hospital with the full range of facilities. And might do a lot to relieve your fears.

I am in the same situation. I'm 37 weeks and constantly put my head in the sand about labour. I haven't even had the chance to discuss any birth plans with my midwife which I feel is soo late now :( I don't feel massively well informed and have no idea what I'm allowed to ask for in terms of pain relief. My next app is on Thursday so I'm hoping to discuss it then.

I am kind of just convincing myself to go with the flow and hope that my adrenaline kicks in and my body knows what to do. I hope I can trust the midwives to support me through labour and give me options if i need them. What happens is going to happen no matter if I worry or not.

The only good news is that once labour does start, you don't really worry. You just focus on each contraction as it comes and get through it, then you rest and you focus on the relief, then another contraction etc. Yes it hurts. But it doesn't go on for ever.

I was going to say something along the lines of this.
Once your in labour all you care about is managing the contraction, breathing and saying 'thank fuck that one is over' until the next one.
You go into a zone, and literally once your baby is born it's the best feeling and you forget all about the pain.

@happyavocado28 ... you could also consider an hour with a doula..

@ChateauMargaux thanks for the tip, I didn't think of that - I've been doing a lot of reading but haven't really spoken to an expert at all so could be a good option

Don’t worry OP, birth is such a small window of time, you do forget it and often it is fine. I had my two, naturally, no pain relief didn’t even try gas & air. Birth was much easier than I imagined. Good luck

A doula will help reflect back your thoughts and put your fears in perspective.. it is really useful at this stage to hear and read positive birth stories.

I was like this first time and it actually wasn't as bad as I had envisaged.
However, I'm pregnant again and shitting it because I realise how differently it could go this time. But you gotta remember the end result!

Why are you opting for a home birth? Honestly if you think you might need more pain relief I don't know why you wouldn't go into hospital or at least a birthing suite. Giving birth hurts...a lot.

Go into it with an open mind and be flexible with your birth plan. It’s not a failure on your part to change your mind.

I felt really confident about DD1’s birth. In my mind, women had been giving birth forever so I would be fine too. I found the whole experience quite terrifying because the gas and air made me pass out between each contraction. I had an epidural late on but it didn’t do much for the pain.

Before having DD2, I was terrified of giving birth because of the pain and passing out so I put ‘no gas and air’ on my birth plan. She came much quicker than DD1 and it was scarier because of that but I would rather do her labour again. I was too far along for any pain relief other than gas and air. It was that or nothing. I was up and about really quickly afterwards and recovered well.

I would recommend Spiritual Midwifery by Inna May Gaskin. Some of it (ok lots of it) is hippy nonsense but there is a huge section on home birth experiences and I found it hugely comforting that these women in their frigging tents and campervans were giving birth with not even a paracetamol between them. If you haven't listened to any hypnobirthing podcasts I would recommend you do that.

Gas and Air, for most people, is a winner and will help things along nicely.

And if you need more, you'll go into hospital and get all the drugs and that will be great too.

We're so lucky to have all this medicine available to us.

You’ll be fine, remember your breathing.

Labour in a safe quiet space. I spent my time in my bedroom in the zone.

I had my 3rd 6 months ago. Don’t panic.

I stayed at home as long as possible and honestly could happily have had a home birth. I had baby within an hour of getting to hospital. Could really have saved myself a trip😂

Remember it takes a few rounds of gas and air for the nausea to pass.

I didn’t know that and after I initially tried it I thought I didn’t like it but midwife told me to persevere with it for a couple of contractions and I’m so glad I did. That shit is the best!

Yes it’s tough, but it’s only one day of your life. Keep telling yourself that. It’s temporary.

And make sure your hospital bag is completely packed just in case. I had to be transferred from midwifery led unit to labour ward because there was merconium when my waters broke. You never know if you’ll have to go in.

@Babdoc

OP, why did you decide on a home birth, if you are worried about labour pain? There are far better options for pain relief in hospital, such as epidurals. Not to mention immediate access to theatre if you need emergency intervention, and advanced paediatric resuscitation if the baby needs it. It isn’t too late to change your mind if you would prefer to be in hospital with the full range of facilities. And might do a lot to relieve your fears.

^^ I couldn't have said it better

you can change your mind any time, preferably before you are fully dilated.

I was honestly so scared to give birth, I used to wake up crying and worrying about it. I gave birth in July and did it with gas & air only, no issues. I’m
not gonna say it was the most fun I’ve ever had, but it was honestly fine. Your body takes over and you just go with it. Don’t worry about it OP honest, you’ll do great x

Hi OP I had a home birth with my first 4 months ago and it was great! Have you hired a pool?

I agree with other posters that you just get into the zone and your body does what it needs to do.

I found visualising each contraction as a wave really helpful. I would imagine that I was surfing up a wave as the pain of contraction built up, peaked and then went away again.

I also watched a load of free birth/unassisted birth videos on YouTube. It gave me confidence that I knew what pushing a baby out looked like and that other people do it just fine outside of hospital. It became sort of normal in my head.

Also about tearing, really don’t worry about it. I tore and didn’t notice at the time. Didn’t feel it at all. Was a bit sore afterwards but now it all looks pretty much the same as it did before.

The feeling after giving birth was absolutely amazing. I announced to DH that they don’t make drugs this good 🤣 I was on such a high.

Best of luck x

At the moment I would stick with the home birth plan for the following reason. When you are in early labour and you are not sure how dilated you are you can ring up and they’ll send a lovely midwife to come and see you. You can at any point change go to hospital but you can’t say a hospital birth and then switch to a home birth.
I booked a home birth for my first and had early labour pains for days, after 4 days things did ramp up and I was tired and stressed and worried. I phoned up they didn’t think things had got moving but the midwife on the end of the phone could tell I was upset. A community midwife visited, checked me over and stayed an hour or two to calm me down. I had to go for a late scan at the hospital two days later and my waters went during a sweep. The midwife said I could go home for my homebirth if I wanted. I chose to stay and after another day I had an emcs DS was too big to exit.
Dd was a planned CS and I had unplanned vbac instead.

Haven't read whole thread but couldn't read and run. It's natural to be anxious about labour everyone who has evey gone throught it will have gone through what you are experiencing now. Your body was built for this and has been getting ready for this for months.
Try to go with the flow on the day, have pain relief if you want it or need it. Be prepared to be a bit bored in between contractions especially at the begining, so have some magazines to read or boxsets to distract you ( nothing that you need to follow a plot though)
It will be the most exciting and best day of your life. You are finally going to meet your son/ daughter.
Wishing you all the best! xx

I know how you feel OP. When I was pregnant with DS1 I used to get a wave of fear over me all the time when I thought about labour. When I was pregnant with DS2 I wasn’t afraid once of the labour because I knew I could do it and knew what to expect.

Highly recommend instructing your birth partner to count breaths with you to give you something to focus on. As others said maybe consider changing to a hospital birth for peace of mind. I would have sold my husband for an epidural first time around.

Each to their own but I wouldn't do a home birth for the first time.