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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

10 year old present at birth

63 replies

RHODXB · 02/10/2021 09:25

My daughter will be just 10
When baby arrives- she is adamant she wants to be there at the birth. Would you let her?

OP posts:
Namechangeforthis88 · 02/10/2021 09:27

No. Terrible idea. Unless you could guarantee that the birth will be without any surprises, complications or problems. Which noone can.

mynameisbrian · 02/10/2021 09:28

Absolutely not

romdowa · 02/10/2021 09:28

Depends what kind of Birth you are going for. I know a lot of families have kids at their home birth but then again are you prepared for if things go wrong and how frightening that will be for a child ?

Noshowwithoutpunch · 02/10/2021 09:29

No.

fancyfrogs · 02/10/2021 09:29

No

SummersOverSeasideTown · 02/10/2021 09:30

@Namechangeforthis88

No. Terrible idea. Unless you could guarantee that the birth will be without any surprises, complications or problems. Which noone can.
Even if it was a text book delivery I would say no. Not everything is to be shared, some dappy person will be along in a minute to say how wonderful it was but I actually think it is abuse. You wouldn't allow her to be there when you were making the baby she shouldn't be there when you give birth.
Original poster
RHODXB · 02/10/2021 09:31

Yes this is my
Concern - what if there were complications. But part of me things what all lovely thing to be there at the birth of her sister. For reference, pregnancy so far has been normal abs had a normal delivery with first pregnancy. But yes you have confirmed that the risk of complications is too great

OP posts:
ButterflyAway · 02/10/2021 09:31

No, children do not need to see that Hmm

Soontobe60 · 02/10/2021 09:31

You’re in charge, not her.
Just imagine you having to watch your 10 year old going through excruciating pain. How do you think you’d feel? Now imagine how a 10 year old would feel in the same situation?

SummerHouse · 02/10/2021 09:32

No. I have been a birthing partner twice and I found it pretty traumatic in my late 20s and early 30s. Nothing prepares you for seeing so much pain and feeling so useless. I have given birth twice and I would far rather do that than witness another birth.

At 10, categoric no. You need to focus on you, not worrying about how your DC is coping.

Original poster
RHODXB · 02/10/2021 09:32

Yea of course the decision is mine. I just wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable to say no straight away (which was my initial reaction)

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 02/10/2021 09:32

Are you having a home birth? If so, she can see the baby as soon as it’s born. If in hospital, she won’t be allowed anyway.

Mammaaof · 02/10/2021 09:33

No! Omg what's wrong with people

UpshittsCreek · 02/10/2021 09:35

It has worked for some families but personally I wouldn't. You don't know how the birth will go or how you will react to this labour. I surprised myself I'd how primal I became in labour,I wanted to be left alone and didn't like people near me. I knew I didn't have to think of DHs feelings as we agreed anything said on the labour ward,stays on the labour ward. Having a DC there who I'd be conscious of upsetting or frightening would have put me out of my stride altogether.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/10/2021 09:37

Only if at home, and she had a back up place she could get to easily if she changed her mind.

Better would be home birth and her coming in a few minutes afterwards.

AliceMcK · 02/10/2021 09:39

My DSD was at her sisters birth, she was about 8 I think. I was also no but it was partly a cultural thing on her mother’s side. My Ex wasn’t keen but knew in the end her mum would do what she wanted. She was certainly not traumatised, she’s 24 now and still remembers it, it’s not put her off having children either.

roxisolerenshaw · 02/10/2021 09:51

I was with my daughter when she gave birth twice. There were no complications and she managed the pain exceptionally well. However it was an incredibly difficult experience for me to to see her labouring. There was no joy in being present, I was there to support her and it was emotionally draining to see her in so much pain. Obviously it's wonderful after delivery but anything beforehand is no place for a 10 year old in my opinion.

Original poster
RHODXB · 02/10/2021 09:57

Thanks all. I think yes one thing to consider is how stressed I would be worrying that she would be finding it hard. Just wanted to make sure I was being a total prude saying no straight away!

OP posts:
Adamine · 02/10/2021 10:22

My son was 4 when he saw his sister being born. I had her at home at 7pm so he was still up and my labour was quick. He was fine but I had no complications and had a very calm birth.

Chelyanne · 02/10/2021 14:39

Nah. Even if I had super fast labour and was stuck at home with the kids I'd make them be in a different room. I was quite unwell after our most recent due to heavy blood loss, I was blacking out when moved and that would have been awful for the kids to see.

GinUnicorn · 02/10/2021 14:48

I think it would have really increased my stress during labour if I had another child to worry about.

Viviennemary · 02/10/2021 14:49

Absolutely not. Totally unsuitable.

Itsbeen84yearss · 02/10/2021 14:49

Crikey no

HowMuchWine · 02/10/2021 14:50

Never

Isabellabasil · 02/10/2021 14:51

When I went into labour with DC2 she was very early and unexpected and our planned childcare was impossible. In addition we were on holiday away from our home town. DC1 had to come into the hospital with us until an alternative could be arranged. He saw me in early labour and it really upset him, he still talks about it now.

Your situation is different as DD is older than my DS and also she is saying she wants to. But honestly she doesn't know what she is asking! I think it will traumatise her and she may not want her own children as a result.

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