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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

10 year old present at birth

63 replies

RHODXB · 02/10/2021 09:25

My daughter will be just 10
When baby arrives- she is adamant she wants to be there at the birth. Would you let her?

OP posts:
Adamine · 02/10/2021 14:59

@GinUnicorn

I think it would have really increased my stress during labour if I had another child to worry about.
I didn’t worry about my son. He was quiet and didn’t bother me. He didn’t stay in the living room (where I gave birth) the whole time but when I pushed for the last time he was standing by his Dad and saw her being born. I only have good memories of my daughter’s birth.
Adamine · 02/10/2021 15:09

I didn’t plan for my son to be at the birth of his sister but it’s just how it worked out. My husband and I had no family living near by so we planned a home birth as I was very low risk and had an easy hospital birth with my son. As my labour was quick we just carried on. My son played and wandered in and out of the living room but he wasn’t noisy and it didn’t distract me from giving birth.

FrownedUpon · 02/10/2021 15:24

No. Could be horribly traumatic for her to see you in pain or distress & bleeding. Can’t believe anyone would think it’s ok.

Adamine · 02/10/2021 15:32

@FrownedUpon

No. Could be horribly traumatic for her to see you in pain or distress & bleeding. Can’t believe anyone would think it’s ok.
It can also be a wonderful experience! I never planned it but it turned out great. My advice to OP would be not to plan and just wait and see how your labour is. Your daughter doesn’t have to stay if you or she become distressed.
FizzyPink · 02/10/2021 15:33

I was 7 when my brother was born. It was a home birth so I was there. The midwife even let me catch the head.
I wasn’t traumatised by it at all and I expect my parents did it because they didn’t want me to feel pushed out by my mum marrying a new man and having a baby having been an only child for so long.

mrssunshinexxx · 02/10/2021 15:35

Let her be there before things ramp up ? That's a compromise

mrssunshinexxx · 02/10/2021 15:35

@SummerHouse argh your comment scared me I'm due in 4 weeks

AdriannaP · 02/10/2021 15:40

No way

SummerHouse · 02/10/2021 15:43

@mrssunshinexxx I would hate to think I have scared a pregnant woman. Let me say that my two births were, hands down, the best days of my life. Incredible, absolute highs like nothing else. With second I didn't have any pain relief. I was keeping it for when I felt I really needed it and he just appeared! Don't be scared. Flowers

Pamcake69 · 02/10/2021 16:00

Absolutely not, wouldn't dream of even thinking it would be ok for child to watch. Doubt the hospital staff would allow this anyway.

PricklesTheHedgehog · 02/10/2021 16:10

Just no

Helenahandkart · 02/10/2021 16:22

I unexpectedly found myself at my sister’s first birth. I was completely unprepared for it and found it really harrowing. Things didn’t go particularly well and I felt like I needed to advocate for her but, without really having any idea about the complexities of birth, I felt really impotent.
I was almost 30 at the time.

Jigsawprison · 02/10/2021 16:27

No way would I want a child there. My dm was birthing partner with my first child I had a quite uneventful labour until delivery I then had a very traumatic complication 5min post birth and ended up on itu. My dm was traumatised by what she saw and she is a trained medical professional.

mrssunshinexxx · 02/10/2021 23:52

@SummerHouse thanks x this is my second but last ended in emc so don't feel I experience the worst bit god I just hope it's smooth

Labyrinth86 · 11/10/2021 17:27

@Adamine

My son was 4 when he saw his sister being born. I had her at home at 7pm so he was still up and my labour was quick. He was fine but I had no complications and had a very calm birth.
I think a 4 year old boy and a 10 year old girl may have different reactions. Developmentally a 10 year old is going to understand much more of what is happening and a boy will never have to go through that process to have a child.
JudgementalCactus · 11/10/2021 17:43

No way! At 10 no child is emotionally mature to see something that gory and unpredictable and intense without being traumatised forever. Horrible idea!

PotteringAlong · 11/10/2021 17:46

@Adamine and it was great because it worked out well. I imagine if you had had a massive bleed and his sibling had to be resuscitated on the living room floor before you were both blue lighted to hospital he might have remembered it somewhat differently.

Runkle · 11/10/2021 17:58

No, it's not a spectator event. Focus on yourself and baby.

Cruiser123 · 11/10/2021 17:59

I lost 2.1 litres of blood giving birth . No way I would want my child to see that.

JudgementalCactus · 11/10/2021 18:00

[quote PotteringAlong]@Adamine and it was great because it worked out well. I imagine if you had had a massive bleed and his sibling had to be resuscitated on the living room floor before you were both blue lighted to hospital he might have remembered it somewhat differently.[/quote]
Exactly! Having a child present is 100% irresponsible and foolish.

Sproglette · 11/10/2021 18:04

@RHODXB it depends on you. I have been lucky to have quick, calm, uncomplicated births and absolutely wouldn't mind my eldest being with me. I think it also depends on the personality of the child. My eldest is very scientific/factual and things like periods have been easily explained and accepted in relation to biology

Brollywasntneededafterall · 11/10/2021 18:08

Possibly dd will resent her sibling for causing you so much pain...

IDontDrinkTea · 11/10/2021 18:09

I’m a labour suite coordinator and honest answer - I wouldn’t allow it. I’ve had one experience where against my better judgement I let a preteen into the unit as a birth partner. An emergency happened, and instead of being able to deal with the problem, I was left trying to drag a sobbing child away who was clinging on to their mum as we were trying to wheel the mum to theatre.

I believe it is more common to have children present during homebirths however.

ballsdeep · 11/10/2021 18:11

Absolutely not. You're her parents. say no.

AHobbyaweek · 11/10/2021 18:12

I had a home birth and my 5 year old was there, loved it and learnt a lot I think. I prepared her with videos and chats.