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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Male MW

55 replies

micegg · 04/12/2007 20:13

I have a feeling I will get pounced on for this but this is how I feel. I have just found out there is a male MW working on the labour ward at the hospital I am booked into. My initial thoughts were that it made me feel uncomfortable as I see labour as a very intimate experience. Its not just the internal exams but also the stitching, etc. Then I spoke to a few people who pointed out that would I be so worried if it were a male doc. TBH, Yes I would. I would feel umcomfortable and would probably prefer a female examine me. Having said that I have never been faced with the situation. However, the thing with midwives is that its an intimate process (IMO). Not just the internals but just the general being at that end IYKWIM. I am not normally such a wuss about things like this but need to work out whether I want something on my birth plan to say I only want a female midwife. Having already had a baby I know you get to the point where you wouldnt care if the England rugby team were getting a look of your bits but I still would rather make the decision now whilst I am not in that state. Anyone had experience of a male MW whilst they were in labour?

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CaptainUnderpants · 04/12/2007 20:18

No male MW but had Male HV - and was very good .

mollymawk · 04/12/2007 20:21

One of my MWs for my first DS was a man - in fact he was a trainee rather than fully qualified. He was lovely and because he had to leave before the baby was born (he had to catch the last bus...) he came back the next day to see us.

TheMincePiedMadHouse · 04/12/2007 20:22

I had a male midwife for part of my labour with DS1 and he was great. Really understanding, caring and professional, infact I wish he could have been with me throughout the labour.

He was great with DH and never once made me feel unconfortable, athough he did confirm that we were happy to have him as our midwife (husband)

zebedee1 · 04/12/2007 20:24

Yes, male midwife and male Dr delivered DS then stitched me up afterwards. Both absolutely brilliant and very professional.

joyfulspike · 04/12/2007 20:24

Yes, I did, he was fine, I also had a male mw while I was pg too). It did help that it was the early stages, he looked about 60 and had a wedding ring - not that that should make a difference. He was lovely and like you said you do get to the point where they could sell tickets and you wouldn't give a toss. I find him really supportive and the look on dh's face was a scream!
BUT if you're not comforatble, then your're not comfortable, you can request a female mw, but I guess if they're all busy you prob won't get a choice. If you can, go with the flow and try not to stress about it.

hotbot · 04/12/2007 20:24

i would assume that they would have to be twice as good as females, due to the prejudice they would suffer, before even doing anything....

HoHoHoOfWalsall · 04/12/2007 20:28

Not a male MW (I don't think) but had a few men around the bottom of the bed during DSs birth and TBH it didn't bother me. I am very shy like that, but, I didn't even give it a second thought. A man gave me my epidural aswell and I whipped off my nightdress infront of him, I must have been out of it!

joyfulspike · 04/12/2007 20:28

For some reason dh assumes that a male mw is gay or can't get a proper job - obviously feeling inferior!

hotbot · 04/12/2007 20:32

i did go to a male massauer becos i was too cowardly to say yes i objected to it,,(hoping he was strerotypically gay)
he was definately gay , and the best masseur ever, didnt regret it

hotbot · 04/12/2007 20:34

cant type....
but if you feel uncomfotable you should be brave and say so, equally if you dont get on with a female mw , you should say so

joyfulspike · 04/12/2007 20:35

I agree with Hotbot, whoever you have if you're not happy speak up.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/12/2007 20:37

Not had a male MW but did have a male Doc who was blush-inducungly fit examine my fanjo after ds2 to determine wether the blood I was losing was from a small tear or haemorrage.

An old wrinkly would have been fine, but I would have much preferred to looked half decent in the presence of such a hottie!
LOL

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/12/2007 20:37

*inducingly

cazboldy · 04/12/2007 20:38

i had a male mw during my ante natal care with dd, he was lovely and was a laugh a minute, was hoping he would be there for my hb, but wasn't unfortunately....at the time I was really disappointed!

Santasmissyontheside · 04/12/2007 20:39

i had a couple with dd1 i had a young student male mw and bless him i gave him abuse! i also had a male consultant.

with dd2 i had a male doc after i had ruptured placenta

Original poster
micegg · 04/12/2007 20:41

LOTF

OP posts:
oxocube · 04/12/2007 20:42

A male midwife delivered ds 3 at home. He was fabulous. There were 4 midwives (the other 3 were women) in the team and I was very lucky to get him as he was the best! I didn't feel at all uncomfortable - I guess if you do, you should address the issue now though

Rohan · 04/12/2007 20:44

I had a male MW when I was pg. He checked I was OK with having him as my MW, it didn't bother me at all if I'm honest. I'm not really bothered who's down there, it's the fact that they're down there that bothers me!!

As it happened he left before I gave birth so I only saw him twice but I wouldn't have minded had he been at the birth. I think men who are actively interested in birth give it a lot of respect, and the labouring woman feels that. Some (but by no means all) women who have been there done that can be a bit 'Yes dear' or eyerolling about the whole thing.

If it makes you uncomfortable though then by all means speak up. Everyone is different and you should have the right to choose your birth attendants. I'm sure noone would be surprised or offended.

whomovedmychocolate · 04/12/2007 20:47

I had a male mw for part of my first pregnancy and he was fab - he wasn't very interested in prodding me, was exceptionally camp but really caring and I loved him, I wish I could have kept him and taken him home because he clearly loved looking after women and babies and was so relaxed about everything (no doubt because he was safe in the knowledge he'd never have a baby shooting out of him!)

But if you are uncomfortable you have a right to ask to be only cared for by women (which in an emergency they reserve the right to ignore to save your life or your baby's life).

Original poster
micegg · 04/12/2007 20:52

Rohan - good point. Maybe it is just anyone being down there thats the problem rather then who . Just getting my knickers in a twist about having to give birth again. Note to self: stop reading horror stories on netmums and go and so the ironing.

OP posts:
Original poster
micegg · 04/12/2007 20:52

Woops - meant mumsnet and go and DO the ironing.

OP posts:
walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 04/12/2007 20:56

Interesting thread!

Have just asked DH and he said absolutely no way would he want me to have a male MW. Quite shocked at his reaction as he is normally V laid back!

I personally wouldn't like it, during the pushing phase of my labour, a male trainee dr wanted to come in to watch but I refused and said I didn't feel comfortable.

It is your labour and your body. It is hard enough as it is. If you don't feel comfortable then say so. Please.

SazzaK · 05/12/2007 20:29

Yes in early stages (and exam and all). Cringed and wished he'd go away. Then shifts changed and was in the hands of a pretty crap female midwife who was not reassuring, a bit panicky, and very cold. How I longed for the bloke back! Now I don't care. I'm having an obstetrician next time and may well have a bloke.

AussieSim · 05/12/2007 20:42

I had one for part of the labour for DS2 and I felt a little uncomfortable but then thought - oh what the hell! If its his job its his job! He was on the phone with me too before my DH arrived home to get me to the hospital and he was very caring. For DC3 I think I am even more chilled out. Birth Plans are something to keep pregnant women busy and may go right out the window the moment a baby is on the way so I don't get caught up in them anymore. Especially as my DH and I are more experienced by no. 3 and I trust my OB.

BitTiredNow · 05/12/2007 20:45

I had a male mw for ist stage of ds1 and he was great - I was v shocked when I first arrived - stupidly - but once he spoke, I found him v relaxing and would have liked him there for the whole thing.