Male MW

[micegg]

I have a feeling I will get pounced on for this but this is how I feel. I have just found out there is a male MW working on the labour ward at the hospital I am booked into. My initial thoughts were that it made me feel uncomfortable as I see labour as a very intimate experience. Its not just the internal exams but also the stitching, etc. Then I spoke to a few people who pointed out that would I be so worried if it were a male doc. TBH, Yes I would. I would feel umcomfortable and would probably prefer a female examine me. Having said that I have never been faced with the situation. However, the thing with midwives is that its an intimate process (IMO). Not just the internals but just the general being at that end IYKWIM. I am not normally such a wuss about things like this but need to work out whether I want something on my birth plan to say I only want a female midwife. Having already had a baby I know you get to the point where you wouldnt care if the England rugby team were getting a look of your bits but I still would rather make the decision now whilst I am not in that state. Anyone had experience of a male MW whilst they were in labour?

i had one and he was great. when my eyes were closed when pushing hearing 2 deep voices (with DH) was great for me. Didnt even think about him looking at me 'down there'...that's embarressing but part of the course whoever's there!!

I hate the idea of male midwives and yes I admit it I am a hypocrite as I have no problem with male gynaecologists. What a really weird job choice for a man I would refuse point blank for one to attend to me.

I would have no problems with a male midwife.

One of my friends was a male mw - has since changed career.

When he was allocated to a woman he would first enter the room and introduce himself and acknowledge that they - woman and birth partner - may be surprised/uncomfortable that he was male. He then went on to say that he would go and get some tea and leave them for a few minutes to talk about it, and if they felt at all uncomfortable he would fetch a female colleague and it was no problem. I think only once or twice did he get turned away. He made it easy for them to say "no way!"

Btw he is a married man with several children of his own.

He felt more uncomfortable himself when doing community visits and if (on the rare occasion) an internal was needed; he felt that he should request a chaperone. Generally he found ways round this - e.g visit later when her dp/dh was at home or a colleague could chaperone him.

I found it a little odd I have to admit, that when I was pg he was fab with advice about my hyperemesis. He was also really pro-b/f partly because his wife had managed to b/feed all of theirs.

Same as I would have no probs with a male paramedic, a male GP or a male gynaecologist, all of whom could have a part to play in a labour.

i had a male student midwife, he was very nice, and actually very gentle when places monitors etc on. he asked a lot of questions and was just very nice. he was there when dd3 was born and it never crossed my mind that it may be seen as odd or i should feel uncomfortable. i think he was a very calming presence in the room.

also had a male hv, also lovely.

I can't see why there should be a problem. I had male obstetricians and (I think) registrars at the induction and birth of both dds. Actually, I don't have a clue what job role they had. I wouldn't have minded a male MW. Lollipops' frinds sounded like he was a top MW.

when i first saw the thread i thought hmmm not too sure .... but with both births of dd and ds both emergency c-s and when i think back, although had female mw everyone else (consultant,anenthetist (sp??), nurse) were all male and i didn't bat an eyelid... mind you i was so doped up i couldn't bat anything

excuse my spelling. I must preview.

There was a male midwife on the Post Natal ward when I had DS -I only saw him for the one shift which was a shame as he seemed lovely (funny, reassuring, supportive and , most importantly, gave you his time).

I wouldn't have a problem with a male midwife during birth -after all, by the time it gets to labour you can end up with all manner of folks drifting in and out of the room to help or observe

He was a top MW

Frequently when he was on call in the night for b/f enquiries (this was before the days when the NHS gave all community staff mobiles) his dw used to answer the phone. The lady on the other end would immediately launch into her worries, assuming that his dw was the midwife.

She would then have to interrupt the lady, and go and fetch her dh, which could be a bit disconcerting initially for the caller!

I had one during my labour with DS2, and I didn't like him at all. Nothing to do with the fact that he was a man though, more to do with his general manner. At the actual moment of birth there were probably 8 people in the room (I had my eyes shut ), and I couldn't have cared less who saw. In fact, due to my slow progression, and the fact it was a VBAC, the MW's got a consultant to check after a lot of internals. However, an internal doesn't feel as intimate as the stitching bit, as it's all done under cover etc. However, during my stitching my mum and MW sat and had a good chat, and I just zoned out, so if it had been a man, I'm not sure I would have cared! (DH had gone with DS2 to SCBU).

for those who are at a male midwife..

water birth and the concept of water as a pain relief, and the notion of inmedicalising birth and letting it be a natural process without hurry , was a MAN... Michel Odent.

as has been said lower down, a man that interested in birth might well be just as committed ,if not more so than a female midwife.

midwife means 'with wife/woman', surely a man can do that

is it any different to a midwife who has not had her own children?

i can understand the reticence, and if you are determined you do not want to have him there, then you are within your rights to decline his attendance at the birht. no point having someone there you don;t want. it won;t help the birth process !

is it not a bit prejudiced to object to having a mw due to his sex? Would it be OK to object if a dr was a woman? Makes me feel really sorry for those few men who decide on midwifery as a career...

So long as he is good at his job the I couldn't care less tbh. But if you are uncomfortable with the idea then you must speak up.

i actually prefer male GYNs, OBs and the like.

i always look at it this way: if you had a medical emergency you'd have no choice in the gender of the doctor or caregiver who is saving your life and it wouldn't matter so long as they do their job, so this is really no different.

i allowed junior OB/GYNs to observe my forceps delivery, and only the male ones came back to see us and thank us after the delivery.

Not a male midwife but had male docs doing internals - and by that point I really didn't care - I even remember saying to one that his exam had been the most comfortable I had experienced since being in hospital I blame the morphine!
However if you are unconmfortable with it you should put it in your birth plan.

I'd quite like a male MW I thtink, as long as he is caring (which is all I look for in any mw tbh)

A male midwife was there at the very end of my second birth in a birth centre - not sure why, but I think it was because it had gone on for so long. I was a bit unsure about it, because it was all extremely undignified (naked on birth stool, dh and I twiddling a nipple each to try to keep things moving, but at that stage I didn't really care! He looked after me the next day too and was really lovely - changed a horrible, meconium-filled nappy for me, then tucked me and baba up in bed and told us to get some sleep. I also had a male community midwife, who was nice but his visits were a bit too quick, but probably because it was our second baby and he could see we were fine. I understand your reservations, but I found both men very professional and caring.

Have never come across a male MW but it's nice to see that lots of people have, and have also had good experiences of them. I don't see why a man can't do the same job with as much dedication. Obviously, if the woman feels uncomfortable with a man helping her have her baby then it's acceptable for somethng to be said. We all have different perceptions of other people and different levels of comfort with our own bodies etc. Onepieceoflollipop's friend has a good solution, giving people the choice to change MW.

FWIW, in DH's post-birth ecstasy he kept saying that he wanted to train as a MW, saying it must be one of the best jobs in the world to help parents have their babies! He actually looked in to the possibilities of changing career too but then we decided to move abroad. I think if we ever move back he might consider it again.

You absolutely have the right to your discomfort and to express your preferences. It is certainly not discriminatory. Dh asked to see a male GP when he felt uncomfortable about being examined by a female for a certain problem. Though subsequently he was OK with female docs for similar issues.

But you must accept that, in an emergency, or if there is a shortage of mws, a male mw could look after you.

CamillatheChicken - interesting point about Michel Odent, but I think he now takes the view that men in the labour room can interfere with the whole process. I don't totally understand it, but I think just by 'exuding' testosterone. I think he tends not to be present at deliveries in his own unit, because of this. I certainly remember listening to an interview with him on the radio during a long night when I was having contractions with DS1 and he was questioning whether fathers should be present because just by being male they might slow things down. I'll have to go try find some stuff on this, because does sound a bit weird. I had a male student present at ds1's birth and didn't mind, but I think if you do feel at all uncomfortable it might well interfere with your oxytocin production or whatever and potentially could slow things down, so would be better to say no.

mice... can I ask which hospital?

Have met some lovely male mws and one very unlovely male mw.