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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Tearing - tell me it’s not that bad!

94 replies

PinkFizz1 · 09/09/2021 14:53

I will be starting to TTC #1 very soon and have been watching all the baby programmes for homework 😂 but every time a woman tears and has to be stitched afterwards it really really cringes me out, for want of a better phrase.

It looks horrific and worse than childbirth. Honestly every time I see it it makes me have quick second thoughts about the whole thing. Please can someone who has had a childbirth tear/stitches etc give me some positive stories!!

OP posts:

PurBal · 09/09/2021 16:34

I tore. I didn’t get the “stinging pain” when I peed like people said I would. It was no biggy. There were other things about my recovery that were more uncomfortable.

Danikm151 · 09/09/2021 16:38

I tore and had to have stitches. Only gas and air during gas and air so they stuck a pain reliever up my bum! That was the horrible part- more embarrassed than anything
Once you’re in the moment you just go with it

loafcake · 09/09/2021 16:41

I didn't really feel my tears when they happened, I had 4 internal ones and the midwife put a bit of anaesthetic in and stitched them up super quick whilst I was feeding baby for the first time. Not the worst thing at all, at the time.

It was awful trying to pee though, so I'd definitely recommend being prepared 'just in case' and having a squeezy peri bottle or jug or something and POUND the water after you give birth (so the wee is really diluted). But they checked my stitches at the postpartum appointments and they dissolved fairly quickly and now I'm having another! So can't be too bad 😂😅😅

FinallySomeNormality · 09/09/2021 16:42

Slight tear (1st degree) with first baby - wasn't stitched as with small tears they say heals better if left. It was pretty bloody awful and sore I won't lie. But the graze was far worse! However both healed c quickly!

I'd say that at the actual time of tearing you don't really know about it. It's only after that it kind of sucks!

allfurcoatnoknickers · 09/09/2021 16:44

You're not the only one, I was terrified too OP. I used to have actual nightmares and panic attacks about tearing and episiotomies.

DS was breech and I got to have a c-section. Best day of my life when I found out . I promised DS a BMW for his 21st birthday for being in an awkward position and getting me out of a vaginal delivery.

(DS is 2, I'm joking, sort of)

dollyknocker · 09/09/2021 16:47

I had a pretty horrific tear with my first (4th degree, right through into my bowel) which caused a pretty bad PPH and I had to be rushed into theatre and have an epidural to be stitched up afterwards.

I had absolutely no problems with my healing, and chose to have another vaginal birth with my second. In fact I fought the hospital as they wanted me to have a section. Second birth was well controlled and I only had to have a couple of stitches afterwards.

LouNatics · 09/09/2021 16:48

There’s also the distinct possibility you won’t tear. I’ve never had a tear, cut or stitches in all my pregnancies and births. I didn’t massage the area because I had no idea that was a thing.

But I wouldn’t assume you would tear or need stitches.

I wouldn’t watch childbirth on TV either as every time I’ve seen the programmes the women are treated abysmally and it makes me angry.

MiddleParking · 09/09/2021 16:49

It looks horrific and worse than childbirth.

Yeah, about that last bit…

ohfook · 09/09/2021 16:53

Ok I had a v nasty tear with my first (needed to go into theatre afterwards and have physio). I was dreading tearing all through my pregnancy because of how much I thought it would hurt and all I can say is it doesn't feel how you would think your vagina ripping through to your arsehole would feel. I certainly wouldn't have guessed I'd torn. To me it felt like pressure - like someone was pressing down on my bum from the inside. Uncomfortable and weird but not excruciating.

I was very worried about the aftermath but the hospital referred my for physio and wouldn't discharge me until they were satisfied I was fully healed. That included being told that I would continue having physio until I'd had sex again because I wouldn't be able to tell them if there were any problems in that area until we'd done it. It felt very odd being given sex homework by a medical professional!

Also my hospital has a policy of offering anyone with a third or fourth degree year an elcs with any subsequent pregnancies.

Tee20x · 09/09/2021 16:53

2nd degree tear and a few grazes here.

Was stitched up in the delivery room by a student midwife lol so it took aaages and had a colleague overlooking what was going on but was so exhausted I just didn't even care.

No issues, all healed up perfectly - looks exactly the same as before strangely enough.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 09/09/2021 16:53

I had a second degree tear and really don't thin' it was that bad.

Labour hurt but no more than I expected it to, there was the 'ring of fire' burning sensation when I was pushing DD out but it was fleeting and kind of absorbed into just the general experience.

I knew I tore and needed stitches because they told me, not because I was in agony. I was sore, but no sorer than I expected having pushed a baby out of a small space.

They stitched me up while I was having a bit of gas n air, inserted a painkiller pessary and that was that.

For a few days after everything was tender, then there was a bit of dry/itchy soreness from the stitches but I could manage that by putting some witch hazel onto sanitary pads and freezing them for a bit before using them.

LaMadrilena · 09/09/2021 16:54

I had a 2nd degree tear. Can't say I was very aware of it happening, despite no epidural/gas and air, because it was just part of the process of pushing. The most disconcerting part was when the MW was stitching me up under local anaesthetic it seemed to take ages, I must have seen that needle go up and down a hundred times! She assured me everything was fine a d there wasn't much to fix, but I was convinced I must have been torn to pieces and she was just trying to keep me calm! Turned out she was telling the truth. There was as bit of stinging afterwards, but nothing too hard to deal with.

One bit of advice though is to lose the maternity pads asap. They're really bulky and so uncomfortable to sit on when you're swollen - skip straight to heavy duty period pads.

Kakser · 09/09/2021 16:56

I tore, quite badly the first time apparently and not so much the second, and it was a total non event. Stitches fine, recovery fine, out walking the day I got home from hospital. Literally didn't worry about it at all going into my second labour and wouldn't even think to mention it to anyone asking about childbirth.

Buddywoo · 09/09/2021 16:56

I heard myself tear, it sounded like ripping material, but I didn't feel a thing.

ofwarren · 09/09/2021 16:59

It's not the tearing, it's the stitching afterwards.
I needed gas and air 😬

Perpop · 09/09/2021 17:01

The last thing I’d do when TTC is watch those birth programmes! They’re literally made for drama, suspense and good tv! I’m nearly 39 weeks and well aware of the risks of tearing - but there are lots of things you can do to educate yourself (positive birth company hypnobirthing course for example) and prepare rather than scare yourself! They also teach you ways you can prevent tearing - obviously it can still happen but in my mind it’s better to prepare & be optimistic than scared & do nothing! Best of luck :)

Whitewolf2 · 09/09/2021 17:15

I was really scared of this too, but couldn’t feel stitching up at all due to epidural and afterwards it wasn’t too painful at all. The stitches just fall out on their own too!

hithere5677 · 09/09/2021 19:05

I've had an episiotomy first time, then 2nd degree tear and 2grazes the second time. Episiotomy was stitched up, wasn't painful at all tbh after a tiny sting of numbing injection. Healed quickly, only sting to wee for a few days and was easy if I poured a jug of water over while I weed. Once healed it didn't hurt in sex or anything. My tears and grazes were stitched, I did need gas and air during this one, but it was over quickly. Baby helps to keep you distracted! The tear and grazes actually healed incredibly quickly and you would never know it even happened now and baby is only 6 weeks old.

Jsh125 · 10/09/2021 00:17

I had a 3b tear with my first baby & a second degree with my next baby. I didn't realise either of them had happened at the time despite only having gas & air for labour

Obviously it was sore once I'd given birth but no more than I would have expected to be and I didn't know about either tear until the midwife examined me to check.

The worst bit was being stitched up, the 3b had to be done in theatre & the 2nd degree by the midwife. Neither hurt as I had a spinal for one & local anaesthetic for the other but it seemed to take forever!! The peassary is not glamorous either .

Recovery for both was really good, sitting down was uncomfortable for a few of days but I'd have expected that after pushing a baby out of a small area!! All in all I had a really positive experience & have no lasting issues despite my babies giving me quite a rough ride

repog · 10/09/2021 00:36

There was a debate whether I needed stitches but I ended up with a few. No pain whilst stitching me & no discomfort at all after. Didn't feel the tear happening either.

Had to have a CS with dd2 & the recovery was much harder than my first birth.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 10/09/2021 02:40

Tore for all 3 of mine. My advice is take a urinary alkalinizer while in labour to take the sting out of going to the toilet and freeze some water filled condoms, they are absolutely amazing on stitches/swelling down there. Better than painkillers.

CkFa · 10/09/2021 03:24

10lb baby and I was cut to avoid tearing. Healed fine. No problems.

Pikamoo · 10/09/2021 05:05

I had an episiotomy and was grateful for the epidural! If it's the pain you're worried about then there are options, get the epidural as soon as you can. Next baby I'm requesting one as soon as I arrive at the hospital.

CricketMad · 10/09/2021 05:16

Second degree tear with first 2. Second one was stitched up wrong as i was laying for 2/3 hours with the midwife waiting for someone to come and advise her how to put me back together again as it was complicated. I think she gave up in the end and just did it herself. I’m sure she closed me up too tightly because passing stools has never been the same again. Third baby, I was given a different position to birth in and I only got a minor graze, but she loosened my whole area and made my butt problem worse.

My advice? When it comes to the pushing stage, give birth on your side with the midwife/ your partner holding your leg up.

Also, if you do tear, make sure you ask if they’re experienced to sew you up. If you feel something has changed a few days after, get it seen so they can rectify it. Don’t suffer in silence like I have.

Pikamoo · 10/09/2021 05:18

Oh and as for the healing/aftermath it wasn't that bad. It was sore when the epidural wore off but painkillers sorted it out. I never had any stinging when I peed which surprised me. I did pee in our bidet with the water running for a while but found it wasn't really necessary (still felt like I was keeping it cleaner that way). I've heard some people keep a jug by the toilet and pour water over their bits while they pee if it stings. Sitting was kind of painful so I avoided sitting and mostly lay on my side.

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