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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Tearing - tell me it’s not that bad!

94 replies

PinkFizz1 · 09/09/2021 14:53

I will be starting to TTC #1 very soon and have been watching all the baby programmes for homework Grin 😂 but every time a woman tears and has to be stitched afterwards it really really cringes me out, for want of a better phrase.

It looks horrific and worse than childbirth. Honestly every time I see it it makes me have quick second thoughts about the whole thing. Please can someone who has had a childbirth tear/stitches etc give me some positive stories!!

OP posts:
idril · 09/09/2021 15:37

It's not that bad unless it's bad I guess!

I had tearing both times but didn't notice. First time needed stiches, second time left to heal naturally.

First time I felt very sore afterwards - my husband made me a doughnut out of a rolled up towel to sit on. Second time, I think it was fine.

In short, I would say just don't worry about it!

IHaveNoOneToTalkTo · 09/09/2021 15:45

I just had one very small tear and one stitch

DevonTF · 09/09/2021 15:47

My only real advise is listen to your own body first - and listen to your midwife.

I had a really quick labours with mine (both recorded a 1hr) - the first wasn't great. Essentially they didn't believe I was in labour - so no pain relief etc. Was very much silly first time mum. Put in a 'side room' with a poor lady who was 5mths, but worried as baby not moving. (still pray everything was ok for her)

My poor husband got told off for pressing the call button - I asked him to - as was very much feeling like pushing. Was told I was lucky if I was 2cm. They then said I could go to a delivery suite - I walked down fully dressed. Got on the bed - sudden panic as the head was crowning - born in 5 mins. I tore pretty badly - and yes, it bloody hurt. The stitches were done in the delivery room - and really hurt

Second was great - woke up at 4am with contractions, arrived at the hospital at 5am. Was clear what had happened last time - this midwife was amazing. She checked - said I was 1 - 2 cm. But believed me, so straight to the delivery suite. Gas and air. She stayed with me, talked me through and DS2 was born at 5.55am. No tears, no stitches. Back home by midday.

YouMeandtheSpew · 09/09/2021 15:48

Well, I wasn’t aware of it happening at the time it happened. And I’m fine now. It has healed well.

CheekyAFAIK · 09/09/2021 15:48

Don't watch one both every minute etc. Watching someone else's labour is not like going through it yourself any more than watching a sex scene is like having sex.

Labour hurts and is messy, then it's over and you have to get on with caring for and feeding a baby.

Read a couple of books for prep but enjoy your freedom to go out and about now instead of watching footage of women shrieking. Really, it won't help you!

And no, my stitches didn't hurt, I had gas and air and local anaesthetic.

Aw273 · 09/09/2021 15:50

I had an episiotomy and tore, he was big so I’d asked for a planned c-section but got steered down the induction route, ventouse delivery in the end. Exactly what I’d wanted to avoid with a c-section. The actual tearing and stitching was fine (epidural), but recovery was very slow and painful, and every bowel movement for a few weeks after was terrifying because I felt like the stitches would tear. Horrible horrible experience and I wish I’d pushed harder for the c-section. Couldn’t face sex for months after, and now a year later the scar tissue still hurts a bit during my period, so I can’t use tampons or a moon cup any more :(

NameChangeinHaste · 09/09/2021 15:51

9lb baby here, no tears. Lots of perineal massage in the months running up to due date.

BigPyjamas · 09/09/2021 15:54

I tore with my first, 3rd degree. Didn't feel it at the time but a long recovery. All 100% fine now.

I also tore with my second, didn't notice, a few stitches in the delivery room. Genuinely didn't give it another thought afterwards. Healed perfectly, no pain or discomfort.

I was terrified of tearing, I think it stopped me pushing with the first. Everyone in my NCT group tore, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Hope you can enjoy your pregnancy, birth and wonderful baby.

Cornettoninja · 09/09/2021 15:54

I was cut for a ventouse birth rather than teared, no idea how many stitches although I did ask and just earned myself an odd look Hmm it all healed nicely and I was in my jeans crossed leg on the floor quite comfortably when I had my first home visit from the health visitor/midwife.

If I had any advice for a potential mother it would be to look up various success rates for interventions etc for your age group and baby’s presentation. I had an induction for going overdue and wish I’d paid more attention to the rates of women my age having inductions without needing to step up to other interventions. I would have saved myself the whole experience to just pushed to go straight to CS tbh.

Stircraazy · 09/09/2021 15:56

I needed 16 stitches with DC3 - but was ok afterwards.

Stef92 · 09/09/2021 15:59

I had a grade 3a tear which I am told has healed very well! I had to go for physio 6 weeks after birth and then again for a follow up and they were pleased with the progress. You have to do pelvic floor exercises. I'm told I will likely need to have a section if I'm to have any other children but I'm pleased with my recovery after the initial first 6 weeks of hell.

Tinacollada · 09/09/2021 15:59

2 DCs. Both vaginal births, both second degree tears.

In my experience the stitches are most DEFINITELY NOT worse than childbirth itself.

No negative feedback since Grin

ForkedIt · 09/09/2021 15:59

Had a 3a tear with my first birth (3rd and 4th degree tears are the ones they class as ‘bad’).
I honestly didn’t feel the tear, or even the baby crowing for that matter - it was all pressure rather than pain.
I was taken to theatre, given an epidural and stitched up. In hindsight it wasn’t ideal to be separated from baby and DH but at the time I felt fine about it! They didn’t take me through for a couple of hours after she’d been born so plenty of time for skin to skin and first feed.
All healed fine, was home on paracetamol and ibuprofen which I took for a couple of weeks until my supply ran out and realised I probably didn’t actually need them at that point! All healed fine and planning a second vaginal birth in the next few weeks.

Lady1576 · 09/09/2021 15:59

I had a second degree tear but didn’t notice at all at the time. The sewing bit was a bit uncomfortable - for me - worse than the actual birth but only because I had quite an easy, quick birth and during the birth you are ‘in the zone’ whereas the stitching happens when you are more ‘with it’. However it was not bad, not worse than a blood test for me. Afterwards the area felt delicate but no major problems. No big worries for first visits to the loo etc. Sex felt quite tight for a bit…. That was probably the most awkward bit, but tearing was not as big a deal as I was expecting and certainly not a reason to be put off having an adorable child!

Twizbe · 09/09/2021 16:04

I had a third degree tear with my first. That means I didn't go all the way through to the anus but close.

I honestly didn't feel it. I was surprised when the midwife said I tore.

She stitched me up and I had both a local and gas and air. She told me to get very high on the gas and I did. I proper thought I was lying on the beach. When I reality I was totally naked with my legs in stirrups. I think it was quite zig zag as well. There was a student midwife watching who commented on it not being straight like the practice models. I was so high though lol.

When I had my second baby 2 years later I assumed I'd tear again. It felt just like the birth of number one. Imagine my surprise when the midwife said I hadn't! I had the same midwife both times and she was very impressed with her handy work lol.

Chelyanne · 09/09/2021 16:08

Tore from V2A with the 3rd, had no idea it had happened until the midwife told me. They numbed it to stitch me up, popped a finger up my bum to check they'd not stitched to my bowel which sounds odd now but I really didn't care at the time lol.
Episitotomies with eldest 2, was told they were doing it beforehand though. All healed up well but scar tissue on tear is a bit thin.
2 cesarean sections, infections both times. 1st one was cleared up with antibiotics quickly. 2nd still on antibiotics atm, 2nd week of them and it's being more of a bugger (baby has just turned 1mth).

puffasocks · 09/09/2021 16:19

As others have said, couldn’t really feel the tear when in the moment of giving birth and by that stage, you want the baby out so you don’t really care. The word ‘tear’ makes it sound so awful but it doesn’t have to be. It can be quite tender in the days afterwards but I didn’t care - I had my beautiful baby and was basically drugged up on all the oxytocin flowing round my body Grin

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 09/09/2021 16:22

Compared to the rest of the shit show of a birth, the tear was nowhere near as traumatic as I expected.

Mine was 2nd degree and needed a fair few stitches. I was warned that I would probably need some surgery afterwards as the stitch job was a mess. I don't recall much actual pain from the tear as I also had an episiotomy. I'd had an epidural and spinal block so no pain until later.

My stitches burst after a couple of days (which the midwife said was impossible so she refused to check them). I'd been bathing them with salt water but still ended up with an infection. I had 2 rounds of antibiotic for that and as they don't re-do stitches it took much longer to heal. I had to sit at a funny angle for a few weeks due to the pain of sitting on the stitch site, but it healed surprising well.

I didn't need the surgery afterwards and have no noticeable difference in the skin at all, no lumps etc (18mths later). It did take a while to get to that point though and at one point I was very worried it would never be normal again.

mummyh2016 · 09/09/2021 16:26

I had a second degree tear. Didn't feel it and didn't know until the midwife pointed it out. Stitched up with a local anaesthetic and gas and air. No issues.

Soubriquet · 09/09/2021 16:28

Tore so badly with dd I needed corrective surgery a year later

It caused thick scar tissue that made everything painful. Couldn’t even have sex

Tore again with ds but it actually made things a little bit better

BertieBotts · 09/09/2021 16:30

First and second degree tears are the common and while it's still not nice, they aren't a huge deal, you don't feel when it happens as everything is so intense anyway and they do tend to heal quickly in about a year absolute max. Normally just a few weeks going along with the general post birth recovery.

It's the third and fourth degree tears which are worse and they are much rarer.

There are things you can do to reduce your chance of testing. The biggest one is staying upright during the birth as much as you can and another is considering giving birth or at least labouring in water. Water birth results in a slightly higher number of first and second degree tears but a lower chance of tearing overall, and they think the higher number of first and second degree are because those would have been worse tears if the woman had been on dry land.

ATieLikeRichardGere · 09/09/2021 16:30

Had an episiotomy. Stitched up nicely. Zero problems. Barely thought about it after the birth (or even during) and no idea where the cut even was to be honest.

OnTheBrink1 · 09/09/2021 16:30

Positive here.
Tore with baby 1. Didn’t feel the tear one bit.
Had no pain relief except gas and air.
Baby’s head coming out is like a burning sensation but honestly my mid and body was just so focussed on getting her out and it passes quickly. 100% better than csection I had to have for second baby.
Gas and air for a numbing injection there afterwards - sounds horrible but actually just felt like any other injection plus my newborn baby was there and I was elated she was here.
Carried on with gas and air for the stitches which I didn’t really feel due to being numb - certainly no pain.
Stitches dissolved, didn’t know they were there.
Didn’t hurt to pee or poo at all afterwards
I have an extremely low pain threshold usually and it was all better than expected.
Honesty you don’t feel it if you tear - it sounds so much more horrific than in reality

FTEngineerM · 09/09/2021 16:31

Well.. what are you going to do? Not let them stitch it back up? 🕳

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 09/09/2021 16:33

I had a 2nd degree tear, an episiotomy and grazing after giving birth to my 2nd. (My 1st was an emergency section). Not going to lie, it was extremely painful to attempt to sit on the toilet, to walk, to get in the car, go upstairs.