Please bear with me this post may be long. Basically after 5 years and a successful IVF round I am 40.2 today. I will try and be brief but feeling very down worried and anxious.
Although it’s an ivf pregnancy I was considered low risk ( after a discussion with my ivf consultant) and that I should be treated like every other pregnancy. Which I have until now.
On Saturday at 40 weeks had midwife couldn’t be sure how baby was presenting so sent me for a scan. This was after a sweep attempt. The area I live the care is midwife led unless high risk and general hospital is an hours drive or more away not in the area.
Turned out baby was breech.
Yesterday was in hospital to try and turn baby which didn’t work.
Yesterday the consultant and doctor and midwife questioned me and made me feel awful like I’m already a bad mum. Questions like why I was allowed to go Over when the medical guidelines state that ivf pregnancy shouldn’t and I should have been induced before hand. Why I wasn’t consultant led from the start with the risk involved etc. All of which I don’t know the answer to. All I know is i have been happy with the level of care I have received from midwife team locally.
So now tomorrow I am going in again to try and turn the baby which may or may not work. If it does it will start an induction and if not I will have a cesarian. Those are the only options. I know many many woman have both But I just wanted a calmer labour in the birth centre that I know.
I am terrified by a cesarian section I am scared that I won’t be allowed or able to hold baby or have the skin to skin that I want. The midwife said I wouldn’t manage anything when baby is born and it be up to DH to do everything in terms of putting nappy on and his hat and holding him. I’m scared I won’t be baby’s mum.
If I’m induced I hate the fact but understand why my partner can’t be there for most of it. If I’m induced he can stay at start for a short time then join for active labour.
I hate the idea of my legs in stirrups totally and utterly hate the idea after ivf I am very anxious about this.
I know my birth plan has gone to pot and I just get the impression it will be ignored anyway. Even if elements can be done.
All of above terrifies me and makes me down.
I want to shake off how I feel but have woke up feeling worse.