I am scared !

[Theyarealltaken]

I am sure my post is not very original and there were thousands similar on that website but I am terrified of giving birth !
I’m currently 34 weeks (first baby), planning on having my baby in a birth centre. I 100% trust my body and I know I will be able to do it as most woman do but the thought of pain is just awful and paralysing...I’ve seen videos of woman screaming in agony and I really don’t want to feel that ☹️ Is it really that bad? Did anyone have a “painful but manageable” experience ? I know there are many ways to help yourself, I bought tens machine, I’m aware of diamorphine and a epidural but I need to get to that point first 😱

Well for a start if you're in a MLU you cant have an epidural, you'd have to be transferred to a ward. Do the rooms have birthing pools? I birthed in the pool with my first and although the experience was amazing I wont lie it was painful. I had pethidine which made me sleepy between contractions but my baby was back to back so my contractions were mega intense. Honestly though, once you start feeling the urge to push your body takes over and you just know you gotta get that baby out! X

For me the pain during labour wasn’t so much pain as immense pressure. I yelled and moaned but it wasn’t in a scared ‘this is agony’ type of way, more of an intense physical exertion way!

I found both of my labours positive, manageable experiences. I had gas and air with both and stayed upright for the whole duration. I even delivered my babies standing up and really believe that gravity helped with my quick labours.

Don’t be scared. Your midwife will be a fantastic support and you’ll be looked after the whole way through.

Have an epidural.

My second birth was beautiful.

I had her in the pool in the MLU with just gas and air.

Did it hurt? Yes. Was it unbearable? No. With the water and gas and air I had a few contractions that I felt no pain during.

Pushing felt like doing a massive constipated poo. Again, uncomfortable but not painful as such.

The best part? Once baby is out, the pain stops.

I know I’m Strange, but I love labouring. I didm’t experience pain in any of my labours so much as an overwhelming sense of female power and strength. I would do it again tomorrow, willingly.

I very much recommend a book called Stand And Deliver. It’s full of positive stories of every kind of birth imaginable. A great read.

Take all the drugs offered!

It's painful yes but I didn't find it agonising.
I had gas and air which helped through the confections.

Contractions!*

I'm not Gona rose tint this,OP.

Have an epidural.

I highly recommend doing the digital course of the positive birthing company. Very factual and reassuring! I felt much better informed after doing this and wish I had done it with my first, also epidurals are amazing but I didn't need one with every birth so just go with what your body needs at the time but I felt better being in a hospital where it was an available option rather than standalone MLU.

thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk/digital-pack

It is completely natural to feel scared! I gave birth 9 months ago now and I can still remember feeling incredibly nervous about what was to come when I went into labour. It really helped me to learn in advance about the stages of labour and what would be happening and what I might be feeling. So that I could rationalise that. So for example I knew when I was transitioning as I started to feel panicked but the midwife and doctor supported me through it.

I also made sure I was aware of pain relief options and make sure my partner could advocate for me if I wasn't able to. I hadn't ruled anything out and just wanted to see what I needed and when.

I won't pretend everyone's experience is the same, but honestly it was the best day of my life. Yes you a birthing a baby so it's painful but for me it was manageable. In the end I used gas and air although I was on the point of an epidural but in the end didn't have one.

I would do it again tomorrow in a heartbeat. And not just because I got my beautiful baby boy, but also because I found it incredibly empowering.

You can do it ❤️

If you have a natural labour, then there are some painful bits but it’s not constant and you do get “breaks” in between which make the whole process more manageable in my opinion.

I also found the gas and air quite helpful, more because it was something to bite on and also a way to focus more on massive breaths in than the actual pain relieving effects. However, pay attention to the midwife if you do use gas and air, as they will tell you how to use it. I kept starting it too late but if you start breathing slowly and deeply as soon as a contraction starts to build then you can manage to be a little away with the fairies for a second when the contraction hits its peak.

For me, once it was time to push the contractions totally changed and were not really painful anymore just an incredible force helping you to push the baby down. If at all possible, it is at that point that tuning into your body is amazing. By that I mean, try to really go with everything that your body is telling you to do because it really does tell you. The head coming out part feels very odd and is a little bit painful or stingy but mostly uncomfortable. It does mean you’re nearly there however.

Finally, I don’t know if others have found this, but for my first baby, during the first pushes i was trying to push through my vagina because that’s where I knew the baby was coming out. However, it was really ineffective and actually you really do need to just push right into your bottom like they tell you and let all of those muscles help you too.

One more thing, I’ve done it 4 times and it’s all 100% worth it, good luck.

Of course you're scared - you've never done this before!
First tip - stay away from Google! You will see many horrendous births, but remember they are not representative.
Secondly, go with what your body is doing. Giving birth is an instinctive thing.
For many reasons which are not relevant, my first birth was a long and admittedly painful one.
However, I made the decision that I would ask for any pain relief and just 'go with it' for my second, which was relatively quick and not too painful.
A birthing centre sounds like a good place to be - they are ready to help you, but can get you more help should you need it.
Anyone who says that giving birth is a liar - it does hurt, but it's a 'good pain' if you see what I mean.
I did find that being in transition was scary (as many women do), but expressing that to the midwife meant that she could help and reassure me.
All in all, say what you are feeling, and listen to your midwife. They will guide you through.

Can’t you go to a hospital where you have an option of a birth centre but also a labour ward?

Loved my epidural and loved my birth. The pushing stage was amazing and the best experience of my life. We need more positive birth stories where women happily accept pain relief!

I’m sorry but I really hate all this pressure and social media boasting crap around natural birth ‘your body knows what to do etc’. Just take as much pain relief as you want. No one gets any medals.

That’s great if you don’t need it. But honestly, my baby was back to back there’s no way I’d go through that without an epidural. Way too traumatic.

I am due twins in a few months I’ll be getting my epi in nice and early (if I get a natural birth). I’m not scared about giving birth because I know the options are there- I felt this weird guilt around taking it last time but I feel like I’m much wiser now!

My first was just gas and air
My second I screamed epidural

God I wish I’d had an epidural with my first! There’s no prize for withstanding more pain that necessary.

I've had two children and labours were not difficult, nor took very long, Theyarerealtaken. I didn't have any medication because I thought it might slow things down.

It's natural to be a little scared but don't let the fear spoil the rest of your pregnancy. I've been told that a birthing pool really helps and you know you can have Pethidine if you need it.

Think positively, if the medics involved are sure everything is as it should be with you and your baby, there's no reason to suppose birth will not go smoothly. Keep fit and healthy until then.

Yep, painful but manageable. I laboured in the pool and gave birth out on mats. No drugs or gas and air

Its completely normal to be scared, OP! Giving birth is such a major life-transforming event and the fact is nobody can predict how its going to be. The best outcome is a healthy mother and baby, regardless of how you get to that point so if you need drugs or pain relief- ask for them!

I've given birth 3 times in a pool in the birth centre with only gas & air. I didn't find it particularly painful- for me, the most painful part after DS3 was born, was when he was put on my chest and the cord was quite taut, so rubbed against my clitoris which was quite sore. Seriously that was a lot more painful than the contractions or birth itself. I made them clamp and cut the cord even though i'd wanted delayed cord clamping because I couldn't stand the pain!

It is possible for birth to be painful but manageable. I find that knowledge really is power- educate yourself as much as possible and keep an open mind.

Best of luck!

I gave birth 6 months ago and I still remember the fear I felt right up until that first contraction. Then it turned to excitement (and fear but a different kind) because I knew I was going to meet my baby. It's hard, it's painful but its temporary. Personally I ended up with an epidural after a 3 day labour, but if I hadn't been going so long I fully believe I could have managed without the epidural. The midwives were amazing in my experience and as a previous poster said when they tell you to push into your bum believe them because it does help. Even with the epidural there was some discomfort but just take what you need and don't go in set with a perfect plan. Labour is something you can't really plan for, aim for what you would like but do whatever it takes to get you through in the best possible way for you.

Well don't have your baby in a MLU if you're stressed because you're afraid of pain. Go to hospital and have an epidural. You can have your baby without agony. There are no medals given for going through a painful experience without the pain relief modern medicine offers.

Another vote for the positive birth company digital course.

I've had two births and expecting a third any day now. No gas and air, it's not available in the country I live in, only epidural is available and for the first I didn't ask for it to see up to where I could manage. in the end, I managed all the way through without it. For my second, it happened so fast that I didn't get time to even ask for an epidural!

What helped me the most to stay focused was the thought that the pain wouldn't last forever, and it really doesn't. Yes, it's painful, but it wasn't the most agony I've been in. And I kept thinking 'it's not forever, it's not forever' and got through it. You will too! Know what your options are regarding pain relief and don't feel afraid to ask for it. Your body knows what to do.

Like others have said, painful but not unmanageable at all for me. I managed to nearly 10cm without pain relief (would of had it earlier, long story).
As the pain starts low and builds at each contraction you have time to get used to it before it levels up.

I did all the way to pushing without pain relief, I had a water birth, just a bit of gas and air, some very low level grunting for the last few pushes. No screaming no drama no crying. 20 mins bush bash bosh. First baby.

Hope that reassured you @Theyarealltaken

It's normal to be scared, but honestly don't watch those videos! They are really not going to help if you're feeling fearful.

I had three pretty straightforward births. First one gas and pethidine, second one no drugs at all, third one gas. Epidurals were not an option for me, for various reasons. All the births went fine, obviously painful at the time but when I asked for more pain relief and felt like I couldn't go through any more, the midwives said it was time to push and it was almost over.

Yes, births can go wrong, and it's naive to think it will definitely be sunshine and roses. But most births are boring, everyday miracles - painful with a happy ending.