I am scared !

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I am sure my post is not very original and there were thousands similar on that website but I am terrified of giving birth !
I’m currently 34 weeks (first baby), planning on having my baby in a birth centre. I 100% trust my body and I know I will be able to do it as most woman do but the thought of pain is just awful and paralysing...I’ve seen videos of woman screaming in agony and I really don’t want to feel that ☹️ Is it really that bad? Did anyone have a “painful but manageable” experience ? I know there are many ways to help yourself, I bought tens machine, I’m aware of diamorphine and a epidural but I need to get to that point first 😱

Agree with @ShirleyPhallus that the knowledge that it's going to happen is the bit that makes you anxious. When you're doing it you just do it. Position of the baby makes a massive difference on pain levels too. If baby is back to back for example, then pain tends to be worse, as it does if you're induced as there is no build up to get you to that point.

You do hear some screamers but that's often a good way to release.

Pain relief is there for you to use. No one gets a medal at the end for avoiding an epidural. I had an epidural at after 19 hours of labour and 7 of those were me contracting every other minute in absolute agony because my daughter was transverse and back to back 🥴. Then the epidural just took the pain away. Bliss. I had an emergency c-section in the end but I'm inclined to go for a vbac in future because I want to experience the full works again. You really do forget.

Probably a bit late for you now but you can get that thing that stretches your vagina out so you can sort of practice. Can't remember what it's called.

I had a v positive outlook, believed in my body, did all the hypnobirthing stuff etc. I wasn't worried. I had a v difficult time indeed. My body didn't know what to do. I won't give details as it doesn't help anybody but I do gently request that people don't call people's honest accounts horror stories because it encourages you to reject them as lurid, hyped, slightly embellished things that Definitely Won't Happen. My struggles came not from what happened to me but from the feelings of intense failure. Ironically, with my second, I went in expecting nothing and determined to go with the flow. And it didn't hurt at all and I had no drugs (bar a spinal block for a repeat emcs after a long but happy labour). With my first, I should have accepted that I didn't know what would happen, remained open to pain relief and intervention and not endured the whole thing for as long as I did with no help.

So my advice is plan for every eventuality, hope for the best and let yourself be open to what you need on the day.

Good luck!

I had a fantastic birth. It was quick and he was big (>9lb) but born with no pain relief on the MLU. I wouldn't call what I experienced pain, rather just an unbelievable amount of pressure. I felt like superwoman afterwards. People delight in telling horror stories and you have to remember that tv programs are designed for entertainment. Have a look at Emily Norris on YouTube - she recorded her birth and it was such a calm experience.

Home birth this time 🤞🏼

I guess my gentle request not to call people's real and lived experiences "horror stories" fell on deaf ears. It's so dismissive. We need to listen carefully to what it is that was challenging when people talk about birth in order to offer better support. And we really need to lose the false dichotomy. Natural, easy labour =good and instrumental or tough labour =bad is SO damaging. My emcs with DS sounds like it should be negative when I laughed, smiled and positively enjoyed it. It is NOT a horror story. I do not talk about it with delight because I am trying to shock people I'm being honest about a v common eventuality and trying to demystify it.

It hurts a lot. The closest comparison, for me, was a combination toon of really awful period pain/food poisoning pain and the kind of cramp you get in your calf sometimes - the kind of overpowering sensation that makes you yell involuntarily.
BUT I did enjoy labour! I felt powerful, supported, and high as a kite on gas and air I ended up needing an emergency csection and even that was fine. Honestly, you’ll be ok. Expect it to hurt, try to relax and be zen about it, and take each contraction as it comes

@Wearywithteens

“Probably a bit late for you now but you can get that thing that stretches your vagina out so you can sort of practice. Can't remember what it's called.”

What bizarre advice

Anyhoo - OP I was you. Crying at supermarket checkouts when I looked down at my bump and realised that would have to come out! Even with my 3rd I was terrified.

The answer is epidural. Forget the birth centre. All the beanbags and whale music in the world is not as relaxing and as wonderful as proper pain relief, administered early (not in an emergency). With my 3rd I did it properly, got an epidural in at 3cm. We were laughing, chatting and as soon as I delivered I hopped off the bed and had a bubble bath and a 6 hour discharge. Was home in my own bed with baby the same day.

If you want grunting, screaming and maximin pain, convince yourself that breathing and some back rubbing will be enough. If you want a relaxed, Khloe Kardashian type birth go for elective epidural.

How is that bizarre? The entire point of it is to prepare you for the pain of childbirth.

I loved giving birth! I found it a brilliant experience each time, full of excitement and energy and strength I didn't know I had. It was hard work and there was pain but remember there are gaps.

I found the Stand and Deliver book mentioned earlier really good too. Plus hypnobirthing podcasts and imagery really worked for me. Tips like always relaxing your hands helps you to relax the rest of your body, controlling my breathing and making sounds on each out breath was really effective. I found stretching and rocking and dancing, swaying, circling my hips etc through the contractions really helped too. I went to active birth yoga classes and found a lot fo the techniques helpful even in my v long labour.

My labours are some of my most treasured memories and I envy those who get to do it! Good luck!

Understandable to feel scared but worth finding out about the physiology of birth. The basics, from what I can remember is that oxytocin is a natural pain reliever and adrenaline blocks the oxytocin signals. So basically, getting into a scared/panicky state might actually make it more painful. With my first I'd read about hypnoborthinf but didn't 'do it ' beyond practising deep breathing- which is incredibly powerful. I had pethidine and gas and air and gave birth in the pool. Amazing experience albeit painful. Second I had done pregnancy yoga and learnt sk.e proper breathing techniques which were SO SO helpful. I had gas and air. Definitely painful but it is such an amazing and powerful experience when it's a positive one. Good luck OP!

@ShowOfHands

I guess my gentle request not to call people's real and lived experiences "horror stories" fell on deaf ears. It's so dismissive. We need to listen carefully to what it is that was challenging when people talk about birth in order to offer better support. And we really need to lose the false dichotomy. Natural, easy labour =good and instrumental or tough labour =bad is SO damaging. My emcs with DS sounds like it should be negative when I laughed, smiled and positively enjoyed it. It is NOT a horror story. I do not talk about it with delight because I am trying to shock people I'm being honest about a v common eventuality and trying to demystify it.

This! My birth with DS1 was long and exhausting, and ended in a (non emergency) EMCS. It was fine, I never felt like I'd failed. I'd gone into the MLU wafting lavender oil and clary sage and doing hypnobirthing. No amount of positive thought was going to change the fact that DS1 was in the wrong position and was stuck from the off. Its not a horror story, it's just what happened. And it was fine. And my birth has absolutely no bearing on what anyone else's birth will be like.

Just go in prepared to change your mind and see what happens. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

Contractions - I counted aloud through each and every one, I soon realised that the peak of the pain was around my count of 24 and 25 and then it tailed off, I found it so helpful, I could grit my teeth from my count of 18 onwards and my partner took over with counting 23, 24 and 25, I then joined back in at 26. It gave me total focus but even more, it helped me judge and manage the pain knowing it would tail away each time. I’m welling up typing this, how fucking awesome are we! You can and will do this, op.

It is painful. But the minute they place your baby in your arms you forget-its worth it.

If it was SO horrific people wouldn't do it over and over again.

It sounds like you would benefit from hypno birthing.

The midwives are amazing and take great care of you and you can share your fears with them.

Its also really normal to be apprehensive when it is something so major that you havent done before. So at least dont beat yourself up for being scared.

My first birth was long and painful and not straightforward (but not horrendous) and yet still i had no fear going in to have my second just excitement. I think that says a lot.

I’d have epidural I couldn’t do it without

All these threads ever prove to me is that birth is a different experience for every person, and even different births for the same person.

For what it's worth my first was short, painful but manageable. The second was longer, incredibly more painful, and I'm afraid I lost my self control and screamed the place down. No reason was ever given to me for why my second birth was more difficult than the first.

I did it !

Waters broke on Tuesday (due date) 5am, started contractions at 7pm, got to the hospital at 4am Wednesday and asked for epidural straight away (I was 4cm). The pain was REAL and I knew that no hypnobirthing or no amount of positive affirmations will make it any better. Epidural was a bliss, no pain until pushing from midday Wednesday for 2 hours, needed ventouse, episiotomy and manual removal of placenta. Doesn’t sound great and I think my partner is scared for life 😂 The recovery will take a long time but all worth it looking at mi little girl 🙌🏼
Epidural is the answer for me 😌

Congratulations and well done, OP.

Huge well done OP! I loved my epidural too. I went from screaming the ward down and hardly able to stay still for the needle insertion, to chatting with the midwives and eating Haribo 😁