No skin to skin after a c section?

[Chocolateoatmilk]

Dd is 3 months and I still feel sad ... is this normal?

I didn't either with my section, OP, and I also didnt with my vaginal birth (not sure why, some stitching was required for me but baby was fine).

I always feel robbed and a bit sad whenever I think about it.

I think that is how I feel, I feel a bit robbed

So sorry @Chocolateoatmilk I could have written this myself and have thought this so many times. I had an emcs (I'd discussed skin to skin just before they put knife to me and all was agreed!) and had a major haemorrhage, resulting in no skin to skin for me. I didn't get the opportunity until the next morning (born early afternoon day before) and it was too late. She'd been having bottles by then. I couldn't bf as my milk didn't come in, which is often the result of blood loss trauma and to this day at 6 months old, dd still doesn't like skin to skin. I completely blame the hospital and it is still a hard pill to swallow.

I asked for it beforehand but then they forgot and I didn't feel confident enough to say something at the time. I wish I had.

It’s strange as there were posters everywhere in the hospital about how important it is.

My ds is 5 and I still feel so guilty. He was 15 hours old before I got to see him. I had a general anaesthetic and was put back under after coming around the first time and he spent the night in SCBU. Breaks my heart that he was a one all night and I wasn't holding him.

*alone

What a shame, OP. I didn't get skin-to-skin with any of my four, even the one that was a natural delivery since I had an episiotomy so they needed me to stay still in place for stitches. I know just how you feel. I think it's normal to feel sad about aspects of your birth experience that didn't go as planned or as you would have liked. Actually though, I think talking about it is one way to come to terms with what happened to you so maybe this thread will provide some catharsis.

Would it help to speak to the hospital and ask to discuss what happened, particularly in the two hour gap? I think some (most?) maternity services will do this.

I wasn't meaning to imply your baby must have had low blood sugar, so I hope it didn't read like that. I was just pointing out that sometimes it can be recommended to give a bottle straight after birth.

No not you it was the poster implying I was lying (why!?!)

You can do a birth debrief with your hospital, the aim is to understand what happened and why. I think you might feel better after, at least knowing why you didn't get what you wanted.

I had two severely prem babies, each via C section and didn't even hold either of them for over a week after birth. It didn't stop my expressing and eventually BFing. I know it can feel like everything rides on a tiny part of your experience but that's not how your body works.

BF didn't work for you, and that's FINE. But it's not because you didn't have immediate skin to skin.

OP it’s ok to feel like that. I had skin to skin with both of mine and a water birth for the second so it was a ‘nice’ birth and still struggled bf both and stopped around 3 months for no apparent reason it just didn’t work. It’s ok to feel sad, mine are way past BF and I still feel sad. Likewise s2s post birth is one of those moments you can’t get back so it’s ok to be sad. I agree and birth debrief will help then plenty of cuddles and snuggles while they are little. It’s ok to feel sad/robbed though.

I hear how upsetting that is for you. I had an emergency c-section Under general anaesthetic with dd4 - dh did skin to skin but I was out of it for hours and don't remember meeting her until 4 hours post birth. It really hurt for a long time because it's really important to me but I have come to realise that it is one moment in time and you have plenty of time at 3 months to make up for that. If you wanted to try breastfeeding - have you had any specialise help in relactating? It's very possible at three months but does get harder the longer you leave it but you do need specialist help and I totally get it might be easier and better for your stress levels to put that behind you and use other ways to bond closely - we co-slept, had contact naps, babywearing. And at age 4 she's the one of my kids who is always willing to cuddle up so it's not a one size fits all and that one moment at birth isn't everything even though it may feel like it at the time. It will get easier.

I fully accept breastfeeding might not have worked anyway but it hurts thinking this could have been the key. Relactating won’t work.

My DD is 6 months and I still feel regret about it.

Not so much the actual skin on skin as we've bonded just fine but BF wasn't possible and I do think that was a big part of it.

It's okay to feel regret and sadness about it or any aspect of the birth that didn't go as you'd like

Definitely ron

Lucy Ruddle is a friend and she is a relactation pro - did it herself too. If you’re even thinking you’d like to try, get in touch with her.

I know it’s hard - not only did I not have skin to skin, both twins were rushed away for essential treatment. I didn’t even get to see them until the next day. It still hurts now and they are 4. You are not alone.

I do appreciate people are trying to help but we couldn’t breastfeed back in December, it’s highly unlikely my baby will suddenly get the hang of it in nearly April.

You might be surprised - my twins couldn’t latch when we were finally able to try. They were tube fed. I pumped and then we moved to bottles after many failed attempts. Never occurred to me to try again. But I know quite a few who have and it has worked for them. I think looking back my twins could have done it later - they struggled feeding at all until they were about 5-6 months, I think they probably had tongue ties but as they grew it became less of an issue.

I’m not saying it’s definitely possible but if it still hurts and you want to try, get some advice and try :)

Okay thanks for advice but I’d appreciate it if we could move on. It’s been very hard accepting that I failed at breastfeeding and it still hurts a lot.

@Chocolateoatmilk

I didn’t have an opportunity to make a birth plan.

I’m not angry: I’m disappointed. I’m not angry with DH, I’m a bit eye rolly but not angry. Why do you think I sound angry?

It just sounded as if you were angry/resentful of your dh for not backing you up and ensuring he adhered to your wishes when you were in labour. Sorry if I'm wrong.

Why didn't you have an opportunity to make a birth plan?

It sounds like it might help you to have a birth debrief, and you can ask these questions. You can also request your notes from the hospital.

Have you asked your dh why he gave dc formula, even though he knew you wanted to bf?

Really recommend birth debrief - it helped me so much to make sense of what happened when and why.

@Chocolateoatmilk

I know ten

But it is too late to breastfeed and I do feel the lack of S2S is partially responsible

I had skin to skin as soon as we were in recovery- still couldn't BF as no milk! Sometimes it just doesn't happen. Thank goodness for formula! I don't actually remember the Skin to skin, although it was 11 years ago, I only know by photos.

Yes except I did have milk. No reason why we couldn’t breastfeed except it didn’t happen

DH gave milk because it’s a baby and that’s what you do ... that was his thinking.