No skin to skin after a c section?

[Chocolateoatmilk]

Dd is 3 months and I still feel sad ... is this normal?

We had a struggle getting the hospital to let us give a bottle! Usually they are so against it!

I don't remember having S2S with either of my DC, one natural, one CS and definitely didn't ever do it intentionally once home. Didn't even know it was a 'thing' I should be considering. Now have an amazing relationship with both, who are happy, balanced amazing kids. Obviously if you are upset about it then get some support to work through it but don't worry, I'm sure it doesn't impact the DC.

The difficulty comes especially when your child does have difficulties - before my twins were diagnosed with Autism and I didn’t know what was going on, I blamed everything from lack of skin to skin to weeks in incubators, every single thing I did during pregnancy or didn’t do. I too really struggled with the failure to breastfeed and I tortured myself with a brutal two hourly pumping regime for seven months until I was physically and mentally broken by it (still in pain from the damage to my back four years on - nobody ever mentions this!)

I totally understand how you feel about breastfeeding OP. It still affects me now, years on, but it has gotten easier. I wasn’t trying to harass you about it, I was just saying don’t be scared to try if you want to try. Others who couldn’t breastfeed earlier have achieved it, it’s not an impossibility. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to try, but don’t not try because of fear and guilt as you may regret it later (speaking from experience there!). That’s all I was trying to say but it’s completely up to you :)

A birth debrief is a good idea, I didn’t realise how traumatised I was by all of it until I had some space from it, when my twins were about 1 it really hit me hard. Take care of yourself and seek help if / when you need it.

@Chocolateoatmilk You poor thing!! When was the first time they put baby on you after the section? I'm just trying to imagine it really, and thinking back to my C-section the minute baby was out, they put him on my chest straight away and held the placenta in a dish next to me with him still attached for delayed cord clamping. Only took him away as I was very light headed from the spinal block and asked them to. Then hubby took over and as soon as I was out of theatre and in recovery, they put him back on my chest and he literally stayed there for the whole day, on the breast. I thought as long as there were no complication this was the norm for c-sections too! Still ended up bottle feeding though, as it wasn't happening for us :(

It's completely logical and obvious and definitely believable that your DH was given a bottle of milk to feed the baby while you were unconscious! Whoever suggested it was odd is the one bit thinking clearly. It wouldn't have been best practice bf wise but likely something overrode that - concerns about blood sugar are likely or just policy/not really thinking along BF support lines.

I expect that what's behind the breastfeeding struggles is a combination of factors. It could be that that bottle was one of them, it could be that lack of skin to skin was one of them, but I think it is likely to be much more complicated than these two things. Be kind to yourself, you've had a really intense experience.

How ever you feel is valid op. I'm sorry your feel let down.
Fwiw I was unconscious for weeks after the birth of my micro preemies, so obviously no skin to skin. When i did see ds2 they put him on me in kangaroo care, and his heart rate stabilised instantly I watched it on the monitor. He knew exactly who I was. My point being I don't think when the skin to skin happens matters to your baby if that makes sense. I also breastfed but again that wasn't related to skin contact.
Like others have mentioned I think a birth de brief would help you, they'll tell you what happened and explain the decisions.

It’s difficult because often after a caesarean there are reasons that you can’t immediately hold your baby (eg as in my case where one was in poor condition and the other needed to be resuscitated, or less urgent situations where they still need to warm the baby or provide other immediate care). Or if you are too poorly to hold the baby - low BP, bleeding heavily etc. Often this isn’t communicated though, in the heat of the moment, or if it is you’re too out of it to remember what they’ve said (I swear I can’t remember anything within a few mins of my section starting to hearing they were out until hours later). Nobody told me my boys were alive and I had no idea what was going on to be honest.

This is where a birth debrief can be really helpful. To understand what was happening in the room and why decisions were taken. Doesn’t change anything but may help you to accept it and move forward.

Gentle c sections are becoming more routine in many hospitals for electives, but often with EMCS these things are disregarded, even if it could have been possible because the mindset is so different.

There's a book called Why Breastfeeding Grief and Trauma Matters by Professor Amy Brown. Your feelings are real and valid.

I didn't have it with either of mine too. First was emcs after a tough long labour and I was quite unwell so there was no chance of skin to skin and she was taken away to get antibiotics after an hour.

Second time around I just assumed they would have offered it when she was born but they didn't. You can obviously ask but I thought it was kind of standard at an elective.

I didn't have S2S after my EMCS either. No one suggested it, she was handed straight to her Dad. I was in quite a bad way and didn't see or hold my baby until she was cleaned and dressed.

My milk didn't come in either and despite trying really really hard, DD had to be given milk from a bottle otherwise she would have starved! I then had to have very strong antibiotics at 6 weeks as my CS wound was infected, so even though I had eventually managed to pump a tiny amount to add to her bottle (and it really was just a tiny bit, maybe an ounce a day) that had to be stopped too. I was very upset about it all, so I completely understand where you're coming from OP. I felt I hadn't been able to give birth properly or feed my baby myself.

I was very disappointed with the birth. It took me a long time to get over it but DD was fine. Over a decade later, we're incredibly close, so the lack of S2S hasn't had any impact on our relationship. I'll never know if lack of S2S stopped milk coming in, but I've since been told that it's giving birth through the vaginal canal that triggers breast milk, so obviously I didn't have that!

All your feelings are valid, as PPs have said, it could help you to have a debrief of what happened so you can stop asking yourself why things happened a particular way.

Congratulations on your new baby

@FakeFruitShoot I’ve ordered that thank you for the recommendation. I am still preoccupied with my breastfeeding failures 3 years and then 10 months later with each child. I’m hoping it may give me some closure.

why didn’t you have an opportunity to make a birth plan? Did you not discuss breastfeeding/ formula with your partner beforehand? I very much doubt lack of skin to skin caused bf to fail

I'm guessing you didn't have skin to skin contact as you were unconscious, and if you were rushed in for a crash section (which is usually the only reason they give you a general) then that probably explains why you didn't get to make a birth plan?

I understand your sadness, but if you were under a general anaesthetic then it doesn't sound like they had much choice, either about how you gave birth, or skin to skin contact.

Skin to skin contact is pretty routine in sections under spinal anasthetic, unless there is a reason it's not possible (ie mum isn't feeling well). It's not routinely witheld as far as I'm aware, and I had it immediately with both of mine.

If you did have a crash section under general, then that may also be a reason you struggled to breastfeed. It's also just one of those things sometimes. I have friends who tried desperately hard but couldn't, and baby I tried to get on bottle instead, but refused. Even at tiny, they have their own mind about these things, and it's rarely anyone's fault.